WORZALA'S WEDNESDAY WORD 10-18-06
Today's Wednesday Word is "back" as in "Let's bring back the duel!"
It's election time in the good old U.S of A (national motto: No, it's YOUR fault) and if you're in this country and not living in a lead lined vault at the bottom of a lake, you're probably all ready being inundated with political campaign commercials. (if you are living in a lead lined vault at the bottom of a lake, maybe you'll think twice next time you decide to cross Joey "Body Dumper" Calazone)
My favorite campaign ad series so far is being run against a Democratic Congressional candidate here. His name is Steve Kagen, or as the campaigns call him DR. MILLIONAIRE. Oooooh, isn't that scary? Let's try it again. DR. MILLIONAIRE. Gives me chills just thinking about him being elected. Did you know he sued someone for not paying a doctor's bill? How DARE he! Expecting to be paid for a service he performed. That's just like DR. MILLIONAIRE. (who IS a doctor, though he's technically an alergist) The worst part of the whole thing? He used... a LAWYER!! I know, I gasped when I heard it as well. How dare that man ask to be compensated for his job, and when that failed to happen, utilize the American legal system. It makes me so sick to my stomach I want to spit red, white and blue. Certainly, DR. MILLIONAIRE is a cancer this country can't afford to have in Washington.
Oh wait, I forgot that his opponent is a CAREER POLITICIAN who, through his own maliciousness, is the reason that brave American troops are without proper armor in Iraq. That's right, more than 2,000 American troops have been killed because the CAREER POLITICIAN wanted it that way!
I say the heck with all of it. What I've never understood is why more time is spent on running the other guy down as opposed to building yourself up. Tell me what YOU'RE going to do for me, not what THEY'RE going to do to me. Well, I understand why they don't, because that's not what gets people's dander up. People don't rally around "increased budget allocations for education" the way they do for "He's going to Hand the Country Over To Mexico!"
So my solution is simple. Run all the trash ads you want. However, if you besmirch the other candidate's character, they are legally allowed to challenge you to a duel. You both go off with your seconds and an official into a nice spot in the woods, take 20 paces each, turn and shoot each other with old flintlock pistols. You don't even have to fight to the death if it makes you squeamish. But I'm willing to bet that getting shot at once will be enough to convince a candidate to stick to the issues. Heck, can't make things any worse.
And I know Zell Miller's for it.
It's election time in the good old U.S of A (national motto: No, it's YOUR fault) and if you're in this country and not living in a lead lined vault at the bottom of a lake, you're probably all ready being inundated with political campaign commercials. (if you are living in a lead lined vault at the bottom of a lake, maybe you'll think twice next time you decide to cross Joey "Body Dumper" Calazone)
My favorite campaign ad series so far is being run against a Democratic Congressional candidate here. His name is Steve Kagen, or as the campaigns call him DR. MILLIONAIRE. Oooooh, isn't that scary? Let's try it again. DR. MILLIONAIRE. Gives me chills just thinking about him being elected. Did you know he sued someone for not paying a doctor's bill? How DARE he! Expecting to be paid for a service he performed. That's just like DR. MILLIONAIRE. (who IS a doctor, though he's technically an alergist) The worst part of the whole thing? He used... a LAWYER!! I know, I gasped when I heard it as well. How dare that man ask to be compensated for his job, and when that failed to happen, utilize the American legal system. It makes me so sick to my stomach I want to spit red, white and blue. Certainly, DR. MILLIONAIRE is a cancer this country can't afford to have in Washington.
Oh wait, I forgot that his opponent is a CAREER POLITICIAN who, through his own maliciousness, is the reason that brave American troops are without proper armor in Iraq. That's right, more than 2,000 American troops have been killed because the CAREER POLITICIAN wanted it that way!
I say the heck with all of it. What I've never understood is why more time is spent on running the other guy down as opposed to building yourself up. Tell me what YOU'RE going to do for me, not what THEY'RE going to do to me. Well, I understand why they don't, because that's not what gets people's dander up. People don't rally around "increased budget allocations for education" the way they do for "He's going to Hand the Country Over To Mexico!"
So my solution is simple. Run all the trash ads you want. However, if you besmirch the other candidate's character, they are legally allowed to challenge you to a duel. You both go off with your seconds and an official into a nice spot in the woods, take 20 paces each, turn and shoot each other with old flintlock pistols. You don't even have to fight to the death if it makes you squeamish. But I'm willing to bet that getting shot at once will be enough to convince a candidate to stick to the issues. Heck, can't make things any worse.
And I know Zell Miller's for it.
Labels: Worzala's Wednesday Word
posted by Matt Worzala at
3:41 PM
2 Comments:
Here, the current Lt. Governor, [who is running for Governor against the incumbant], has been running smear ads about the current Governor stating that he's used his political office to benefit himself (getting changes in the tax law passed through the House, getting great deals on personal land purchases by promising government work to the owners, etc.). Every time I see these ads I think, "you are the current Lt. Governor. You are currently in office and in a position to do something about these things that you obviously know are going on. Yet, when does it come out? Only when it now possibly has the ability to benefit you (by putting you in the Governor's seat)." Personally, I think it just shows that they're both crooked. Am I wrong?
By
Anonymous, at 9:20 AM
No, that sounds just as shady to me.
Do you have some woods near your capital? They could solve this matter real quick.
By
Matt Worzala, at 1:34 PM
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