BABY'S FIRST LAWSUIT
Mattel recently recalled a number of their toys after reports that some of the parts made in China may contain harmful amounts of lead. China, you might remember, also tried to kill this woman, months ago.
Well, that certainly sucks for Mattel as well as China's plans to pick Americans off through their toys, but no real harm done, right?
WRONG.
I heard about this on the news coming into work a few days back. A couple is suing Mattel for money to see if their children have been damaged by being exposed to the recalled toys. Mind you, the children haven't actually yet been damaged. But they might be and By God, Mattel should be the ones to pay to see if they are. Or aren't. Which they don't appear to be. But who can tell, really?
I think this is a genius idea. And I'd like to jump on the bandwagon. Here's some lawsuits I'm sending in to my lawyer
to file before the end of the week.
1) Colt. Just in case I ever get shot by one of their guns.
2) Victoria Secret. They make those bra commercials that they show on television. If my fiancee catches me staring at one of those while she's trying to talk to me, she's only going to get mad. And then I'm going to have suffering.
3) Corn Farmers. Corn can be made into ethanol. Ethanol reduces the price of gasoline. With cheaper gasoline I can drive more often. If I drive more often the odds are good that I'll get into a car accident. Then I have a new car to pay for, along with hospital bills and possibly structural damage. I hope you have deep pockets Iowa.
4) Pabst Blue Ribbon. It's the Blue Ribbon of beers, how can you not drink to excess? And if I come in to work hungover from drinking Pabst until bar close the night before, not only am I facing undue pain and suffering, but if I am fired for sleeping on the job, then I'm unemployed as well. And who's fault is that? Certainly not mine.
5) NASA. So far Earth has not yet been invaded and enslaved by space aliens. But if it ever is, it will be 110% NASA's fault. No wonder their astronauts are always getting drunk.
Well, that certainly sucks for Mattel as well as China's plans to pick Americans off through their toys, but no real harm done, right?
WRONG.
I heard about this on the news coming into work a few days back. A couple is suing Mattel for money to see if their children have been damaged by being exposed to the recalled toys. Mind you, the children haven't actually yet been damaged. But they might be and By God, Mattel should be the ones to pay to see if they are. Or aren't. Which they don't appear to be. But who can tell, really?
I think this is a genius idea. And I'd like to jump on the bandwagon. Here's some lawsuits I'm sending in to my lawyer
to file before the end of the week.
1) Colt. Just in case I ever get shot by one of their guns.
2) Victoria Secret. They make those bra commercials that they show on television. If my fiancee catches me staring at one of those while she's trying to talk to me, she's only going to get mad. And then I'm going to have suffering.
3) Corn Farmers. Corn can be made into ethanol. Ethanol reduces the price of gasoline. With cheaper gasoline I can drive more often. If I drive more often the odds are good that I'll get into a car accident. Then I have a new car to pay for, along with hospital bills and possibly structural damage. I hope you have deep pockets Iowa.
4) Pabst Blue Ribbon. It's the Blue Ribbon of beers, how can you not drink to excess? And if I come in to work hungover from drinking Pabst until bar close the night before, not only am I facing undue pain and suffering, but if I am fired for sleeping on the job, then I'm unemployed as well. And who's fault is that? Certainly not mine.
5) NASA. So far Earth has not yet been invaded and enslaved by space aliens. But if it ever is, it will be 110% NASA's fault. No wonder their astronauts are always getting drunk.
posted by Matt Worzala at
1:52 PM
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