OPENING DAY!
Today is, weather permitting, the first day of the Milwaukee Brewer's season. Forget yesterday's game between the Washington Expos Nationals and the Atlanta Braves (Team Motto: No, it's totally cool. This Native guy lives in my apartment complex). And double forget last week's Boston Red Sox/Oakland A's two game "Opening Day" series in Japan.
MLB: So, here's the deal guys. The NFL is trying to expand their market, holding games in Mexico and England. So, we're going to counter that by sending both of your teams to Japan to play for two games.
Red Sox: That's kind of a far for an exhibition game, isn't it?
MLB: Oh, no, these games will count.
A's: Like, for reals?
MLB: Yeah, A's, for reals.
A's: I guess that's cool. It'll certainly give us a lot of time to rest before the rest of the season starts up.
MLB: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Rest? Nah, you'll come back and crank out a few more exhibition games between then and the start of the real season.
Red Sox: Soooo... we have to play real games, then come back and play more fake games, and then play more real games?
A's: And we have to cross the Lost ocean to do it?
Red Sox: Dude, that's show's not real.
A's: Uh, WRONG. I read it on the internet.
MLB: Fellahs, fellahs, we can sort out these details on the flight. It's 14 hours long and crosses the date line.
A's: What if we don't want to go?
MLB: We'll force you to relocate in Puerto Rico.
Red Sox: That's cool. Half the team's already Puerto Rican.
MLB: *sigh* Fine, we'll relocate you to Kansas City. You'll all be Royals.
A's: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
So today is the Real start of Real Baseball. The Brewers, after years of heart crushing abysmality (a highly appropriate word I possibly just made up) finally finished above .500 last year for the first time since George H.W. Bush was in the White House. This year I predict 86 wins, and the Wild Card. Mark it down and we'll see how close I came at the end of the season. (Note: come back to this post at the end of the season and edit wins so I look like a genius) (Note: remember to delete first note before posting) (Note: Also delete second note. ... and this one)
Of course, as I mentioned earlier, today's game is weather permitting, as there's a storm system over Chicago. I, just don't know if any one will come.
Wait, what's that James Earl Jones??
MLB: So, here's the deal guys. The NFL is trying to expand their market, holding games in Mexico and England. So, we're going to counter that by sending both of your teams to Japan to play for two games.
Red Sox: That's kind of a far for an exhibition game, isn't it?
MLB: Oh, no, these games will count.
A's: Like, for reals?
MLB: Yeah, A's, for reals.
A's: I guess that's cool. It'll certainly give us a lot of time to rest before the rest of the season starts up.
MLB: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Rest? Nah, you'll come back and crank out a few more exhibition games between then and the start of the real season.
Red Sox: Soooo... we have to play real games, then come back and play more fake games, and then play more real games?
A's: And we have to cross the Lost ocean to do it?
Red Sox: Dude, that's show's not real.
A's: Uh, WRONG. I read it on the internet.
MLB: Fellahs, fellahs, we can sort out these details on the flight. It's 14 hours long and crosses the date line.
A's: What if we don't want to go?
MLB: We'll force you to relocate in Puerto Rico.
Red Sox: That's cool. Half the team's already Puerto Rican.
MLB: *sigh* Fine, we'll relocate you to Kansas City. You'll all be Royals.
A's: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
So today is the Real start of Real Baseball. The Brewers, after years of heart crushing abysmality (a highly appropriate word I possibly just made up) finally finished above .500 last year for the first time since George H.W. Bush was in the White House. This year I predict 86 wins, and the Wild Card. Mark it down and we'll see how close I came at the end of the season. (Note: come back to this post at the end of the season and edit wins so I look like a genius) (Note: remember to delete first note before posting) (Note: Also delete second note. ... and this one)
Of course, as I mentioned earlier, today's game is weather permitting, as there's a storm system over Chicago. I, just don't know if any one will come.
Wait, what's that James Earl Jones??
posted by Matt Worzala at
9:21 AM
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