NORTH KOREA ANNOUNCES NEW WEAPONS PROGRAM
North Korean leader Kim Jong-il, flying in the face of recent UN sanctions, announced a new weapons program this week.
"The capitalist, militaristic countries of this world had best reconsider further aggression towards the country of North Korea. We have taken the next step to protect our sovereignty, and we will use it against anyone that would attempt to exert their will upon us, be it Japan, the United States or the United Nations."
Jong-il then revealed his new weapon, which, according to eye witnesses, appeared to be an artists rendition of a dragon.
A U.S. military officer, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said the announcement sent shockwaves through the Pentagon.
"First we thought [Kim Jong-il] had said 'dragoon', so we spent three hours looking that up on-line. Then the intelligence department double checked the transcript and we found out he said 'dragon'. ...We didn't really know how to react to that."
According to sources familiar with the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il is not only serious, he is poised to act if his demands for decreased U.N. sanctions are not approved.
"As a child I swam the Pacific Ocean from Korea to Canada and back. As a young man I fought an army of bears armed only with a belt. As a man I invented the microwave. And as the ruler of this country, I have traveled beyond the mountains to the dark lands and I have returned with a dragon's egg," said Jong-il. He continued to say that if provoked he himself would ride the dragon into battle.
Ban Ki Moon, leading candidate for U.N. Secretary-General, said the United Nations would proceed with negotiations with North Korea using the utmost caution. "While it is true that North Korea's nuclear weapons test earlier this month turned out to be nothing more than a hoax perpetrated in a narcissistic grab for attention, that does not mean we can simply scoff at North Korea's claim of dragon possession. After all, who would make that up?"
If North Korea does possess a dragon, it is too soon to say how this may tip the ever delicate balance in Asia. Would conventional weapons be useless against it's diamond hard hide of scales? Would a dragon's terrible leathery wings allow it to outmanuever even the most advanced of aircraft. Could it's fiery breath recall scenes of Dresden, Germany during World War II?
Shortly after the announcement British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that if North Korea should make any dragon based attacks the British Isles would not hesitate to retaliate by deploying King Arthur and his magical sword, Excalibur.
"The capitalist, militaristic countries of this world had best reconsider further aggression towards the country of North Korea. We have taken the next step to protect our sovereignty, and we will use it against anyone that would attempt to exert their will upon us, be it Japan, the United States or the United Nations."
Jong-il then revealed his new weapon, which, according to eye witnesses, appeared to be an artists rendition of a dragon.
A U.S. military officer, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said the announcement sent shockwaves through the Pentagon.
"First we thought [Kim Jong-il] had said 'dragoon', so we spent three hours looking that up on-line. Then the intelligence department double checked the transcript and we found out he said 'dragon'. ...We didn't really know how to react to that."
According to sources familiar with the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il is not only serious, he is poised to act if his demands for decreased U.N. sanctions are not approved.
"As a child I swam the Pacific Ocean from Korea to Canada and back. As a young man I fought an army of bears armed only with a belt. As a man I invented the microwave. And as the ruler of this country, I have traveled beyond the mountains to the dark lands and I have returned with a dragon's egg," said Jong-il. He continued to say that if provoked he himself would ride the dragon into battle.
Ban Ki Moon, leading candidate for U.N. Secretary-General, said the United Nations would proceed with negotiations with North Korea using the utmost caution. "While it is true that North Korea's nuclear weapons test earlier this month turned out to be nothing more than a hoax perpetrated in a narcissistic grab for attention, that does not mean we can simply scoff at North Korea's claim of dragon possession. After all, who would make that up?"
If North Korea does possess a dragon, it is too soon to say how this may tip the ever delicate balance in Asia. Would conventional weapons be useless against it's diamond hard hide of scales? Would a dragon's terrible leathery wings allow it to outmanuever even the most advanced of aircraft. Could it's fiery breath recall scenes of Dresden, Germany during World War II?
Shortly after the announcement British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that if North Korea should make any dragon based attacks the British Isles would not hesitate to retaliate by deploying King Arthur and his magical sword, Excalibur.
posted by Matt Worzala at
9:45 AM
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