WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Hello there!
Some of you may be stumbling upon this blog for the first time. Maybe you're here because Jenifer of "Quarter Life Crisis" pointed you this way. Or because you were reading Tani's "funny because it's true" collection of bad personals responses at "I'll Get You My Pretty...". Maybe you even linked over here from my other on-line venture www.tubapants.com... which would be a neat trick since I don't think I've put up a link there. (Note to self: Put up a link at www.tubapants.com)
Well I'm glad to have you here, both first timers and long time fans of Star Worz and it's two fisted style of internet journalism. Or "interalism" as I read this week in Time magazine. Or maybe it was Highlights. I don't remember, I was in the dentist office. Feel free to look around, enjoy your time here *cough*clickonthead*cough* and hey, here's an handy quiz you can take!
1) You are a 46 year old man living in Florida. You meet a nice woman around your age. You two hit it off pretty quickly. There's only one small snag, she has a drinking problem.
a) Break it off with her immediately. This can only lead to trouble.
b) Agree to go out again, on the condition that she begin some sort of alcohol treatment program.
c) Ahhhh, so she drinks a bit. Who doesn't? Life's too short to nitpick. C'mon back to my place, baby.
2) Time has passed, the two of you are now living together in an apartment with five cats. Things are great, except she still hasn't stopped drinking. In fact, she's probably drinking right now.
a) Pack your bags and hit the door chief, some people just can't change.
b) Surprise her with an intervention. She'll be mad at first, but you're only doing it because you care.
c) Only thing I like better than picking my nose is picking a fight. I'll scream some sense into her
3) Master debater that you are, the argument is still escalating. You've both said some things about each other that you probably shouldn't have. Something needs to be done and quick.
a) Storm out, hop in my car and just drive until I cool off.
b) Storm out, hop in my car and sit in a bar drinking until she calls begging me to come home
c) I'd never hit a woman. But I will choke one.
4) Well, she's certainly kicked her alcohol habit now. As well as that nasty oxygen addiction she had all her life. You better do something quick genius.
a) Call 911 for an ambulance. They may still be able to revive her.
b) Call 911 for the police. I may be able to make it look like she attacked me.
c) Change her clothes and put her to bed.
5) The old "Strangled Herself To Death In Her Sleep" excuse? That's never going to fly.
a) You're right. What have I done? Call the police and confess now.
b) You're right. What have I done? I should leave town as quick as I can.
c) You're right. What have I done? I better put this plant next to her. NOW it looks natural.
6) All this arguing and murder and plant moving has made you awfully tired. You can barely keep your eyes open. What now?
a) How can I sleep? I can still hear her heart pounding, like it was coming from beneath the floor boards!
b) I better get out of here. Get a couple of hours on the highway before I crash at a hotel.
c) I paid for the bed too, I'm sleeping here! At least she won't hog the covers.
7) Good morning! What's on your agenda for today?
a) Maybe it was all a bad dream. Nuts. Time to confess.
b) You know, that leaving town is looking better all the time.
c) Gather up the kittens.
8) Wh-wh-what you gonna do with those kittens?
a) The ex had an appointment scheduled for them today. I should probably keep it.
b) I can't raise kittens, look how I treat people. I'm putting them up for adoption.
c) Euthanize them so that they can be with my girlfriend in heaven.
9) *blink* *blink* You're a real piece of work, psycho.
a) Yeah, I know.
b) Yeah, I know.
c) YEAH, I Knoooooow.
Scoring: 1 point for A, 2 points for B, 3 points for C.
Scores:
1-10: Hey, we all make mistakes. You tried your best. You're leaving this situation a little wiser, a little more mature.
11-18: Okay, you screwed up, you know this. But you're not doing anything to make it better. If this were a movie at the end you'd come to terms with your guilt, which would be good. But then you'd probably fall to your death and/or get hit by a train. Which would be bad.
19-23: Is Bad Decision your middle name? Cause it should have been. Of course, now it's going to be "Correctional Facility Inmate #24601".
24-27: You are a wonderful person. None of this is your fault. You were just trying to live your life the best you could, but things never seem to go your way do they? Buck up lil' buckaroo, tomorrow is a new day. (What? Like I was going to tell a kitten murdering nutball anything bad? Get out of here)
Some of you may be stumbling upon this blog for the first time. Maybe you're here because Jenifer of "Quarter Life Crisis" pointed you this way. Or because you were reading Tani's "funny because it's true" collection of bad personals responses at "I'll Get You My Pretty...". Maybe you even linked over here from my other on-line venture www.tubapants.com... which would be a neat trick since I don't think I've put up a link there. (Note to self: Put up a link at www.tubapants.com)
Well I'm glad to have you here, both first timers and long time fans of Star Worz and it's two fisted style of internet journalism. Or "interalism" as I read this week in Time magazine. Or maybe it was Highlights. I don't remember, I was in the dentist office. Feel free to look around, enjoy your time here *cough*clickonthead*cough* and hey, here's an handy quiz you can take!
1) You are a 46 year old man living in Florida. You meet a nice woman around your age. You two hit it off pretty quickly. There's only one small snag, she has a drinking problem.
a) Break it off with her immediately. This can only lead to trouble.
b) Agree to go out again, on the condition that she begin some sort of alcohol treatment program.
c) Ahhhh, so she drinks a bit. Who doesn't? Life's too short to nitpick. C'mon back to my place, baby.
2) Time has passed, the two of you are now living together in an apartment with five cats. Things are great, except she still hasn't stopped drinking. In fact, she's probably drinking right now.
a) Pack your bags and hit the door chief, some people just can't change.
b) Surprise her with an intervention. She'll be mad at first, but you're only doing it because you care.
c) Only thing I like better than picking my nose is picking a fight. I'll scream some sense into her
3) Master debater that you are, the argument is still escalating. You've both said some things about each other that you probably shouldn't have. Something needs to be done and quick.
a) Storm out, hop in my car and just drive until I cool off.
b) Storm out, hop in my car and sit in a bar drinking until she calls begging me to come home
c) I'd never hit a woman. But I will choke one.
4) Well, she's certainly kicked her alcohol habit now. As well as that nasty oxygen addiction she had all her life. You better do something quick genius.
a) Call 911 for an ambulance. They may still be able to revive her.
b) Call 911 for the police. I may be able to make it look like she attacked me.
c) Change her clothes and put her to bed.
5) The old "Strangled Herself To Death In Her Sleep" excuse? That's never going to fly.
a) You're right. What have I done? Call the police and confess now.
b) You're right. What have I done? I should leave town as quick as I can.
c) You're right. What have I done? I better put this plant next to her. NOW it looks natural.
6) All this arguing and murder and plant moving has made you awfully tired. You can barely keep your eyes open. What now?
a) How can I sleep? I can still hear her heart pounding, like it was coming from beneath the floor boards!
b) I better get out of here. Get a couple of hours on the highway before I crash at a hotel.
c) I paid for the bed too, I'm sleeping here! At least she won't hog the covers.
7) Good morning! What's on your agenda for today?
a) Maybe it was all a bad dream. Nuts. Time to confess.
b) You know, that leaving town is looking better all the time.
c) Gather up the kittens.
8) Wh-wh-what you gonna do with those kittens?
a) The ex had an appointment scheduled for them today. I should probably keep it.
b) I can't raise kittens, look how I treat people. I'm putting them up for adoption.
c) Euthanize them so that they can be with my girlfriend in heaven.
9) *blink* *blink* You're a real piece of work, psycho.
a) Yeah, I know.
b) Yeah, I know.
c) YEAH, I Knoooooow.
Scoring: 1 point for A, 2 points for B, 3 points for C.
Scores:
1-10: Hey, we all make mistakes. You tried your best. You're leaving this situation a little wiser, a little more mature.
11-18: Okay, you screwed up, you know this. But you're not doing anything to make it better. If this were a movie at the end you'd come to terms with your guilt, which would be good. But then you'd probably fall to your death and/or get hit by a train. Which would be bad.
19-23: Is Bad Decision your middle name? Cause it should have been. Of course, now it's going to be "Correctional Facility Inmate #24601".
24-27: You are a wonderful person. None of this is your fault. You were just trying to live your life the best you could, but things never seem to go your way do they? Buck up lil' buckaroo, tomorrow is a new day. (What? Like I was going to tell a kitten murdering nutball anything bad? Get out of here)
posted by Matt Worzala at
3:20 PM
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