TODAY

I've been bouncing this around, I wasn't sure I wanted to talk about September 11th today, but with it BEING September 11th as well as the 5th anniversary of the attacks it seems silly to tip toe around it, like the elephant in the room.

5 years ago I was a senior in college. I was 21 years old and just starting my second year as a Housefellow at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. I woke up about 7:30 that morning because I had to head down the block to register our floor team for flag football. I went down to the Natatorium (which is, by the by, the proper term for a gymnasium that includes a swimming pool) signed up and headed back to the dorm. I went back to sleep because, well, I was in college and I didn't have class for a few more hours.

I woke up to radio announcers talking about "the plane crashing into the World Trade Center". My first thought was what a tragedy it was that a pilot had accidentally flown into one of the towers. My second thought was wondering how you could not see the Trade Center coming up on you and swerve to avoid them. Then I heard them say a second plane had hit and I didn't know what to think. I turned on the TV and I saw two halves of smoking buildings. When they had said the Towers had been hit, I thought the tops had been nicked, I never would have guessed it looked like that.

Like everyone on my floor I sat in my room watching CNN. I remember seeing live the people running down the street towards the camera as the giant cloud of dust and debris suddenly came rolling towards them. Eventually I had to leave for class, so I did, unable to watch anymore. As I left I heard the report of United 93 crashing into a field in Pennsylvania. I remember yelling "What is there to bomb in Pennsylvania you terrorist assholes?!?" before slamming open the fire door and leaving the dorm. Some people were upset that classes were still being held that day, I for one appreciated the reprieve and it wasn't like anyone had to be at class that didn't want to be.

That's what I remember of the day. I remember being numb and being angry. I remember being angry at the entire Middle East for being unable to stop hating each other for five seconds. I was angry that their hate had flooded onto our shores and killed our people. I KNOW that we are not blameless for the problems in that region, at the same time I KNOW that the almost 3,000 people that died on September 11th were not to be held accountable for our country's transgressions. In the darkest moments of my anger I wished the entire region would be turned into a "great glass parking lot." If they could not make peace with each other, peace would be made for them, permanently. Fortunately I didn't hold onto this idea for too long. Just as our 3,000 did not deserve to die, the people of that region do not deserve to die because of the actions of a few zealots.

I sat on my couch, maybe two weeks later, watching television and the end of Rocky was on. And there was Rocky, battered, bleeding, but standing at the end and screaming, not saying, not yelling, out right screaming from his heart for Adrian. And I began to cry. I laughed at myself, as I usually do when I start crying, for being weak, but it was the first time I had cried since the attacks. It was what I needed to come back to some balance after what had happened. A heavy handed metaphor could be made between Rocky and America immediately after September 11th, but it's a poor metaphor and I'd be a hack for trying. Despite what Tani might tell you, I am not a hack. Not all the time any way.

Maybe a month after September 11th I came across an underage resident drinking in his room. After talking to him I returned to my room to fill out his disciplinary contact card. He came to my room to talk to me and one of the things we talked about was what had happened. He told me, and this is something I've always remembered, if he had been in charge he would have gone on television and said "We forgive you for what you've done to us."

I wonder what that would have done. It didn't mean that we were not going to bring the perpetrator to justice, you can forgive someone and still wish to see them punished by the law, but it would have thrown out all the "Dead or Alive" and "Bring 'em On" rhetoric. If we had stood there, a bloodied nation, and told not only our attackers but the world as well that we as a nation were bigger than our justifiable anger. That we were going to live as the God loving nation we so often claim to be. Not an angry, wrathful God, but the God who told us to "love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you.... For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Don't even the tax collectors do the same? If you only greet your friends, what more do you do than others?" (Matthew 5:44, 46-47)

Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference. I can't say. Sometimes when it comes to the world I'm too optimistic. But I'd like to believe it would make a difference. I'd like to believe it could still make a difference, even five years later. I wish that was our legacy.

God bless you all, and Be Excellent To Each Other, today and every day to come.