THE TERRIBLE TRUTH
There was a man a month or so back who was detained at the airport when security found a "bomb" in his luggage. I place the word "bomb" in quotes because the item was not actually a bomb but, instead, a penis pump.
The man had been traveling with his mother and did not wish for her to know what the item was when it was pulled from his bag durring a routine search. I can sympathize, I don't think any man out there would like his mother, the woman who bore him, to know that a) he owns a device designed to lengthen and enlarge his penis and b) that he uses this item often enough to necessitate it traveling in his luggage.
So the man, like any man caught in a tight situation, lied. This is not a surprise. Men lie all the time. The top three lies, in no particular order are currently:
- No, you don't look fat in that outfit.
- I'd love to still be friends.
- You know, Jessica Alba isn't even all that attractive.
The lie is not the crucial matter here, the crucial matter is that this man's brain, racing as it was, chose The Single Most Idiotic Lie EVER. A bomb. Somehow, someway, this poor sap weighed all of his options and figured in this, post 9/11 America, it was far, far better to tell airport security he was carrying a bomb in his bag than let his mother know it was actually a penis pump.
There had to have been other avenues he could have gone down.
"That? Why that's an economy sized pen holder."
"That? Why that's an automatic balloon inflater."
"That? Yes, it's a penis pump. That darn roommate of mine must have snuck it in there. He's such a jokester."
"That? Dude, you know what it is. Why do you have to bust my balls in front of my mom?"
"Que? No Hablo English."
Now, not only DOES his mother know he has a penis pump, all of airline security knows. All of the airport knows. All of America knows. Poor Mardin Azad Amin. Poor stupid Mardin Azad Amin. That's M-a-r-d-i-n A-z-a-d A-m-i-n.
Next time, just check it through, dude. Hide it in your spare shoes like everyone else does.
Uhhh... not that I would know.
The man had been traveling with his mother and did not wish for her to know what the item was when it was pulled from his bag durring a routine search. I can sympathize, I don't think any man out there would like his mother, the woman who bore him, to know that a) he owns a device designed to lengthen and enlarge his penis and b) that he uses this item often enough to necessitate it traveling in his luggage.
So the man, like any man caught in a tight situation, lied. This is not a surprise. Men lie all the time. The top three lies, in no particular order are currently:
- No, you don't look fat in that outfit.
- I'd love to still be friends.
- You know, Jessica Alba isn't even all that attractive.
The lie is not the crucial matter here, the crucial matter is that this man's brain, racing as it was, chose The Single Most Idiotic Lie EVER. A bomb. Somehow, someway, this poor sap weighed all of his options and figured in this, post 9/11 America, it was far, far better to tell airport security he was carrying a bomb in his bag than let his mother know it was actually a penis pump.
There had to have been other avenues he could have gone down.
"That? Why that's an economy sized pen holder."
"That? Why that's an automatic balloon inflater."
"That? Yes, it's a penis pump. That darn roommate of mine must have snuck it in there. He's such a jokester."
"That? Dude, you know what it is. Why do you have to bust my balls in front of my mom?"
"Que? No Hablo English."
Now, not only DOES his mother know he has a penis pump, all of airline security knows. All of the airport knows. All of America knows. Poor Mardin Azad Amin. Poor stupid Mardin Azad Amin. That's M-a-r-d-i-n A-z-a-d A-m-i-n.
Next time, just check it through, dude. Hide it in your spare shoes like everyone else does.
Uhhh... not that I would know.
posted by Matt Worzala at
11:21 PM
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