WORZALA'S WEDNESDAY WORD 8-30-06
Today's word is "quiz" as in "Please take this handy Wedding Day Quiz."
1. You are a guest at a wedding in Massachusetts this past week, what is your biggest concern?
a) Will the couple find your gift useful?
b) Is your zipper down after stopping off at the bathroom?
c) Did the groom see you cop a feel on his new wife?
2. You are the groom. You've just seen a guest grope your bride, how do you react?
a) Make sure she's okay, and if she is, laugh it off. What a story this will be for your 50th anniversary
b) Ask the ushers to kindly and quickly escort the guest outside and inform him that he is no longer welcome at the festivities
c) Check him into The Smackdown Hotel
3. You are the groom. The cops have been called on account of your "problem solving methods". What next?
a) Calm down. Explain to the officers what happened. Let cooler heads prevail
b) Angrily demand that "this scumbag with the wandering hands" spend a night "being Bubba's boyfriend"
c) Cops schmops. Time to check another person into Hotel Le' Smackdown.
4. You are the bride. So far you've been felt up and seen your new husband hauled off by Johnny Law. How do you cope?
a) Go to the station, tell your husband how angry you are at him, but that you still love him. Bring him a slice of cake.
b) Same way you did in college. Drink till you forget.
c) Take out a restraining order
5. You are the groom. You have not been having a good day, and as icing on the cake, your wife has now filed a restraining order. What do you do?
a) Stand the recommended distance away, pop "In Your Eyes" in the old boombox and stand there with it over your head until she takes you back
b) Same way you did in college. Get drunk, pick up a sorority girl and take her back to her place for brief, unfufilling sex.
c) Restraining order, reschraming order. She's your wife! She'll take a collect call!
6. You are the groom. Guess where you are again.
a) Your wife's loving arms. Yes!
b) Living with your folks. She didn't take you back. Boo!
c) Jail. For breaking the restraining order. Son of a *****!
SCORING:
A- 1 pt
B- 2 pt
C- 3 pt
SCORES
1-6: You are mature, rational and level headed. You are also completely without balls. Even if you are already a woman. The flower girl has more testosterone than you do.
7-10: This is a little more like it. You're not going to be pushed around, but you're not going to go all crazy either. Still not the sort of person we're looking to invite to the reception, but thanks for the nice card.
11-14: Yes! I want to party with You Danger Man/Woman. You're the sort of person who makes a reception memorable. So what if a few chairs, a table, two waiters and an ice sculpture fall in the path of your fun loving times?
15-17: Okay, seriously, you need to chill out. Everyone's looking at you. Even drunk Aunt Dawn thinks you're over the top
18: Congratulations! You must be the couple I read about this morning. Better to have love and lost, right? Enjoy those multiple assault charges buddy, hope you liked the picture frame I got you crazy kids.
1. You are a guest at a wedding in Massachusetts this past week, what is your biggest concern?
a) Will the couple find your gift useful?
b) Is your zipper down after stopping off at the bathroom?
c) Did the groom see you cop a feel on his new wife?
2. You are the groom. You've just seen a guest grope your bride, how do you react?
a) Make sure she's okay, and if she is, laugh it off. What a story this will be for your 50th anniversary
b) Ask the ushers to kindly and quickly escort the guest outside and inform him that he is no longer welcome at the festivities
c) Check him into The Smackdown Hotel
3. You are the groom. The cops have been called on account of your "problem solving methods". What next?
a) Calm down. Explain to the officers what happened. Let cooler heads prevail
b) Angrily demand that "this scumbag with the wandering hands" spend a night "being Bubba's boyfriend"
c) Cops schmops. Time to check another person into Hotel Le' Smackdown.
4. You are the bride. So far you've been felt up and seen your new husband hauled off by Johnny Law. How do you cope?
a) Go to the station, tell your husband how angry you are at him, but that you still love him. Bring him a slice of cake.
b) Same way you did in college. Drink till you forget.
c) Take out a restraining order
5. You are the groom. You have not been having a good day, and as icing on the cake, your wife has now filed a restraining order. What do you do?
a) Stand the recommended distance away, pop "In Your Eyes" in the old boombox and stand there with it over your head until she takes you back
b) Same way you did in college. Get drunk, pick up a sorority girl and take her back to her place for brief, unfufilling sex.
c) Restraining order, reschraming order. She's your wife! She'll take a collect call!
6. You are the groom. Guess where you are again.
a) Your wife's loving arms. Yes!
b) Living with your folks. She didn't take you back. Boo!
c) Jail. For breaking the restraining order. Son of a *****!
SCORING:
A- 1 pt
B- 2 pt
C- 3 pt
SCORES
1-6: You are mature, rational and level headed. You are also completely without balls. Even if you are already a woman. The flower girl has more testosterone than you do.
7-10: This is a little more like it. You're not going to be pushed around, but you're not going to go all crazy either. Still not the sort of person we're looking to invite to the reception, but thanks for the nice card.
11-14: Yes! I want to party with You Danger Man/Woman. You're the sort of person who makes a reception memorable. So what if a few chairs, a table, two waiters and an ice sculpture fall in the path of your fun loving times?
15-17: Okay, seriously, you need to chill out. Everyone's looking at you. Even drunk Aunt Dawn thinks you're over the top
18: Congratulations! You must be the couple I read about this morning. Better to have love and lost, right? Enjoy those multiple assault charges buddy, hope you liked the picture frame I got you crazy kids.
Labels: Worzala's Wednesday Word
posted by Matt Worzala at
4:21 PM
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