WORZALA'S WEDNESDAY WORD

Today's Wednesday Word is "poor" as in "I'm sure this lady is nice and all but, poor woman, she's got no taste in movies."

Ivana Redwine from About.com has put together a list of her Top Ten Summer Movies. I came across it looking for something to do today's blog about. I heard a Top Ten Summer Movie list had come out recently and I figured, "well, that's gotta be worth writing about." After all, a list is as easy to pick apart as a paper mache nose. I don't think Redwine's list is the one I set out looking for, but boy oh boy, is it worth commentating on.

I will note this before I begin, she put these movies in alphabetical order. That is the only reason on this planet that American Pie 2 is number one on this list.

1) American Pie 2

2) Austin Powers in Goldmember
(man, it's like someone told her to just pick the crummiest sequels possible. The beginning movie spoof is funny, after that, it's all down hill very, very quickly.)

3) Blazing Saddles
Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles" is one of the most hilarious movies I've ever seen.
(Well, if American Pie 2 and Goldmember are your usual fare, yeah, I'm not surprised)

4) A Mighty Wind.
(... seriously, it's like she's deliberately trying to pick the worst movie in each series, with the exception of Blazing Saddles so far)

5) Monsoon Wedding.
(Let me be up front with you, if it's a movie about a wedding that's not Wedding Crashers or Old School, it's not going to be on my summer list. If it's a foreign film that's not Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, same thing)

6) Ocean's Eleven (2001)
(No complaints here)

7) Singing In The Rain
(By George she's winning me over)

8) Spider-man 2
(Back to the sequels)
...Spider-Man faces a new enemy: the demonic, powerful, part-mechanical, part-human, octopus-like creature known as Doc Ock.
Peter has an identity crisis, and at one point, he gives up crime-fighting and throws his Spider-Man costume in the trash.
(Demonic? Uhhh, no. Octopus-like? Maybe, perhaps, that's because his name is Doc Ock...topus. Maybe. Also, not so much as an identity crisis as a complete shorting out of his powers. But hey, call 'em as you sorta see 'em.)

9) Star Wars Trilogy
(now this is technically cheating, but what I really love is this line...)
I see these three movies—now individually called "Episode IV: A New Hope" (1977), "Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back" (1980), and "Episode VI: Return of the Jedi" (1983)—as forming a unified whole.
(Three movies forming a unified whole? It's almost like they were some sort of... what's the word I'm looking for... Trilogy??)

10) The Terminal
(Shoot me now. Just press that barrel against my head and pull. Are you... The Terminal?? And then there's this nugget of commentary...)
Hanks is at his charismatic best
(No, no he's not. You know how I know? Because this movie isn't called A League of Their Own. That was his charismatic best. Why? Because he was a drunken j-hole that you still liked, despite the fact that he was a jaaaaaaaaay-hole.)

The lady is welcome to her opinion, but I don't think it's a very good one. Then again, Redwine also picked Lawrence of Arabia as the number one action movie. Lawrence? Of Arabia? Nooooo. Tell me, does Lawrence of Arabia have a Song written about it? Cause Die Hard does.

Good Clean Family Fun

So, you know, bring the kids.

And have them click on the ads.

I'M MILDLY INTERESTED IN BLACK MUSIC

There is nothing on this earth harder, more street, more "Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk" than two white guys, in a GMC Jimmy, slamming the absolute heck out of their sound system, bass cranked to 12 as they listen... to Akon.

I'M FAIRLY INTERESTED IN BLACK PEOPLE

I really like comic books. A dream job for me would be to write comic books. Of course, to do that, you have to send in a resume, and my laziness combined with a ball crushing fear of rejection in any shape or form keeps me from following through on that.

But I like comic books, and so I have a few comic book based blogs that I like to peruse on the internet. One of them linked me to this post about a survey DC Comics ran in the 1970's.

It's hilarious in it's horribleness.

Enjoy.

WORZALA'S WEDNESDAY WORD 6-20-07

Today's Wednesday Word is "cells" as in "No stems cells research money. No. Not yours."

President Bush vetoed a bill that would have loosened restrictions on embryonic stem-cell research this week. He said that we can not keep spending public money on harming human life.

...

Well that's just super. Sorry Grandpa, no Alzheimer's cure for you. Sorry Little Susie, no new MS treatment. Sorry scientists working to save lives, no new money from the nation's largest medical funder.

Maybe someone will tell me this already goes on, but for stem cells, are they using the ones from artificial insemination? You know they don't just inseminate one egg. They inseminate more like a baker's dozen plus, and even then, all of the ones that take they don't use. They'll put maybe 6 or 8 in the womb but the rest? It's not like they go back into the ovary. No, it's right into a garbage bag for them. THOSE are stems cells we could be using. Could we get some money for research then?


In other news of thing that make me go "wha-???" Republican candidates for President Tom Tancredo, Sam Brownback, and Mike "I Heart" Huckabee do not believe in evolution. You might remember two of these three from "9 Out of 10 Can Be Wrong". Brownback called the possible overturning of Roe v. Wade "a glorious day of human liberty and freedom" while Tancredo called it "the greatest day this country's history." Huckabee was also for the overturning, though he didn't wax poetic about it.

Ladies and gentlemen: Your 2008 Republican Candidates!

OH NOS!!

Run for the hills people. Start stockpiling food!
Rosie and Elizabeth are no longer BFFs!!

Oh no!!! What will we do??? Two people that were on a television show together may no longer hang out now that they're no longer on the same television show any more!!

*gasp*!!

BABY ON BOARD

Despite the rumors, Shar Jackson, former girlfriend of Kevin "Popo Zao" Federline and mother of two of his children, is Not pregnant with Federline's fifth child.

If that's true, thank heavens for little miracles.

Because, seriously, how stupid do you have to be to not only let this man back into your life but let "this man" back into your "life"?

He left you, WHILE PREGNANT, to go bone a new gravy train. He had, presumably, lots and lots and lots of sex with Brittney Spears in her prime. Then SHE kicked him to the curb. He's only going to make goo-goo eyes at you until JoJo or Hannah Montana is legal and then "Kablamo!" back to the curb.

I mean, it's Federline Shar, you can do better than this. Go jump on the LaBeouf Train while it's still chugging up Success Mountain.

WORZALA'S WEDNESDAY WORD 6-13

Today's Wednesday Word is "stereo" as in "If someone will murder your boyfriend for a used stereo, they're probably not that reliable."

Kathryn Smith and her son Nick Taylor learned that one the hard way when the man they hired to kill Smith's boyfriend went to the police. Smith and Taylor have both accepted plea deals and now face 6 to 12 years in prison. Now I'm no murderologist, but maybe, just maybe if they had offered the man more than $50 and a used stereo, he might not have narced them out. Seriously, $50? Are you paying him to kill someone or rake your leaves?

Better yet, if they wanted to kill the boyfriend they could have taken matters into their own hands. They wouldn't even need a gun. They could have used a swordfish snout like the two gentlemen in Australia.

Not into seafood? How about a cotton mouth water moccasin, "the most venomous snake out there", in the middle of Shuckers Grill and Bar? One bite to Smith's boyfriend and, while the South might rise again, he certainly wouldn't.

Maybe Smith and Taylor would be moments from committing the murder and have a sudden change of heart. No problem. That's why the Pentagon considered building a "gay bomb" back in 1994. One blast and you wouldn't have to worry about having him as a boyfriend any more. Well, Smith wouldn't. Taylor might have some new problems on his hands.

FRIDAY SP-OETRY

"btutor"
Hi
Hey dude
Hey buddy
Re: hi

"be gnome"
the scenario
Paris Hilton Goes Home
A great alternative
it's been a while

"All you need to do is to.."
Do yourself a favor
Hit me

FISH IN A BARREL

I happened to catch an episode of "Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip" tonight. I didn't even know the show was still on, but apparently it's the ender for NBC's "Must See Thursday". Which, when you think about it, is a genius move on their part. After two hours of comedy there's no better way to cleanse the pallet than the least funny show about comedy this season.

As the title of this post suggests, making fun of "Studio 60" has become a pretty common thing. And really, it's pretty easy to do. I had high, HIGH hopes for the show. I really, REALLY liked "Friends", especially Chandler. Bradley Whitford is from my state, spoke at my brother's college graduation ceremony and was excellent in both "The West Wing" and Billy Madison. I love "Sports Night" and A Few Good Men. So I figured it was a can't miss.

And then it started missing. And missing by a LOT. Missing enough that NBC yanked it's prestige series off the air faster than a manager yanks a struggling pitcher in the 5th.

Now that the summer has come and the ax has already fallen on "Studio 60"'s tender neck, NBC has decided to use up the remaining episodes. Here's a brief recap of this week's episode "K&R".

-Matt (Matthew Perry) and Danny (Bradley Whitford) have gotten both old and fat since I last watched an episode. Granted, I stopped watching after the Nevada two parter (episode 7 and 8) and this was episode 19. Soooo... maybe it's just really good craft services at NBC errrr NBS.

-I know this is an hour long drama, but couldn't there be just one Major problem per episode? Jordan can't feel the baby kick, the baby has the cord around her neck, Tom's brother has been kidnapped in Afghanistan, Matt and Harriet keep fighting, and the show is falling apart. Oh, and Danny and Jordan are getting married. Despite just meeting 19 episodes ago.

-One of the more caustic slams on the show, that I know Entertainment Weekly especially likes to break out, is "BUT TOM'S BROTHER IS IN AFGHANISTAN!!". Don't worry, if that sort of heavy handedness turns you off, they only mention it half a dozen times in this episode. They even work it into the flashback that comprises half the episode.

-Upon being told the news that Tom's brother has been kidnapped, Harriet (the Christian One!!) immediately, right there in the room, just drops to her knees and starts praying. ...I don't know if Aaron Sorkin actually knows any Christians. I have never met anyone who would do that, and I have family that sing the "God's Blessings To You" verse of "Happy Birthday".

-We start our flashbacks, to show that, news flash, Operation: Enduring Freedom created differing opinions in people. Oh, and that Matt and Harriet have been having the same fight for the last 8 years. And they've broken up at least 4 times. If you're breaking up more times in 8 years than the House of Representatives is holding elections... you might not be meant for each other. Even if you are the Funniest Woman On The Show!! and The Funniest Writer Ever!!.

-Props to Harriet for making a Fed Ex joke. In the 8 or 9 episodes I've seen this is the first naturally funny thing she's ever said. And this from the Funniest Woman On The Show!!. Another flaw with "Studio 60": Funny people should be naturally funny in their every day life. Not just sarcastic or dryly witty, but funny. This does not often happen on the show. They're too busy being very serious about the glory that is sketch comedy.

-Flashback again, the loud guy getting in everyone's face is pro-war, cause he's a j-bag. He also doesn't know anything about Afghanistan, which is not full of Arabs. The guy opposed to O:EF is anti-war, he's a slob. Why? Cause he's anti-war. There are no well dressed anti-war people. Because you can't be pro-peace and pro-hygiene. He also doesn't know anything about Afghanistan, which is not full of oil. Matt knows a lot about Afghanistan, because he is The Funniest Writer Ever!! Then Matt and Harriet fight some more about George Bush and Christians.

-Danny decides to cop an attitude with the doctor because he's young and he knows what he's doing. Danny, who is not a doctor but who is ... I don't know what his special power is... anyway, he's a jerk to the doctor, but the doctor's too cool to let it get to him. Danny and Jordan have some circular conversation about the show's ratings. Or not. It's like they realized they were going to be 3 minutes short and just had to fill time.

-Flashback again, did you know Tom's brother joined the military right after September 11th? Cause he did. It's mentioned twice in the two minute scene.

-Did you know Tom is selfless? Because he is. He also appears to be sharing his real life brother Rob's hairline. Nice choice of teen heartthrob NBC central casting. Tom's selfless because he's always concerned about how the families of the other two captured airmen ("It's Airmen. They're in the Air Force. They're not soldiers, they're Airmen." You really think that's the point to be belaboring right now?) are being treated. Are they getting equal treatment? Who cares? Tom does, because he's selfless.

-We're reminded, in a flashback, that the guy from "Kids In The Hall" used to be happy. You know, before God "Job-ed" him and took away his entire family in a car accident. But his loss has made him The Best Comedy Writer (After Matt) Ever!!.

-More baby mama drama as Jordan almost has a seizure. Why? Who the heck knows. The doctor's not saying. Jordan's not saying. No one is saying. But apparently the baby's coming out now. So Danny proposes. With a 3 karat ring. The second funny line of the episode (45 minutes into the show) Jordan: (trying on ring) You couldn't have guessed better at my ring size? ...How fat did you think I was?

-A company called the Trask group could get money to the rebels to get the airmen freed. This Trask group should not be confused with the Trasks that built the Sentinels. I'm sure this group is totally cool with Homo Sapien Superior.

-Cal hears the name Trask and immediately can rattle off their entire history, even though they're supposed to be super secret Black Ops type people. Why? Because Cal is The Hardest Working Set Director Ever!! Cal seems stoked about the idea.

-Scene change. Cal now hates the idea, all but calling Trask the greatest scam on humanity since the Moon landing. Everyone else seems intrigued. We do not get to see how it plays out... but I'm willing to guess that the rebels will only trade for Tom's brother/everyone but Tom's brother and Tom nixes/okays it even though it means certain death for Tom's brother/Tom's brother. Why? Because Tom is Selfless!! And His Brother's In Afghanistan!!

-Harriet is still praying. The Pope doesn't pray this much in a one hour time span. Jesus, in the garden, thinks this is over kill. Matt mocks her religious beliefs yet again. Prayer is stupid. I bet you didn't know that.

-We are treated to a montage of Matt and Harriet fighting over "religion"/"reason" for 8 FREAKING YEARS!! Why would these two even put up with each other? He must be an absolute dynamo in bed, because Matt is the most close minded, spiteful person I've seen in a long time. And he's supposed to be the good guy as far as I can tell. The problem is never religion vs reason, that's why I put it in quotes up top. It's close mindedness vs close mindedness. It's being so fragile in your faith that you think if every word in The Bible isn't true the world will fall apart around you versus being so narrow minded that, surprise, if every word in The Bible isn't true, then religion must be a great big hoax. Slacktivist, as usual, has something to say about this.

-The main point is Matt is a giant tool, and I don't know why Harriet is so enamored with him. Oh, wait, she just said "because she loves him." Wow. That's actually a little scary.

-Hey, for an hour long drama, shouldn't we have seen more than 7 of the regular cast members? You can't throw black guy or fat guy or new girl a line or two?

-NOTHING is resolved in the end. Oh, and Matt demands that God do something nice for a change. As a Jew, you would think that Matt would remember that God heard the cries of his people and freed them from slavery. Matt should also remember when Moses started demanding things, he ended up banned from the Promised Land (Motto: Now With Milk AND Honey).

So after an hour we have nothing new to report, other than Tom's brother is still a soldier, Tom is still selfless, Matt is still a tool, Harriet is barely funnier than we thought, and Jordan is still pregnant.

Can't understand why this show didn't catch on better.

WORZALA'S WEDNESDAY WORD 6-6-07

Today's Wednesday Word is "bits" as in "Here's some bits of wisdom, dummy."

1) There are somethings you can buy off brand, like oatmeal. Somethings, like bathroom cleanser, you can not. Those couple extra cents? They spend that on thinning the bleach to a non-lethal level.

2) Don't play around with guns. Even as a joke. Even if you're sure it's unloaded. Screwing around with anything other than a squirt gun could get you killed.

3) Snow blowers always have an extra rotation left in them after you shut them off. Even if they're jammed. Do you like having hooks for hands? Then use a stick.

4) The Universe has better things to do with Its time than curse you for not passing on a chain e-mail. Same goes for God.

5) If you've put it on the internet, someone will find it. Yes, people outside of college and high school have heard of MySpace and Facebook. Yes, they will ask why you're shotgunning a beer with a bong in your other hand. No, they will not be impressed with your answer.

6) Before you do something do not ever say "Hey! Watch this!", you are only asking for trouble. Especially if you are playing around with a gun while snowblowing.

And the event yesterday that inspired this post...

7) If it's raining out, and your car won't start, don't hook up one half of your jumper cables and leave the other half just laying in the increasingly wet road. That's not good for anybody.

WORDS TO LIVE BY

Houghton Mifflin has released a list of 100 words every High Schooler should know.

Senior editor of the American Heritage dictionary Steven Kleinelder says,

The words we suggest are not meant to be exhaustive but are a benchmark against which graduates and their parents can measure themselves. If you are able to use these words correctly, you are likely to have a superior command of the language.

I graduated in the top 10% of my 350+ high school class.
I knew around 60 of them.

You?

I'm pretty sure "moiety" is a typo.

AS THE WORK DAY RAPIDLY ENDS

If I knew how to post YouTube clips directly to this blog, I would do it.

But I don't, so I can't.

But enjoy this little piece of joy anyway.

The Fray covering Shakira.