I'M SORRY

I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry that your son lost three of his best friends. But I will not give you money for your "fund raiser".

The three men died in a single car crash at almost 2 a.m.. They were leaving a bar after midnight on Sunday evening. They were driving with cases of beer in their trunk on their way to an after-bar.

Their car bounced off one tree hard enough to sheer the bark off of it, then flipped through the air before hitting the second tree. The impact was so forceful that when I saw the picture I honestly couldn't tell what part of the car I was looking at.

It is estimated by the reconstruction unit that the car was traveling at an excess of 70 miles an hour. The posted speed limit for the residential street they were driving down, after midnight on a Sunday, after leaving a bar, was 25 miles per hour.

I am sorry for your loss, but I will not give you money for your "fund raiser".

You can say all you want about "everyone drinks and drives", I will not argue that point. I will argue that if you choose to drink and drive you are knowingly taking a risk. If you choose to drink and drive, even though the bar you are leaving has a taxi service, and you choose to do close to three times the posted speed limit you are taking a much greater risk. Because they were stupid, I should give money for your "fund raiser"? I will not do that.

I am sorry that their friends are shocked at these sudden deaths. I am sorry that one of them lost both of parents before the age of 25. I am sorry that the cost to bury the three men is more than $6,000. $6,000 that they did not have when they died. But it is not my responsibility to help bury them because they killed themselves.

I do not know much about the three men. I know that two were 26, and one was 24. That's basically my age. If I remember correctly, they leave behind at least 3 children, some in other states, with two more on the way for the same man. An ex-girlfriend is 8 1/2 months pregnant, the new girlfriend is 5 months. I know that "[they] were crazy, especially when [they] got together,” that "[they] were just awesome to be around,” and "the life of the party during social gatherings." I do not mean to be rude, but those statements strike me as code for "they drank to excess a lot. Especially when together." And two children with two different women in less than 4 months strikes me as meaning at least one of them didn't always make the wisest of choices. This was another unwise choice. And I will not help you pay for it.

I am sorry for your loss. But these men knew what they were doing. They did not think for even a moment, I am certain, that they would be hurt. But they were. I can only thank God that it was only them. My father drives to work every morning between 3:30 and 4 a.m. He works two blocks from the bar these three men had left from. Other people's fathers drive to work at just before 2 a.m. on Monday morning. People's mothers, sons, daughters. They are not drunk, driving to an after-bar with cases of beer in their trunk, or going three times the posted speed limit. But if they had been hit by your son's friends' car, they would have been dead despite these facts. I would have helped paid for their "fund raiser". I would have helped pay to lay my father in the ground. I am thankful that they alone, who decided to take their lives into their own hands and then throw it away, were forced to pay the ultimate price.

I have been informed that at your "fund raiser", which I will not help pay for, that there will be alcohol served. Two wheel barrows full. A half-keg. I will bet money that at least one person will leave the event drunk and will still drive home. I will bet they will not see the irony in their decision.

I know these men are now in heaven. I know you grieve for your loss. I know they were young men with lives that still had promise to them. But I know that they were drunk and they were speeding and they were unlucky. And I will not pay for your "fund raiser".