THE FRIENDLY SKIES
US Airways announced on Opening Day (aka Monday) that on Saturday one of their planes had had a... minor incident.
The pilot's gun went off. Which is a bad thing, because planes, like people and most major appliances, don't work properly once shot. And that's not even the worse case scenario. What if the pilot's shot went into the passenger area? And that woke up the sleeping Air Marshal hidden on the plane to protect everyone from Very Bad Things happening. So the Air Marshal is groggy and thinks a Very Bad Thing is happening and he starts shooting HIS gun. And pretty soon bullets are wizzing all around the cabin and you can't duck for cover because the person in front of you has their chair fully reclined pinning your knees down. Then the stewardesses are trying to tell the Air Marshal that there is no Very Bad Thing happening, but he's so angry about his two flight delays, and the fact that no airline gives you peanuts any more, and that all the normal Marshals make fun of him for being "just an Air Marshal" when they have their big Marshal summer cook-outs, that he just keep shooting any way. So you have to make an emergency landing in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, which is a very funny name when you're in middle school and hear it for the first time, but it is not what you would call an air traffic hub. Also, you can almost guarantee that your luggage is going to be lost.
Fortunately, this was not a worse case scenario, but still. The pilot, the person responsible for safely, you know, pilot-ing the plan from Point A to Point B, accidentally shot his own plane. That'd be like He-Man accidentally shivving Battle Cat with the Sword of Power.
So some questions are raised:
1) How did the gun go off? Was he trying to pick up a stewardess?
-"Hey baby, I'd sure like to fly YOUR friendly skies."
-"Ummm... no."
-"What if I showed you this little beau-" *kapow* "uhhh... that's- that's not a metaphor or any*ahem*thing."
2) How can a pilot be trusted with a complicated machine like an airplane when they can't be trusted to operate a safety button?
3) This pilot was authorized to carry a gun, in case something should happen. If something, should happen, is the pilot's plan to shoot down his own plane?
-"Fly this plane into a building!"
-"I don't think so!" *kapow* *kapow* *kapow*
-"Curses! We did not see this coming!"
4) If pilots can carry guns, how long before astronauts are allowed to have guns?
5) How long before they're allowed to have SPACE guns?
The pilot's gun went off. Which is a bad thing, because planes, like people and most major appliances, don't work properly once shot. And that's not even the worse case scenario. What if the pilot's shot went into the passenger area? And that woke up the sleeping Air Marshal hidden on the plane to protect everyone from Very Bad Things happening. So the Air Marshal is groggy and thinks a Very Bad Thing is happening and he starts shooting HIS gun. And pretty soon bullets are wizzing all around the cabin and you can't duck for cover because the person in front of you has their chair fully reclined pinning your knees down. Then the stewardesses are trying to tell the Air Marshal that there is no Very Bad Thing happening, but he's so angry about his two flight delays, and the fact that no airline gives you peanuts any more, and that all the normal Marshals make fun of him for being "just an Air Marshal" when they have their big Marshal summer cook-outs, that he just keep shooting any way. So you have to make an emergency landing in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, which is a very funny name when you're in middle school and hear it for the first time, but it is not what you would call an air traffic hub. Also, you can almost guarantee that your luggage is going to be lost.
Fortunately, this was not a worse case scenario, but still. The pilot, the person responsible for safely, you know, pilot-ing the plan from Point A to Point B, accidentally shot his own plane. That'd be like He-Man accidentally shivving Battle Cat with the Sword of Power.
So some questions are raised:
1) How did the gun go off? Was he trying to pick up a stewardess?
-"Hey baby, I'd sure like to fly YOUR friendly skies."
-"Ummm... no."
-"What if I showed you this little beau-" *kapow* "uhhh... that's- that's not a metaphor or any*ahem*thing."
2) How can a pilot be trusted with a complicated machine like an airplane when they can't be trusted to operate a safety button?
3) This pilot was authorized to carry a gun, in case something should happen. If something, should happen, is the pilot's plan to shoot down his own plane?
-"Fly this plane into a building!"
-"I don't think so!" *kapow* *kapow* *kapow*
-"Curses! We did not see this coming!"
4) If pilots can carry guns, how long before astronauts are allowed to have guns?
5) How long before they're allowed to have SPACE guns?
posted by Matt Worzala at
12:58 PM
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