A BRIEF TIME LINE OF THE LAST 5 YEARS FOR MAURICE CLARETT

-Graduate High School (yay!)
-Enroll at The Ohio State to play Big Ten Football (Yipee!)
-Score the winning touch down that wins The Buckeyes the National Championship title (BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!! THANK YOU MAMA! THANK YOU JESUS!)
-Get suspended for falsley reporting a theft (Eh. Into every life a little rain must fall)
-Leave school early for the NFL (Next Stop: Greener Pastures)
-Found ineligible for the draft due to age (Hmmm... how can I age quicker?)
-Challenge ruling in court (Power To The People!)
-Court sides with the NFL (Could have SWORN there was an Amendment about this.)
-Make friends with Hai Waknine (It's always good to make new friends)
-Surprise! Now eligible, get drafted by The Denver Broncos (Mile High City, Mile High stacks of Cash!)
-Cut from Broncos before the end of the Pre-season (Forget this. I'm a former National Champion. Plus, Denver is a really expensive city. I'm sure I'm on to bigger and better things)
-Ring in New Years by allegedly robbing two people outside of a bar (What's a little theft between strangers?)
-Get arrested for robbery (Duuuuuuude, it's not cool to press charges)
-Remember Hai Waknine? Turns out he may be a member of The Jerusalem Gang. Oh, and he's a felon. Oh, and you still owe him all that money you're not making by not playing for the Denver Broncos (Maybe an autographed Buckeyes jersey will smooth this over.
-Things do not get smoothed over (Think Maurice, think. What could make this problem go away)
-Load vehicle with weapons, strap on a bullet proof vest (GENIUS!)
-Get pulled over by cops who find three hand guns and an assault rifle in your car (Officer, there is a perfectly logical explaination for all of this)
-And a hatchet (Dick.)
-Police fail to be able to taser you because of bullet proof vest (Yes! Finally, a little good luck!)
-So they mace you instead. (Double Dick!)
-Judge orders you to face a mental evaluation due to recent bizarre and violent behavior (Look, just cause you can't SEE the talking whale that lives on my shoulder doesn't mean he's not there, okay?)
-Hai Waknine still hasn't been paid. And now he probably thinks you were trying to kill him. With your four guns. And a hatchet. (Good thing Israelis have no history of holding a grudge)