SURVIVOR

Sorry this is up late, The Packers played last night and in Wisconsin you're not allowed to do anything else during that time. It's not even a local law, it's a Federal law.

(One little, two little, three little SPOILERS)
Hae Da Fung is:
Amanda
Courtney
Denise
Erik
Frosti(gone)
James
Jamie(gone)
Jean-Robert(gone)
Peih-Gee
Todd

Last week we were surprised with... A CLIP SHOW!
So this week we finally got to come back to the cliff hanger ending of Tribal Council. It's-

REWARD CHALLENGE!
Everyone breathes a sigh of relief as they learn no one else is going home, but the winner of this challenge plus two other contestants get to go to a secluded Shaolin Temple and witness Kung Fu. I just hope Caine's white cop son doesn't show up and ruin all the fun.

It's another brain challenge and there's no knives or burgers this time so you know James is in trouble. Sure enough, Peih-gee wins her second challenge in a row. Which is a big surprise seeing as it was a quiz on Chinese culture and she IS Asian. I mean, that's like quizzing a white guy on the history of Canada, you know?

Peih-gee takes Erik and Denise with her on the trip. Denise is excited, but worried to be leaving the group, because she knows when you're not around that's when you get left out of the loop. And out of the loop is one step away from out of the game. While they're gone James, Amanda, Todd and Courtney all enjoy a preview of the Final Four. James once again makes the Adam and Eve metaphor about not biting the apple, but then Eve (in the form of Amanda) states that maybe it IS time to switch things up. Uh-oh.

The Trio arrive at the temple where- hold on, Peih-gee IS Chinese? That IS bullcrap then! Any way, they're at the temple where- Denise does karate? For eight years? Man, the reveals are coming fast and furi- ERIK ISN'T A VIRGIN??

What a Kung Fu demonstration though. There's kicks and punches, a guy does The Worm and another guy breaks a metal bar with his head. How would you like to be the guy that had to follow that up? "Dang it, I've got to go after Yau? That show-off's probably going to do the metal bar thing and I'm going to look like a jagbag swinging my little ropes around. Dang it!"

After the demonstration the Trio gets to do some karate with the kids of the village and then Denise gives them a demonstration of her skills. In what I'm sure is supposed to be a cute reaction shot, the cameras show the faces of the children. One of the girls has the most precious "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" look on her face.

While the trio is literally living it up in a temple, the Final Four are literally squatting in a hole while it downpours around them. Cue the Trio's return where Peih-gee talks about how much fun they had. Courtney is snarky about it, and I've got to admit, I don't LIKE Courtney, but since I realized she's a 15 year old old girl in a skeleton's body, she's become a lot more fun.

Erik and Peih-gee try to get in good with the other Survivors but James makes it clear that he only listens to the Powers That Be. I thought Angel killed all of them at the end of season 5? Anyway, Erik asks him who that would be, in an effort to get more information and James holds out his one hand and goes "The Powers that Be" and then two fingers "And the Two Outsiders". "And I'm not going to screw things up with the five, by going 'oh, I don't know, let me think about it.'" Good to hear they have a plan.

Amanda- I think we should get rid of James.

Wait, what?? Oh no, how will this play out at the-

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
Back to the combat circle and the poor man's Stargate. It's throwing star time. Top three advance to sudden death. Courtney surprises everyone scoring 6 points to tie for first place. Has Courtney been reading this book?

The final round comes down to a four way tie between The Littlest Ninja, Black Crocodile Dundee, The Pixelated Posterior and Erik the Non-Creative-Nickname-Haver. In the end Erik walks away with the immunity necklace and things are suddenly looking bad for James.

Back at camp Amanda shares her idea with Todd like it just came to her and he seems in agreement, as are Courtney and Denise. Todd then sums up the game perfectly.

"That means lying to his face. And I feel really bad about it, because I like the guy. ... But I like a million dollars too."

Peih-gee finds James' hidden immunity idol and tries to take that information to Amanda who tries not to roll her eyes too hard. Amanda then tries to spell out for Peih-Gee that she is safe, without having to spell it out. I mean, she even WINKS at Peih-gee and she still seemed clueless. None the less, it's still going to be lights out for James if he doesn't figure things out before-

TRIBAL COUNCIL!
Probst starts by bringing in the four members of the jury; Jamie, Jean-Robert, Frosti and Jamie's breasts.

Probst then asks the standard questions about trust and loyalty, James and Peih-gee snipe at each other (man, no one likes her) and everyone unconsciously warns James that they're going to screw him over tonight. None the less, James sits on the hidden immunity idols ("That I GAVE to him!") and in the end is told to head home. All of China weeps.


Even the babies.

All in all James takes it in stride, realizing he should have played an idol and that it's just a game. Good to see some people with perspective, unlike Rudy and his "I know people outside of this game you probably wouldn't want to meet" and Judd's "I hope you get bit by a crocodile."

ELIMINATED
Chicken (Yellow)
Ashley (Yellow)
Leslie (Denise)
Dave (Yellow)
Aaron (Denise)
Sherea (New Denise)
Jamie (Black Fighting Wind)
Jean-Robert (Black Fighting Wind)
Frosti (Black Fighting Wind)
James (Black Fighting Wind)

NEXT WEEK!
Family Visits? And Denise likes to swing? Swing vote that is.

ONE LITTLE, TWO LITTLE, NO LITTLE INDIANS

Lakota East High School, in Ohio (state motto: we can spell our state's name, provided you break us into two groups), has cancelled their scheduled performance of Agatha Christie's "Ten Little Indians".

Why?

Because the original title of the play had a racial slur in it. Yes, that racial slur.

...
...
...

So, they don't have a problem with the play itself.
And there's no problem with the name "Ten Little Indians".
Or with Ms. Christie herself.
But because in 1939, some fifty years before any of the actors in this high school play were even born, Agatha Christie titled her book both poorly and insensitively (a title, I might add that was changed when it was printed in the United States one year later) and so therefore it would be in bad taste for the school to put on the play.

Because of an obscure title that I'm sure most people, myself included, didn't even know existed.

Wow.

Let's hear it for critical thought and logic, eh?

THEN HE SUPERMANS THAT OHHH

My brother is out in California learning how to save souls (speaking of soul saving, have you been reading Slacktivists' Left Behind critique lately? Man, that book is bonkers.) so he wasn't able to make it home for Thanksgiving.

However, he has been able to direct people towards my blog, and even though they haven't been clicking on the ads *ahem* I appreciate the extra traffic.

My brother is a huge Badger fan and I know this school year has been difficult for him, not only because of Greek, but because he has to rely on California to provide him with his Badger sports fixes. This is like relying on tofu to satisfy you with your fried chicken fix.

So, I don't know if he's seen this video yet, but I hope he enjoys it. It's Wisconsin Men's Basketball coach Bo Ryan (possibly the coolest guy around) doing the "Crank Dat" dance to Soulja Boy's "Crank Dat". (Yes, it has its own official dance. Truly, rap has become the new square dance music.)

GOBBLE, GOBBLE!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who reads this blog.

To everyone who doesn't read this blog... I don't know how these words are reaching your eyes. So Happy Thanksgiving as well, potential super power possessing non-readers.

The fiancee and I will be again splitting the holiday between houses. It should go even better than last year as I am now 85% sure I could find my way home on my own before my car ran out of gas. So that takes some of the pressure off.

What do you think about Thanksgiving, Nick Saban?

It's like Yorktown meets Hiroshima!

Well said. And hey, Danny Bonaduce, how do you like your potatoes?

BONADUCE SMASHED!

Indeed.

Enjoy your day, and remember to give thanks for your blessings in life.

IT'S LIKE CONCORD AND LEXINGTON IN PEARL HARBOR ON SEPTEMBER 11TH!

Nick Saban, coach of the Alabama "Crimson Tide", coming off a loss to the lowly Louisiana-Monroe "Pacifistic Amish", told his team they needed to be able to rebound from this "catastrophic event".

Changes in history usually occur after some kind of catastrophic event. It may be 9-11, which sort of changed the spirit of America relative to catastrophic events. Pearl Harbor kind of got us ready for World War II, or whatever, and that was a catastrophic event.

My favorite part is "kind of got us ready for World War II, or whatever". Yeah, whatever. You'd think he wasn't born in 1951 or something. At least he's pushing the student in student-athletics "or whatever".

Now, according to a school spokesperson Saban wasn't trying to say Alabama being 6-5 was the same thing as a surprise military attack or the largest terrorist attack on American soil. Trust me, if you've ever met a Southern football fan, they won't think it's the same thing. They'll think it was worse.

The point, instead, is that the team needs to rebound from adversity and hardship, much like American has. Maybe, instead of citing 9-11 and Pearl Harbor "or whatever", as an example of adversity or hardship he could have cited... oh, I don't know, the overtime loss to Georgia, the loss to Florida State, or the loss to conference rivals Mississippi State, who got one of only 3 conference wins against Alabama by a score of 17-12. Maybe cite earlier this month when you gave up two touchdowns in 83 seconds to lose to former Saban coached LSU. Maybe those would have been better examples of recent adversity and hardship.

Not that Nick Saban doesn't know a thing or two about sneak attacks, "or whatever".

SURVIVOR

(Don't leave this out of the fridge, cause it'll SPOILERS)
Hae Da Fung is:
Amanda
Courtney
Denise
Erik
Frosti
James
Jamie(gone)
Jean-Robert(gone)
Peih-Gee
Todd

A loooong opening recap, basically just so Probst could say that when Jean-Robert was voted out he was "dealt a losing hand." Ohhh Probst, you rogue.

James is wising up that he might not be able to trust anyone, especially Todd and Courtney. Good to see he's learning. Denise, meanwhile is pissed that she didn't know about the vote change. A little talking to by James though soothes away all of her worries.

Now, I don't know if this is cause I watched it on-line or not but the credit sequence was just the players left and then the jury. I think that's a fantastic idea and I hope they keep it from now on.

Congratulations Peih-Gee, with Jean-Robert gone you are now official the most annoying Survivor left. James wakes everyone with a "good morning" song. I have flashbacks to Scout Camp and am filled with the desire to dump James in the river. Which river? Doesn't matter. Frosti and Courtney continue to make googy eyes at each other. Good thing I'm not diabetic or I'd be in sugar shock by now. Enough of this cutesy crapola, on to-

REWARD CHALLENGE!
Teams of four have to maneuver a ball through a course by bouncing it on the head of the drums they're carrying. In a wise move, Todd picks Denise to be on their team, avoiding her being left last two rewards in a row. Also of note, helllloooo pixelation on Amanda's backside. That girl is hotter than a pound of peppers.

Erik uses his virgin powers and his mastery over handling balls to lead his team to an easy victory over Peih-gee, James, Todd and Denise. He, Amanda, Frosti and Courtney all get to enjoy a cruise and dinner. Aboard the ship there is much schmoozing, drinking, and even more cuteness by Courtney and Frosti. Courtney doesn't know what she likes so much about him, considering he's "only 20". What is she, Methuselah?

Also, a word of wisdom, any time you see two people snuggling up like Courtney and Frosti are, you need to nip that in the BUD. If Rob and Amber didn't teach you that lesson in All-Stars, then the Tom/Ian romance of Palau should have been all the evidence you needed. And no, this will not be my last Palau reference this week.

Back at camp Peih-Gee decides to blame James for their loss. "I can't believe you accused me of ever giving up," she says. Really? How did Aaron get voted out again? Oh, right, cause you threw the challenge. James is not hearing anything Peih-Gee is saying and she storms off for an angry swim. She's just mad that she hasn't won ANY of the reward challenges.

Ring!
Ring!
Hold on a second. Hello? Oh, Peih-Gee it's for you. It's Stephanie and Bobby Jon from Palua, they'd like a word with you.

Once she's gone James makes another Adam and Eve reference, this time in regards to temptation. Huh. Wonder if that'll play into anything. The other four return and it's all agreed that Peih-Gee will go home next. I mean, unless she, I don't know, wins the-

REWARD CHALLENGE!
Probst tells Courtney "it's time to give it up." I bet he never dreamed of saying that to her. ...I also bet it's not the first time she's heard that.

Puzzle time! It's a memory quiz, which is bad for James. But it involves a knife, so maybe the Black Crocodile Dundee will have some luck. But what's this? You can Opt out and eat instead? Oh my! Courtney, James, Todd, and Denise all decide to eat. You know, for someone that weighs 5 ozs, Courtney sure likes eating. I also find it odd that Denise, so worried last week that she might be getting the boot soon, decided to for-go playing the game. But it's okay, right? I mean, they know who's going. Peih-gee's going unless... she wins Immunity. Which she does. You hear that gunfire in the distance? That's the best laid plans being shot to pieces.

Back at camp Erik and Frosti share a moment of doomed brotherhood. Man, they're an even cuter couple than Courtney and Frosti. Which is exactly what has The Todd worried. If Erik makes it to the end, he's going to win. But Frosti is also a threat. So who goes? Erik is cute and from the south and he does an incredible goat impression, but Frosti is either winning or almost winning most of the challenges. James worries that Courtney might not want to vote off her "Survivor Boyfriend". Todd, logic machine that he is, says fine, we'll just vote off Courtney then. The guy's a loose cannon, that's all I'm saying.

TRIBAL COUNCIL!
Probst asks James and Todd about sitting out in the challenge. James admits he ate 7 of the 12 burgers on the table and Todd says he was powerless against the will of the fat kid that lives inside of him. Frosti and Erik both know one of them is doomed and in the end

is told to


ELIMINATED
Chicken (Yellow)
Ashley (Yellow)
Leslie (Denise)
Dave (Yellow)
Aaron (Denise)
Sherea (New Denise)
Jamie (Black Fighting Wind)
Jean-Robert (Black Fighting Wind)
Frosti (Black Fighting Wind)

NEXT WEE-
What? They're not leaving Tribal Council?? A Twist?!? PROOOOOBST!!!!

*ahem*
NEXT WEEK
Injuries! And is Todd yelling at James?

p.s. Bonus points to Frosti for his post-vote speech. "I was beat by a tiny flight attendant, a sassy waitress and a lady with a mullet."

NOW THE CHORUS WON'T RHYME

Santas in Australia are now being told it is up to their individual discretion whether or not they want to replace the traditional "ho-ho-ho" with "ha-ha-ha" so they don't frighten children or insult women. That's right, "ho-ho-ho" may insult women, as "ho" is a slang word for a woman of ill repute.

Other changes Santas are being offered to pursue:
1) Eliminate the red suit, as it may annoy passing bulls
2) Stop referring to self as a "jolly old elf", it it may offend orcs, goblins and Ents.
3) Trade in flying reindeer for a nice Prius to get better gas mileage.
4) End the tradition of bringing toys for just "good little boys and girls" as the phrase may offend and confuse obese children, as well as eunuchs.
5) No more making of lists, as it is wasteful of paper and also inefficient in this day of computers and spreadsheet programs
6) Stop trying to score with single mothers in the mall. That's just creepy.

A STUNNING CELLULAR PLAN

My fiancee and I, in a slow but steady move towards becoming ONE, are getting a joint cellphone plan. It will save us both money, while at the same time getting us shiny new phones. My old one still has a rotary on it. Not that I'm complaining, at least it's not a Bluetooth. Those things creep me out. Especially cause it's only one step away from becoming THESE GUYS.



My fiancee was able to change her phone plan, which she shared with her mother, over with no problem and had it activated over the weekend. Mine was supposed to activate today. Yesterday the old rotary phone went off. "Would you like to accept a call from Sprint?" Well, I was working at the time so I had to tell the operator to take a message for me. Turns out this was a mistake, because something got screwed up HARD and that was my last chance to clear it up with someone who speaks English as a first language.

Not to say the two nice Indian women that I talked to weren't trying their best, but we're losing something in the conversation. The first woman I got a hold of, by weaving my way through a crap-tastic labyrinth of voice-activated options, assured me that everything was going to be settled after I made it clear to her that I just wanted to cancel my old phone contract and start a new one. And yes, my phone bill comes through work, but that's because of an employee deal we get, not because it's a business phone. No problems she said.

Well, turns out two hours later there were problems. So now I was talking to "Leslie" about why my phone wouldn't switch over. I explained to her, as I had "Sarah", what our company rep had explained to me. There was no need for tax codes, pin numbers, etc, because I was just cancelling a personal phone contract. In the two year history of people having this deal through work and then cancelling their phones NO ONE had needed this additional information. There was no reason this night should be different than any other night. When we weren't busy trying to talk over the top of each other, I did my best to explain to her my situation.

"Okay sir, I will run this through Cellcom. If they accept, the new activation date will be 72 hours from now. So sometime on the 16th."

Wait, WHAT?

"It could be as early as noon sir. It's the best we can do."

Now, I wasn't upset with her. It's not her fault. But I am a little ticked by the fact that she said she'd call back and let me know what Cellcom said and if they'd need any additional information. That was 5 hours ago. Something tells me I won't be hearing from "Leslie" again. Maybe I'll text her. Which, believe me, is quite the feat with a rotary phone.

SURVIVOR

(Much Like The Fourth Robin, we are SPOILERS!)

One Team, One Buff, One Black Fighting Wind
Amanda
Courtney
Denise
Erik
Frosti
James
Jamie(gone)
Jean-Robert
Peih-Gee
Todd

We start with James, the Black Crocodile Dundee, out catching fish and talking about how good Team Denise's position is, his personal position especially. All he needs is for Jean-Robert to stay in the dark and keep his mouth shut and everyone should be fine. In an example of how Over James is right now, he has fish jumping into his net before he can finish setting it up.

REWARD CHALLENGE!
What? Reward challenge all ready? That means there's going to be some scheming afoot this episode. Four person teams, one person gets in a little bathtub boat while the three members of the opposite team try to sink the boat by tossing buckets of water into it. Todd, James, Jean-Robert and Amanda (aka Team Awesome) take on Peih-Gee, Erik, "Frosti" and Courtney (aka Team Thanks For Coming Out). Denise is left on the bench watching as Team Awesome quickly dunks the other team twice. They win a fantastic trip to an ancient village as well as a clue to the "hidden" immunity idol.

At the village Jean-Robert is PUMPED to be reading the immunity idol clues. Everyone else does their best to not roll their eyes as they not only know all the clues, they have both immunity idols.

Back at camp, Denise commiserates about always being picked last and starts to wonder if that trend will continue once it's only Team Denise members left. Peih-Gee, The Asian Lady Macbeth, throws out the idea of the five of them tossing out Jean-Robert. No one thinks this is a bad idea, as everyone hates Jean-Robert. Denise isn't totally sold, but getting rid of Jean-Robert isn't even the craziest idea that will be brought up today.

That night, as everyone else sleeps, Jean-Robert puts Operation: Hunt And Peck into action. Even though he knows Jamie was wrong with her "immunity idol", he proceeds to remove all 6 other panels. So now he's got 6 fake immunity idols. It's like Fake Christmas came early.

Remember when I said Denise and Courtney teaming with Team Yellow wasn't the craziest idea in this episode? Well The Todd has a doozy. He's starting to crack. He's sick of Jean-Robert, he's sick of James and he's pissed that James hasn't offered him an immunity idol ("which I FOUND for him"). Like in Thailand with Brian (who played a very similar game to Todd and ended up the winner), you don't want to piss off the guy who's pulling all the strings and feels like he should be thanked for it. You will be voted off with a quickness. ESPECIALLY if you are a black man.

So if James loses at Immunity, he may be gone. Well, let's go to-

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
A giant dragon with barrels full of water. You have to balance on them as the water drains. Balance challenges are always tricky. Especially for the big guys.

Great Exchange:
Jean-Robert: I don't think mine is balanced properly.
Probst: Glad you're still around Jean-Robert, always need a complainer.
Courtney: I thought I was the complainer.

Down goes Jean-Robert, down goes Denise, down goes James. The final trio are the three lightest contestants; Todd, "Frosti" and Courtney. "Frosti" uses a magic dragon song to throw The Todd off into the swamp, but in the end The 99 Cent Menu is no match for someone who doesn't eat. I'm willing to lay good money Probst never dreamed he'd be saying "Courtney, you've won immunity." Of course, watching it you can barely hear him over the sound of the necklace shattering her collar bone.

Back at camp, Jean-Robert and Erik go for a swim. Erik tells Jean-Robert he really likes him, but he's a virgin. ...no, wait, that was two episodes ago. Jean-Robert tells Erik he has the immunity idol. Erik calls B.S. knowing that James has both immunity idols. Jean-Robert looks like he just found out his Prom date, who couldn't go cause she was "sick", is dancing with the Homecoming King. He tries to bully James into giving him an idol, but James won't budge. He knows it's stupid to get on board with Jean-Robert at this point.

So then Jean-Robert runs to Todd to let him know that James has the immunity idols ("Which I FOUND for him"). Todd tries to act surprised when Jean-Robert mentions getting rid of James. Todd's worried that Jean-Robert is starting to think like a much slower version of himself and decides it's his time to go. Amanda can't believe how often Todd's changing his mind. Really, she should just cut him loose. That's all I'm saying, cause he's not really taking her to the end. He'll take Courtney instead, cause that's a guaranteed win for him. Hopefully Amanda wises up before it's her name they're writing down at-

TRIBAL COUNCIL
Jamie doesn't look half bad cleaned up. Peih-Gee frets, Jean-Robert uses a poker metaphor, Erik tries to be charming and James calls him on it. In the voting booth we see Courtney vote for Jean-Robert, Jean-Robert vote for James and Denise vote for Peih-Gee. ...Peih-Gee?

So Peih-Gee gets one vote, and it becomes a dead heat between James and Jean-Robert. In the end Operation: Poker? Darn Near Killed Her comes to an end and Jean-Robert goes home. No one is sad.



ELIMINATED
Chicken (Yellow)
Ashley (Yellow)
Leslie (Denise)
Dave (Yellow)
Aaron (Denise)
Sherea (New Denise)
Jamie (Black Fighting Wind)
Jean-Robert (Black Fighting Wind)

NEXT WEEK!
Courtney Loves Frosti! James Hates Peih-Gee! Peih-Gee Hates James! Todd Hates Everyone! And Everyone Loves A Twist At Tribal Council!

THROW MORE CASH AT IT

Survivor Recap will be up later today.

Driving in to work today I was listening to AM radio and they were talking about a recent smoking report that has American smokers at 21% of the population. The number is unchanged from the last study, which was conducted in 2004. So in three years the number hasn't changed. The CDC (Center for Disease Control? I missed the part where they broke down the acronym) sees this as proof that their anti-smoking efforts have failed. Which is not, technically, true. If your number is the same after 3 years that means you've either been able to a) deter anyone new from starting to smoke or b) convince people that were smoking to stop smoking. So right there, you're seeing some success.

The CDC has a better plan however, and that plan is giving them more money to throw at the problem. Just gobs of it. Wheelbarrows stacked with wheelbarrows stacked with bags of money.

Now, this is just crazy talk on my part, but it would seem to me that if you really, really wanted to stop people from smoking, you'd just outlaw it all together. Oh Nos! You can't take away my right to smoke! Really? You sure about that? Cause it appears no one but you actually wants you smoking. And the only legal place now is under your bed with the lights off anyway, so will you really be missing that much?

This whole idea boggles my mind and maybe it boggles easy, but let me see if I get this straight. Smoking can kill you. That's a known fact. They print the warnings on the boxes the cigarettes come in. Tobacco companies spend millions paying the lawsuits of people that smoked and then got sick because of it. The government spends money to create programs to convince people not to smoke. But, at the same time, the government has done nothing to outlaw either the growing of tobacco or the production of cigarettes. That strikes me as kind of negligent.

The government still pays tobacco farmers not to grow tobacco right? Man, all those people pushing for the legalization of marijuana should take a cue from that plan, and lobby the government to start paying them not to grow weed. A person could make a lot of money not growing an illegal substance. We're talking wheelbarrows stacked with wheelbarrows here.

INSOMNIA

This is an incredibly rough draft of a monologue I hope to submit to our 3rd Annual One-Act Festival. Enjoy.


Jane:
I was 35 minutes late to work today. My boss saw me coming in and said that "if I wanted to stay employed here, I should do a better job of arriving promptly." To which I replied "if I wanted to hear opinions from fat, balding men, I'd ask you for one."

(pause) It was a slight over reaction. I blame it on my lack of sleep. Which is understandable because (catches self)...I'm not, like, normally a bitch or anything. I mean, there's, like, worse things to be, but I'm not a bitch normally or anything. I'm just tired all the time. I'll be fine though, honest. I am fine. I'm fine. I'm more than fine. It's just, you know, who sleeps well in the car, right? I remember when I was a kid I could never sleep in the car. Even as a baby. Some babies, my sister for example, zonk right out once you put them in a car seat. Sometimes my mom would just put her in the car seat and set her on top of the washing machine. Which is a great idea, except for the one time she forgot to bring Stef back up to the apartment with the load of whites. She went right back down for her, Stef doesn't even remember it happening, but my Dad still likes to tell the story at Thanksgiving.

Ahhh jeez, I was going to ask for the Friday after Thanksgiving off today. I better wait until next week now, let my boss cool off a little bit. I was going to write it down, I must have forgotten. I'm not, like, scatterbrained, I'm just tired. I read a study on-line that you need at least 6 hours of sleep a night to function properly. I lay down for at least 8 every night, but I bet they mean uninterrupted, and that never happens in my car. I'm not, like, homeless or anything. I mean, that's not, like, a big deal if I was, right? There are worse things you can be.

I really didn't mean to snap at him. He's been going through a lot lately, he's in the middle of a pretty nasty divorce, and he's got a kid in school that's having some troubles. He was probably just looking out for me. And I mean, I snapped at him in front of...(starts to tear up) ahhh jeez. I'm sorry, just give me a second. (waves hand in front of face, trying to compose herself) I'm not a big crier. I don't, like, cry myself to sleep every night or anything. I'm just, I'm just so tired. All the time.

(Long pause)
There's a monster in my basement. Down by the water heater, back in the shadows. It hasn't always been there. I was gone for a long weekend to visit my folks three, no it was a month ago, and when I came home I felt like something was off, but I just chalked it up to stress. I mean, it's not like I hate going to see my parents, but it's stressful, you know? Why don't you get a better job. When are you going to get back out there and date. Have you not been sleeping again. Just you know, the same questions asked over and over. So I chalked it up to stress, and I went to take a shower to kind of ease my mind. But the hot water was out. So I went downstairs and I just started feeling uneasy. You know how it is if you're in the mall or something, and there's all those people milling about? And someone comes real close behind you? Even if you don't see them, you know they're there? It was that sort of feeling. Like there was something just over my shoulder. My water heater is inside of a closet in the back corner of the basement. I thought it was a cute little thing when I moved in, because who wants to have to stare at a water heater? When I opened the door, the feeling got worse. Like it was seconds from stepping out of the shadows towards me. It took me three tries to relight the pilot my hands were shaking so badly, and as soon as the flame took I slammed the door and raced upstairs. I swear, I took the stairs 3 at a time to stay ahead of it. I slammed the basement door shut and dragged my kitchen table in front of the door. There's grooves in the linoleum now from the legs dragging across it.

I haven't been back to the house since. I still had most of my bags in the car, so I didn't really need to go back. I stayed at a hotel for a week before I realized I wasn't going to be able to afford it much longer. My finances are pretty tight right now, I had some medical bills that stacked up and... I just couldn't afford it. So I started sleeping in my car. After a week I got used to it enough that I was actually sleeping, but I'm still tired all of the time.

(pause, softly but slowly building to a head)
There's a monster in my house, and I don't know what to do about it. I can't very well sell the house, what if a family moves in and it eats one of their kids? Or an elderly couple? Or a dog? I couldn't live with that. I called my mom to get her advice, she asked if I was still taking my medication. I told her that had nothing to do with this and she said I should have someone come over and look. Like I hadn't thought of that?... ahhh, jeeze, I shouldn't have snapped at her like I did. But who do I call? An exterminator? A priest? What if they go down there and the monster kills them? What if they go down there and the monster hides? What if they can't find it? Then they're going to come up stairs and they're going to get that look on their face, like they can't decide if they're angry or sad, like it's my fault. Like it's in my head. And it's not in my head, because it's real and it's hiding and if I go back in that house it's going to kill me. And it's not my fault. Jesus, it's not!

(resigned, but confident)
There's a monster in my house, and I can't sleep because of it, and I AM still taking my medication. It's not like I'm, like, (catches her self again)... ... It's not. I'm fine. I, I just can't sleep.

AN AMAZING AMOUNT OF SHTICK

I've been spending the last six weeks running rehearsal for our newest play "Slaphappy" at Venture Theatre. It's been an interesting experience, both very rewarding and very trying.

Our lone entertainment reviewer came to see the show on opening night and his review made the paper on Sunday. 4 out of 4 stars. Hard to top that. At least in our current 4 star system.

You can find it, for about the next week, here.

Darn right I had everyone "pushing hard to pull off an amazing amount of shtick."

I can now add "everyone pusher" to my list of accolades. Including "comically nimble", "ambitious", "plays Walt" and "2006 Time Person of The Year".

"Slaphappy" plays Friday and Saturday nights at 8 p.m. at Venture Theatre, 380 Main Ave, De Pere, WI.

SURVIVOR

Sorry for the delay. For once work kept me busy enough on a Friday that I wasn't able to get anything up for you. Forgiveness, please.

(If you don't know there's spoilers, you ain't been coming here long)

Zhan Hu ("Team Yellow") is NOW made up of:
Aaron(gone)
Ashley(gone)
"Chicken"(gone)
Dave(gone)
Erik
James
Jamie
Peih-Gee

Fei Long ("Team Denise") is NOW made up of:
Amanda
Courtney
Denise
Frosti
Jean-Robert
Leslie(gone)
Sherea(gone)
Todd

We start at Team Denise where they have just gotten back from voting Sherea out of the game. Man, He-Man is going to be pissed they played his cousin like that. Jean-Robert, his neck still on the block decides to set into motion Operation: Yeah, No, I Know, I'm Letting It Drop, But Can I Just Say One More Thing?. Seriously, the best way to secure your place in the tribe is to keep your head down, your mouth shut and help win a challenge or two. Don't keep everyone up all night. That's the wrong way.

Morning comes to Team Yellow and Peih-gee starts in on James about how she's always liked him and how much of an asset he can be to them and how much everyone likes and respects him on Team Yellow. Riiiiight. I'm sure he's forgotten all about you throwing the challenge two weeks ago in order to send him and Aaron home.

Later, the rest of Team Yellow now off bathing and discussing how much James must like them, James uses this time to pull off the hidden Immunity Idol. Unfortunately, he pulls off the wrong symbol first. Hearing the rest of the tribe return, James only has time to hide the real idol and has to leave the blank symbol lying on the ground.

Jamie and Erik find the blank symbol and like chimps stacking boxes to reach a wax banana, they put all the pieces together. "Sorta looks kind of idol-ish, right?" says Erik to the camera. How the cameramen have kept a straight face through this season is beyond me. James meanwhile is beside himself, "If they play that fake board at Tribal Council? Please let one of them play that. I would pass out with joy."

The joke is almost on James, however, because while he's away with Peih-Gee getting water, Jamie decides she'll look in his bag. It's not even an "oops, it tipped over and look what fell out" sort of thing, she has to turn it over, undo the clasp, reach in, pull out all of his stuff and THEN unroll his pants, where he has both immunity idols hidden. Luckily for James and unluckily for Jamie, she never actually checks to see what a real immunity idol looks like. How she figures him having two "somethings" allows for the possibility for her to have a true immunity idol is beyond me.

What's beyond Courtney back at Team Denise, is how no one wants to get rid of Jean-Robert but her. AND they all just voted out her newest best friend Sherea last episode. Boy, they all sure are mean. But like Todd tells us, "I have my people that I need. Right now, Jean-Robert is a person that I need. It's my game... BITCH."

No Reward Challenge this week, instead everyone gets the reward of New Buffs! That's right, just as Peih-Gee predicted two weeks ago, it's merge time. The team is now Back In Black, and are presented with a giant feast. "But remember," warns Probst. "The game never stops." Listen people, when Probst tells you something? It's important.

Sure enough later that day Probst pulls up in a boat with the individual immunity necklace. He'll be asking them questions about what they ate and experienced at the feast. One wrong answer and you're out. Despite my prediction that everyone would be out after one round, Frosti's Value Menu Mind kicks into high gear and wins himself immunity.

Now comes the scrambling. Jean-Robert or Jamie? Jean-Robert not-so-subtly threatens Todd with losing the million dollars (and disembowlment) if he's screwed over before the final three, while James admits that Jean-Robert might go soon, "because he's a dumb***."

But what dumb*** will prove to be dumb***ier? Let's go to-

TRIBAL COUNCIL!
Nothing new here as Jean-Robert once again figures running his mouth is his best strategy. And maybe it is. Maybe he figures if he's annoying enough no one will figure him a threat and carry him all the way to the final two. My guess is he's the first member of Old Team Denise to get the boot.

Everyone goes off to vote, and right before Probst reads the names, Jamie speaks up.

"We found this at camp. I was just wondering if it might be the immunity idol."

Probst looks at it as he says "It is true that when a hidden immunity idol is played, all votes cast for that person do not count. But this... is not a hidden immunity idol. This is nothing."

He then CHUCKS IT INTO THE FIRE PIT.

James is almost having a stroke trying not to laugh out loud. The votes are then read, and while JR takes an early lead, Jamie comes from behind to win the first seat on the Jury.



BONADUCE SMASH!

Probst reminds people that from here out they will be voting out the people that will then decide if they win a million dollars or not.

ELIMINATED
Chicken (Yellow)
Ashley (Yellow)
Leslie (Denise)
Dave (Yellow)
Aaron (Denise)
Sherea (New Denise)
Jamie (Black Fighting Wind)

NEXT WEEK!
Todd schemes! Everyone else schemes! James breaks a board!