BEARISHLY BULLISHLY BEARABLE

Dear People Investing in the Stock market-

If you could stop freaking out all the time I'd appreciate it. Thank you.

I mean, it's no big deal for me, I plan on working until I'm 67 and not touching my retirement funds until that point, so I've got almost 40 years of interest gaining to do. None the less, a little more chilling out on your part would be appreciated.

Seriously. It's the stock market. It goes up, it goes down. But guess what? It always, historically, trends upward. Don't believe me? Compare the prices just before The Great Depression with the numbers today. Compare the prices just before Black Monday with the numbers today. Compare the prices before 2002 with the numbers today. Notice a trend? That the numbers before those trading disasters are still lower than the numbers we see today. And each one is lower than the one after it. Because historically the market trends upward.

So stop flipping out like a tween losing a game of Starcraft. "ZOMG!! WTFH?!? Cthulhu!1!!eleven!" Hear that? That's what you sound like. It's unbecoming.

Sooner or later the market had to pull back, you freaking out about it isn't going to help. It's like you standing on a hive of bees. You may get stung by a bee. Ow! That sucks. But if you over react, swinging wildly and flailing around like you've got a nerve disorder, you're only going to get stung more. WORSE, you're going to rile up so many bees that I'M going to get stung. And I didn't do anything. I'm just sitting over here with my low return-low risk picnic, not attracting bees.

So knock it off.

Sincerely,
Matt
p.s. Speaking of bees. Enjoy Nicholas Cage's The Wicker Man (spoiler: WOMEN ARE EVIL AND WILL KILL YOU FOR HAVING A PENIS!!!!) re-cut as a comedy.