MAKING DREAMS COME TRUE

My friend Jen, who runs Quarter Life Crisis has always wanted to guest host a blog. Since I'm a swell guy, and since I thought all five of my readers might get a kick out of it, today you are treated to a little taste of what Jen serves up on her own site.

ENJOY!

"Six degrees of Matt Worzala"


When Matt said I could be a guest poster on his blog (after I coerced him to be a guest poster on my blog first, to which I'm still waiting for a post, tick tock), I think I might've squealed in delight. Not that he would've heard such a sound, because we've only exclusively communicated with each other via instant message on those days at work when one, or both of us, is so bored that we resort to talking in lines from Seinfeld without skipping a beat. I'm sure he could sense my giddiness, because he's a very perceptive guy.


He's also a very funny guy, and truth be told, that scares the bejezzus out of me. Naturally, whatever I write for his blog needs to be funny. Or at least, mildly amusing. I've often chuckled out loud from his stories. Like the time he was disappointed by a continental breakfast and thus presented his readers with the 4-Tiered Continental Breakfast Pyramid. Or when he feared he'd be left for the dead in the woods if his girlfriend got mad at him while they visited her parent's place out in the boonies. Hilarious!


I'm not sure I can be as funny as Matt, but all I can do is try. And really, will his four or five readers, including my dad (which I realize is weird - he just so happens to have a blog, too), really care if I bomb here? I'm kidding, of course. He's probably got like seven readers.


Well, here goes.


When I think of Matt Worzala, I think of Star Wors, which is the name of his blog. Duh. But really, I think of Star WARS, which is one of my favorite movies. Thinking about Star Wars leads me to think about Han Solo, or more accurately, Harrison Ford, who also played Indiana Jones. I love the Indiana Jones movies, especially Raiders and Last Crusade, probably more than I love the Star Wars movies. Besides having a massive crush on Indiana Jones (yes, the fictional character, not really the elderly actor), I also really LOVE the sound effects in the Indiana Jones movies, specifically the sound of Indy's punches.


So really, when I think of Matt Worzala, I think I want to punch someone in the face and have it make that sound. That totally unrealistic comic book-like THWAP. Not that this blog makes me want to invoke violence on anything (though, I once beat the crap out of a wayward washing machine, just saying). Really, it just makes me think of sound effects, and how it's a scientifically proven fact that girls absolutely cannot make their own sound effects for shit.


I'm always really impressed by my husband's sound effects. Like, his exploding bomb is, for lack of something better, da bomb. And his machine gun? Second to none! Then he'll tell me to try to make the same sound. So I try, and what comes out of my mouth sounds more like someone hocking a loogie, and not an awesome explosion.


Boy: "No, no. It's more guttural, less spit. Try it again."

Girl: "I'm trying! It's physically impossible for me to make that sound." *makes sound akin to cat chocking on a hairball*

Boy: *shakes head in utter disappointment*


If you don’t believe me, here’s videographic proof.


A boy attempts to make his own sound effects:




A girl attempts to make her own sound effects:




(I SWEAR I do not have man hands, aka the hands of a man, like a creature out of Greek mythology, part woman, part horrible beast, as it appears I do in the video. It's just the angle of the camera. My hands are actually quite petite and feminine, if you must know.)

See? That's case-closed, hard proof right there, that in at least the category of mouth-made sound effects, girls are far less superior to boys. It's a sad state of affairs, but it's true. If there were one talent I’d bestow upon myself, it’s be that. To be able to emulate the sound of a machine gun at will. I think that would come in handy in many situations.


Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. Matt Worzala seems like a pretty cool guy who I bet makes awesome sound effects. I’ll have to take his word on it, though. Remember, the whole instant message communication thing?