SURVIVOR
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...
...
*ahem*
sorryaboutthat.
SPOILERS!!
Last Week on... SURVIVOR
Team Ozzie:
Ozzie
Amanda
Cirie
Erik
Team Who:
Natalie
Alexis
Eliza
James
Jason
Parvati
Team Ozzie once again makes the miserable march back from Tribal Council, which at this point they could probably do in the dark. Everyone is bummed that Ami is gone, except for Erik. "How the hell am I still here?" he asks. I don't know. And if it were up to The Fiancee you wouldn't be. Get a hair cut.
The next morning we find the two least liked members of Team Who? (Jason and Eliza) sitting around discussing how little they are liked. Then the running joke of the episodes starts, as Jason informs Eliza that he has the hidden immunity idol. Now, Jason DOES NOT have the hidden immunity idol. He has a Stick. But he doesn't know that, and Eliza, who has yet to see Jason's idol, doesn't know that either. So he's excited and she's excited, and Jamie's excited as well.
The Confederation of Dunces couldn't be formed at a more appropriate time, because that day everyone gets the memo that it is time to MERGE. In a little bit of a cruel twist, everyone is ordered to pack up all of their things and row out to a new island. Once they arrive they are then instructed to pick one of their old islands to live on. Everyone picks The Favorite's beach instead of the Alcatraz copy Team Who? who had been trying to live on. So now they have to row everything BACK to that island (including the chickens. Heyyyyyy chickens.) and set everything back up again.
The new tribe is named by Erik, who tells everyone that "Dabu" is the Micronesian word for "good". He then reveals to the camera that "Dabu" is actually the Micronesian word for "Non-Micronesian Gibberish." "I could have named the tribe Maumau or Foshizzle, and I think they would have gone along with it." So from here on out, they will be Team Foshizzle.
The merge, as always, brings along some sticky entanglements. Erik, who has never met a hyperbole that he doesn't like, has sworn fealty to Ozzie for "saving his life." Eliza and Jason are stuck because Ami was voted out instead of Erik and that leaves them without an ally. Good thing they have that hidden immunity idol. *snicker* And while Eliza and Jason struggle to find another friend, Parvati is struggling with an overabundance. There's her original alliance of James, Ozzie and Amanda. Then there's her Team Who? alliance of Amanda, Alexis and what's-her-face. "I should just go and make an alliance with Eliza and Erik and have everyone mad at me," she jokes.
Good thing she's laughing about it, cause Amanda is not happy with suddenly being in an alliance with what's-her-face and Alexis. Especially with Alexis. Why? Because Survivor is like High School and Alexis is the transfer student that's suddenly catching the eye of your boyfriend. "Baby, I'm just showing her around the school." And that's not cool, cause the back seat of his car at the drive-in has nothing to DO with school, but at least you're still popular and a cheerleader and she's not, but then you come to cheerleading practice one day and there she is. And now they're talking about putting HER on the top of the pyramid, even though they promised you that spot over the summer. And the head cheerleader doesn't care, cause she's the head cheerleader and new girl isn't trying to steal her boyfriend.
So while "Head Cheerleader" Parvati is yuckin' it up, "Second Favorite Cheerleader" Amanda is sulking. But, we have to remember that Amanda is also a bit of a doormat, so she goes right along with the plan. She's going to "I don't know, what do you want to do" herself right out of a million bucks again this year.
Carrying on the Cheerleader metaphor if I can, and I will, Eliza is the dorky girl that lives on the same street as the head cheerleader and she thinks they're buddies cause they used to play together in elementary school, but what she doesn't know is that's just cause their mothers work together and there weren't any other kids their age that lived on the street. So now they're in High School and Eliza's all, hey Parvati, we're still on for that sleep over right? And Parvati's like, ohhhhh right, yeah, um, we can't. And Eliza's all, why not? And Parvati's looking at her feet and going, ummm... my house burned down. And, uh, you're probably allergic to my cat. And Eliza is starting to get worried and is like, well, we could just have it at my house then, and you can bring any of your friends over if you want, and my mom would order pizza. And Parvati just sorta mumbles and says she'll check.
...man, I gotta stop writing these metaphors, they make me sad on the inside.
So Eliza is sweating her position in the game and for good reason, but along comes Jason Bon Jovi who promises to give her his hidden immunity idol *snicker* if he wins individual immunity. That makes Eliza very happy because he's a boy and he's talking to her and they're PROBABLY going to get married. Or at least go to Prom.
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
Probst welcomes the new tribe and tries not to snicker when they tell him what Dabu "means". You can't fool Probst. Today's challenge? WATERBOARDING!! Ha-ha-ha-ha, you're outside of the U.S. suckas, and outside the reach of the Geneva Convention! Last person's brain to snap is the winner. The final three are James, Ozzie (natch) and Jason. James finally cracks under the pressure and it comes down to Ozzie and Jason. In a shocker, Jason pulls out an upset over The Dauphin of Atlantis. Ozzie actually comes out of the water looking like the ocean has betrayed him. You almost can't hear Probst congratulating Jason over the sound of Erik's sobbing.
Back at Camp Foshizzle, Jason is pumped about having won individual immunity over Ozzie. Maybe a little too pumped. Truth be told, he's kind of being a little cocky about it, especially for a guy that's currently hiding a stick like it's nuclear armament codes and not, you know, a stick. Eliza gets on his case about his promise and he tells her its in his backpack. Opening it up Eliza does a double take as she, unlike Jason, realizes she is holding a dirty napkin and a stick. You can hear her hopes being crushed from the Mainland.
Again, a metaphor. The dorky girl has finally met a boy that will give her the time of day. They went out a couple of times, hormones got the better of them, and now the girl has made a frightening discovery and her world has been turned upside down. Eliza confronts Jason about the idol, but this is what I heard.
Eliza- I'm pregnant.
Jason- No you're not.
Eliza- Yes. Yes I am.
Jason- We only did it, like, one time.
Eliza- That's enough.
Jason- You can't be pregnant.
Eliza- But I'm LATE.
Jason- Yeah, but you were on top. And that's scientifically impossible.
Eliza- Says who?
Jason- Says, you know, science.
Eliza- What science?
Jason- Hell if I know.
Eliza- Well... what if I am pregnant?
Jason- Sheeeesh, that's a toughie.
Eliza- Well, what am I going to do? I'd have to leave school!
Jason- Wow, I don't know. Well, I've got a scholarship, so I'm pretty good.
Which brings us to-
THE DOCTOR'S OFFI-
TRIBAL COUNCIL!
Eliza tries to make a case for keeping herself around in that she IS obnoxious and disliked (you know that sir) and that's how you win Survivor, by taking a less popular person with you. James says that's basically the first rule of winning Survivor. Heck, it cost Ozzie a million. Some heat is also thrown Alexis' way for being a "triple threat" of social, mental and physical skill. Alexis counters that anyone that's made it this far has to have at least two of those three skills. Everyone finally goes off to vote and Probst asks if anyone would like to play the hidden immunity idol.
AND ELIZA PLAYS IT.
Now keep in mind, she knows it is a stick. She knows in the very CORE of her being that it is a stick. But she is So Very Desperate that she is willing to ignore everything she knows about reason and play it any way. And that my friends, is how you get a Missile Defense System approved.
Probst gives his little speech about "hidden immunity blah blah blah" but you can't hear it over Ozzie and James howling like hyenas. I thought James was going to pass out from joy right then and there. Probst then tosses the stick into the fire, much to Ozzie's mock dismay. "Jeff, c'mon, that took hours to make." More laughing from James before Probst reads the votes.
Ozzie, Eliza, Ozzie, Eliza, Eliza, Aliza(?), Eliza, Eliza annnnnnnnd Eliza.
Oh, 'ell!
Sorry Eliza, at least the Rain in Spain still stays Mainly on the Plain.
ELIMINATED
Fairplay (Favorites)
Mary (Fans)
Yau-man (Favorites)
Mikey B (Fans)
Joel (Fans)
Jonathon (Favorites)
Chet (Fans)
Kathy (Fans)
Tracy (Fans)
Ami (Favorites)
Eliza (Favorites)
NEXT WEEK!
Son of a... I actually can't remember. Let's say... Alexis and Ozzie cuddle some more, James crushes something with his hands and Erik uses another hyperbole. That sounds about right.
...
...
*ahem*
sorryaboutthat.
SPOILERS!!
Last Week on... SURVIVOR
Team Ozzie:
Ozzie
Amanda
Cirie
Erik
Team Who:
Natalie
Alexis
Eliza
James
Jason
Parvati
Team Ozzie once again makes the miserable march back from Tribal Council, which at this point they could probably do in the dark. Everyone is bummed that Ami is gone, except for Erik. "How the hell am I still here?" he asks. I don't know. And if it were up to The Fiancee you wouldn't be. Get a hair cut.
The next morning we find the two least liked members of Team Who? (Jason and Eliza) sitting around discussing how little they are liked. Then the running joke of the episodes starts, as Jason informs Eliza that he has the hidden immunity idol. Now, Jason DOES NOT have the hidden immunity idol. He has a Stick. But he doesn't know that, and Eliza, who has yet to see Jason's idol, doesn't know that either. So he's excited and she's excited, and Jamie's excited as well.
The Confederation of Dunces couldn't be formed at a more appropriate time, because that day everyone gets the memo that it is time to MERGE. In a little bit of a cruel twist, everyone is ordered to pack up all of their things and row out to a new island. Once they arrive they are then instructed to pick one of their old islands to live on. Everyone picks The Favorite's beach instead of the Alcatraz copy Team Who? who had been trying to live on. So now they have to row everything BACK to that island (including the chickens. Heyyyyyy chickens.) and set everything back up again.
The new tribe is named by Erik, who tells everyone that "Dabu" is the Micronesian word for "good". He then reveals to the camera that "Dabu" is actually the Micronesian word for "Non-Micronesian Gibberish." "I could have named the tribe Maumau or Foshizzle, and I think they would have gone along with it." So from here on out, they will be Team Foshizzle.
The merge, as always, brings along some sticky entanglements. Erik, who has never met a hyperbole that he doesn't like, has sworn fealty to Ozzie for "saving his life." Eliza and Jason are stuck because Ami was voted out instead of Erik and that leaves them without an ally. Good thing they have that hidden immunity idol. *snicker* And while Eliza and Jason struggle to find another friend, Parvati is struggling with an overabundance. There's her original alliance of James, Ozzie and Amanda. Then there's her Team Who? alliance of Amanda, Alexis and what's-her-face. "I should just go and make an alliance with Eliza and Erik and have everyone mad at me," she jokes.
Good thing she's laughing about it, cause Amanda is not happy with suddenly being in an alliance with what's-her-face and Alexis. Especially with Alexis. Why? Because Survivor is like High School and Alexis is the transfer student that's suddenly catching the eye of your boyfriend. "Baby, I'm just showing her around the school." And that's not cool, cause the back seat of his car at the drive-in has nothing to DO with school, but at least you're still popular and a cheerleader and she's not, but then you come to cheerleading practice one day and there she is. And now they're talking about putting HER on the top of the pyramid, even though they promised you that spot over the summer. And the head cheerleader doesn't care, cause she's the head cheerleader and new girl isn't trying to steal her boyfriend.
So while "Head Cheerleader" Parvati is yuckin' it up, "Second Favorite Cheerleader" Amanda is sulking. But, we have to remember that Amanda is also a bit of a doormat, so she goes right along with the plan. She's going to "I don't know, what do you want to do" herself right out of a million bucks again this year.
Carrying on the Cheerleader metaphor if I can, and I will, Eliza is the dorky girl that lives on the same street as the head cheerleader and she thinks they're buddies cause they used to play together in elementary school, but what she doesn't know is that's just cause their mothers work together and there weren't any other kids their age that lived on the street. So now they're in High School and Eliza's all, hey Parvati, we're still on for that sleep over right? And Parvati's like, ohhhhh right, yeah, um, we can't. And Eliza's all, why not? And Parvati's looking at her feet and going, ummm... my house burned down. And, uh, you're probably allergic to my cat. And Eliza is starting to get worried and is like, well, we could just have it at my house then, and you can bring any of your friends over if you want, and my mom would order pizza. And Parvati just sorta mumbles and says she'll check.
...man, I gotta stop writing these metaphors, they make me sad on the inside.
So Eliza is sweating her position in the game and for good reason, but along comes Jason Bon Jovi who promises to give her his hidden immunity idol *snicker* if he wins individual immunity. That makes Eliza very happy because he's a boy and he's talking to her and they're PROBABLY going to get married. Or at least go to Prom.
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
Probst welcomes the new tribe and tries not to snicker when they tell him what Dabu "means". You can't fool Probst. Today's challenge? WATERBOARDING!! Ha-ha-ha-ha, you're outside of the U.S. suckas, and outside the reach of the Geneva Convention! Last person's brain to snap is the winner. The final three are James, Ozzie (natch) and Jason. James finally cracks under the pressure and it comes down to Ozzie and Jason. In a shocker, Jason pulls out an upset over The Dauphin of Atlantis. Ozzie actually comes out of the water looking like the ocean has betrayed him. You almost can't hear Probst congratulating Jason over the sound of Erik's sobbing.
Back at Camp Foshizzle, Jason is pumped about having won individual immunity over Ozzie. Maybe a little too pumped. Truth be told, he's kind of being a little cocky about it, especially for a guy that's currently hiding a stick like it's nuclear armament codes and not, you know, a stick. Eliza gets on his case about his promise and he tells her its in his backpack. Opening it up Eliza does a double take as she, unlike Jason, realizes she is holding a dirty napkin and a stick. You can hear her hopes being crushed from the Mainland.
Again, a metaphor. The dorky girl has finally met a boy that will give her the time of day. They went out a couple of times, hormones got the better of them, and now the girl has made a frightening discovery and her world has been turned upside down. Eliza confronts Jason about the idol, but this is what I heard.
Eliza- I'm pregnant.
Jason- No you're not.
Eliza- Yes. Yes I am.
Jason- We only did it, like, one time.
Eliza- That's enough.
Jason- You can't be pregnant.
Eliza- But I'm LATE.
Jason- Yeah, but you were on top. And that's scientifically impossible.
Eliza- Says who?
Jason- Says, you know, science.
Eliza- What science?
Jason- Hell if I know.
Eliza- Well... what if I am pregnant?
Jason- Sheeeesh, that's a toughie.
Eliza- Well, what am I going to do? I'd have to leave school!
Jason- Wow, I don't know. Well, I've got a scholarship, so I'm pretty good.
Which brings us to-
THE DOCTOR'S OFFI-
TRIBAL COUNCIL!
Eliza tries to make a case for keeping herself around in that she IS obnoxious and disliked (you know that sir) and that's how you win Survivor, by taking a less popular person with you. James says that's basically the first rule of winning Survivor. Heck, it cost Ozzie a million. Some heat is also thrown Alexis' way for being a "triple threat" of social, mental and physical skill. Alexis counters that anyone that's made it this far has to have at least two of those three skills. Everyone finally goes off to vote and Probst asks if anyone would like to play the hidden immunity idol.
AND ELIZA PLAYS IT.
Now keep in mind, she knows it is a stick. She knows in the very CORE of her being that it is a stick. But she is So Very Desperate that she is willing to ignore everything she knows about reason and play it any way. And that my friends, is how you get a Missile Defense System approved.
Probst gives his little speech about "hidden immunity blah blah blah" but you can't hear it over Ozzie and James howling like hyenas. I thought James was going to pass out from joy right then and there. Probst then tosses the stick into the fire, much to Ozzie's mock dismay. "Jeff, c'mon, that took hours to make." More laughing from James before Probst reads the votes.
Ozzie, Eliza, Ozzie, Eliza, Eliza, Aliza(?), Eliza, Eliza annnnnnnnd Eliza.
Sorry Eliza, at least the Rain in Spain still stays Mainly on the Plain.
ELIMINATED
Fairplay (Favorites)
Mary (Fans)
Yau-man (Favorites)
Mikey B (Fans)
Joel (Fans)
Jonathon (Favorites)
Chet (Fans)
Kathy (Fans)
Tracy (Fans)
Ami (Favorites)
Eliza (Favorites)
NEXT WEEK!
Son of a... I actually can't remember. Let's say... Alexis and Ozzie cuddle some more, James crushes something with his hands and Erik uses another hyperbole. That sounds about right.
Labels: Survivor:Fan Favorites
posted by Matt Worzala at
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