ALOHA FROM THE ISLANDS
My friend, and fellow blogger, Tani was in Hawaii this last weekend. While she was gone, I filled in on her blog, posting more odd personal ads. As a thank you, Tani did a small write-up about the Ironman competition she watched while on vacation. Oddly enough, there's no mention of Tony Stark...
Saw the Ironman in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii this weekend. Beth and I sat out for at a finish line for three hours and cheered her brother on as he staggered in after running 26.2 miles… just after biking 114 miles (yes, read that again) and SWIMMING two miles in the ocean. In the
time it took him to do that Ironman, I snorkeled two laps around a lagoon, rinsed sand off my feet, drank 2 mai-tais, yelled at a waitress who tried to sneak a gratuity past me on my bill, bought souvenirs, took a shower, shaved my legs, dried my hair and styled it, and took a lot of pictures of Hawaii. Obviously I was more productive because in the time it took him to do three things, I did about 12 things.
We were there at the finish line at dusk, sitting on a seawall watching a sunset, surrounded by thousands of people there to cheer on their loved ones. This was a big event. As each person ran the red carpet, everyone cheered, music blasted, and lots of the athletes had their spouse and/or kids run that last little dash with them. I was a bit concerned for a few of these. The mothers who did a handoff – handing their husband an INFANT to run to the finish line with – they worried me the most. Because if I had just run 26.2 miles, on top of everything else, there is a good chance I would not have a lot of strength left to carry a child. But you could tell some of these kids were old pros at this. Dad would take the kid, get a fresh burst of energy, and bolt down the red carpet. The kid would obligingly not cry as he turned into daddy's little bobblehead for a moment.
One guy proposed to his woman at the finish line after she had just finished the ironman. Talk about getting her when the defenses are down!
The most interesting one, though, had to be the BLIND MAN who ran the Ironman. He was pulled along by his "seeing eye" companion, and I had been drinking and found this whole thing hilarious. So I am going to be a little un-PC here, but I want to discuss this. Hey, it's not like I have to worry he is going to read this or anything.
First off, I want to know whose idea this was. Because if his companion was his nurse/seeing eye friend, he must have really been regretting this one.
Blind man: Hey – I want to show the world seeing-impaired people can accomplish anything, too.
Companion: Good idea! How about writing a book? I can type it out for you…
Blind man: no. I KNOW! I want to do an ironman – 2 miles of swimming, 114 miles on a bike, 26.2 miles of running.
Companion: ….uh. Okay?
Blind man: And I need you to do it too so you can lead me.
Companion: Oh, F%#*!
Blind man: come on, it won't be that hard!
Companion: YEAH RIGHT! Can't you come up with anything else?
Blind man: Well, there's Nascar, I guess…
Companion: …I'll get some sneakers.
Alternately, maybe the COMPANION wanted to do the ironman and just didn't want to lose his job by stowing his patient somewhere.
Companion: let's go for a swim.
Blind man: who are all these people? Why is there an announcer?
Companion: Don't sweat it. Let's go. OH! SWIM FAST! SHARK!
Later…
Blind man: HOW FAR DID WE SWIM! DID WE ESCAPE THE SHARK?
Companion: Don't worry about it. Here. Get on this hatchet-seat bike and follow me closely. HURRY! There's a pit bull behind you! GO! GO! GO!
Sorry… it's terrible… I just don't know how this came about.
And on the way back, Beth and I discussed the whole "seeing-eye" theory. WHY do they call them Seeing Eye dogs? Isn't that redundant? It's not like there are any "seeing Butt" dogs out there… Or "hearing eye" dogs…
I found it most apt that he did not have a dog. Do you know WHY he did not do the Ironman with a dog? Easy. Dogs are too smart. My dog, Shiloh, was a very energetic beagle. And he would have absolutely refused the swimming and biking parts… because he would NEVER have gotten on a bike. (ba-dump-bump) But seriously, to get Shiloh to run the marathon, we would have needed a seeing-eye SQUIRREL to run ahead just to keep the dog focused and running…and even then, Shiloh would have crapped out after a mile or so, because Shiloh was not a very motivated squirrel hunter.
In any case, I highly respect and admire what this man was able to do. Lord knows I will never be out there running and biking and swimming my way through a race like that… but I still think he should try a day in MY life in Hawaii… balancing a Mai-Tai while snorkeling is NO easy feat.
Saw the Ironman in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii this weekend. Beth and I sat out for at a finish line for three hours and cheered her brother on as he staggered in after running 26.2 miles… just after biking 114 miles (yes, read that again) and SWIMMING two miles in the ocean. In the
time it took him to do that Ironman, I snorkeled two laps around a lagoon, rinsed sand off my feet, drank 2 mai-tais, yelled at a waitress who tried to sneak a gratuity past me on my bill, bought souvenirs, took a shower, shaved my legs, dried my hair and styled it, and took a lot of pictures of Hawaii. Obviously I was more productive because in the time it took him to do three things, I did about 12 things.
We were there at the finish line at dusk, sitting on a seawall watching a sunset, surrounded by thousands of people there to cheer on their loved ones. This was a big event. As each person ran the red carpet, everyone cheered, music blasted, and lots of the athletes had their spouse and/or kids run that last little dash with them. I was a bit concerned for a few of these. The mothers who did a handoff – handing their husband an INFANT to run to the finish line with – they worried me the most. Because if I had just run 26.2 miles, on top of everything else, there is a good chance I would not have a lot of strength left to carry a child. But you could tell some of these kids were old pros at this. Dad would take the kid, get a fresh burst of energy, and bolt down the red carpet. The kid would obligingly not cry as he turned into daddy's little bobblehead for a moment.
One guy proposed to his woman at the finish line after she had just finished the ironman. Talk about getting her when the defenses are down!
The most interesting one, though, had to be the BLIND MAN who ran the Ironman. He was pulled along by his "seeing eye" companion, and I had been drinking and found this whole thing hilarious. So I am going to be a little un-PC here, but I want to discuss this. Hey, it's not like I have to worry he is going to read this or anything.
First off, I want to know whose idea this was. Because if his companion was his nurse/seeing eye friend, he must have really been regretting this one.
Blind man: Hey – I want to show the world seeing-impaired people can accomplish anything, too.
Companion: Good idea! How about writing a book? I can type it out for you…
Blind man: no. I KNOW! I want to do an ironman – 2 miles of swimming, 114 miles on a bike, 26.2 miles of running.
Companion: ….uh. Okay?
Blind man: And I need you to do it too so you can lead me.
Companion: Oh, F%#*!
Blind man: come on, it won't be that hard!
Companion: YEAH RIGHT! Can't you come up with anything else?
Blind man: Well, there's Nascar, I guess…
Companion: …I'll get some sneakers.
Alternately, maybe the COMPANION wanted to do the ironman and just didn't want to lose his job by stowing his patient somewhere.
Companion: let's go for a swim.
Blind man: who are all these people? Why is there an announcer?
Companion: Don't sweat it. Let's go. OH! SWIM FAST! SHARK!
Later…
Blind man: HOW FAR DID WE SWIM! DID WE ESCAPE THE SHARK?
Companion: Don't worry about it. Here. Get on this hatchet-seat bike and follow me closely. HURRY! There's a pit bull behind you! GO! GO! GO!
Sorry… it's terrible… I just don't know how this came about.
And on the way back, Beth and I discussed the whole "seeing-eye" theory. WHY do they call them Seeing Eye dogs? Isn't that redundant? It's not like there are any "seeing Butt" dogs out there… Or "hearing eye" dogs…
I found it most apt that he did not have a dog. Do you know WHY he did not do the Ironman with a dog? Easy. Dogs are too smart. My dog, Shiloh, was a very energetic beagle. And he would have absolutely refused the swimming and biking parts… because he would NEVER have gotten on a bike. (ba-dump-bump) But seriously, to get Shiloh to run the marathon, we would have needed a seeing-eye SQUIRREL to run ahead just to keep the dog focused and running…and even then, Shiloh would have crapped out after a mile or so, because Shiloh was not a very motivated squirrel hunter.
In any case, I highly respect and admire what this man was able to do. Lord knows I will never be out there running and biking and swimming my way through a race like that… but I still think he should try a day in MY life in Hawaii… balancing a Mai-Tai while snorkeling is NO easy feat.
posted by Matt Worzala at
1:11 PM
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