SURVIVOR

For the next two weeks I'm not going to be able to watch Survivor "live" on Thursday night. So, instead, I'll be watching them during the day (don't tell my bosses) and blogging about it as we go. How's that sound? Great? Great.

This week on... Survivor
(Spoiling Like Raw Meat in Your Passenger Seat!)

Zhan Hu ("Team Yellow") is NOW made up of:
Aaron(gone)
Ashley(gone)
"Chicken"(gone)
Dave(gone)
Erik
James
Jamie
Peih-Gee

Fei Long ("Team Denise") is NOW made up of:
Amanda
Courtney
Denise
Frosti
Jean-Robert
Leslie(gone)
Sherea
Todd


Two minutes in, The Step-sisters sleep the sleep of the wicked, while James works around camp. Boy, he sure is a good worker. Probably an asset to have around camp. Maybe we should get rid of him.

4 and a half in The Todd tells Amanda the immunity idol is hidden at camp. He can't find it, so he recruits her. Which is good. Because, well, she's hot and I'd like to see her stick around.

(Editor note: This computer's processor sucks balls, just typing is holding the screen up.)

REWARD CHALLENGE!
Time to win yourself some Godliness! Wait, I mean Cleanliness, which is close.
Race through the village, find the puzzle pieces, put together the puzzle.
Courtney sits out, SURPRISE!
Peih-Gee and Sherea try to talk strategy while in the house, well, Peigh-Gee does a lot of talking. "We're still with you guys. We're still all together, okay?" Sherea doesn't say anything, which I think has Peih-Gee worried. She reminds me of the unpopular kid who hasn't quite realized they're unpopular yet. "Hey, hey guys, we're all still going to Perkins after the football game, right? Right? Okay, I'll just see you guys there, then. Okay? Guys? Okay, cool, I'll just... see you there... then. ...guys?"
At least Team Yellow is trying this time around. Probably cause no one's going home if they don't.
Team Denise spells out the Confucian wisdom first, "Man Who Live In Glass House Have Bathroom In Basement." They kidnap James back much to Jean-Robert's and Denise's delight.
12 minutes in, Courtney holds up the tea tray, looking the happiest she's looked since she came on the show. Must have brought back memories of serving drinks in New York. How her arm doesn't snap is beyond me.

13 minutes- Miami Vice: China!

Team Denise is welcomed to "The Charmin Tea House", you can hear Mao Zedong spinning in his tomb from here.

(Editor Note: The computer is still lagging something fierce, so the Tea Girls sound like Satan.)

14 Minutes- Everyone's having a good time, laughing, enjoying the food, a bath, tea, etc. So who has to open their yap and ruin everything with sexual innuendo? If you said Jean-Robert, congratulations, you've been paying attention! Operation: Old Guy At College Party is in full swing once again. Courtney comments on how gross he is, and then is carried off by a sparrow.

15:30- James, the Mack Daddy Crocodile Dundee decides to use the shower. Which involves him stripping BUTT NEKKID, much to everyone's delight. I think even Jean-Robert was digging it.

16 minutes- Team Yellow is starting to worry that being on a winning tribe is going to go to Sherea and Frosti's heads. Again, it's like the kid that doesn't realize his friend's starting on the football team now and doesn't want to go back to playing D&D in your mom's basement on Friday nights. Even though you REALLY need a 9th level Cleric for their healing spells!! Not to say throwing the last immunity challenge was going to come back to haunt you. BUT I TOLD YOU SO!!!

The Todd slides up to James and tells him to hook him up with the clue and The Todd will help save him. James realizes though, and he's the first to mention it, that The Todd has alliances with EVERYONE on the tribe. So even if he helps him, it doesn't make him any safer.

Todd with all the clues, now puts together that the idol is with the arch. Amanda and he start going at the arch with all the subtlety of a neon yellow ninja in clogs. Frosti then shows up to find out what's going on and starts parkouring all over the ledge. Todd pulls the idol off only to have Frosti see it. Frosti's face lights up like a kid who found the presents in his parent's closet before Christmas, while Todd and Amanda try to shush him because they've known about the presents in the closet for the last month and don't want the parents re-hiding them.

Todd then pulls some Sun-Tzu maneuvers, giving James the idol and telling him to throw the challenge. If he loses, Team Yellow will vote him out, but he can play the idol, vote out Jamie, sever the tie with Erik, keep Team Denise's numbers intact and eventually control all of China. James is so happy with his plan he almost beats Todd into a coma.

Ahhhhh irony. Last week Team Yellow wanted to lose and James wanted to win. This week they want to win and James wants to lose. Let's see how it goes at-

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
Eating Challenge! Yeah!! Wait... Courtney doesn't eat. ... crap.
Frosti vs Peih-Gee: 10 Chicken Hearts! Just another victim for the 99 Cent Menu
Courtney vs Jamie: Eel! Jamie's had a long slimy thing in her mouth before I'm sure and takes Courtney to town. Courtney then sends it all back up.
Amanada vs Erik: Baby Turtles! Gamora is going to be pissed. You gotta eat the shell?? Erik takes it by a swallow.
Uh-oh... That's Team Yellow 2 Team Denise 1
Denise vs James: Chicken Fetuses? With Feathers? Denise is screaming at it. "GET IN MY MOUTH!!" James is doing his best to throw the challenge, but Denise can't keep it down. She has to give up. James, gentleman that he is, swallows the entire plate in one gulp.
Frosti vs Erik: Thousand Year Old Egg. I think these challenges are the most fun Probst has all show. Erik wins by a swallow again!
Son of a! The one time they need to win and Team Denise can't get it done??? I never thought seeing James win would be a bad thing.

Amanda, Todd and Denise, decide to get rid of Sherea. Courtney thinks Jean-Robert is a better choice. Courtney and Sherea cat about Jean-Robert but it's a done deal. ...isn't it? Courtney pitches the idea to Amanda, Frosti and Todd who all look at her like she's speaking Mandarin. Jean-Robert knows his head is on the chopping block. Maybe because Todd is now thinking it would be a good idea to get rid of him. Amanda's gut says Sherea, Todd's gut says Jean-Robert, Todd's faux hawk says Metrosexual. Let's see what Probst says at-

TRIBAL COUNCIL
Jean-Robert makes his case about helping out at camp and Sherea immediately gets on his case about it. Courtney then jumps in and teases Jean-Robert about being a "bad boy". Operation: I Might Start Crying If You Keep Laughing At Me seems to be in swing. Courtney says she feels like an outsider... which pisses Todd off cause he's been nothing but good to her. Wow Courtney, I don't think you've thought your cunning plan through.

Great is Todd's anger and swift is his vengeance. Jean-Robert gets the first two votes, but then Sherea blows past him to get the boot, proving once again, if you want someone to help you, the worst thing you can do is accuse them of never helping you. Sorry Sherea, but-


BONADUCE SMASH!

ELIMINATED
Chicken (Yellow)
Ashley (Yellow)
Leslie (Denise)
Dave (Yellow)
Aaron (Denise)
Sherea (New Denise)

NEXT WEEK!
Erik and Jamie have an immunity idol!? Todd has too many plates in the air!? Jean-Robert has a meat cleaver!? And we have a merge!?