YANKEES SIGNING INTENTIONS CRYSTAL CLEAR
The New York Yankees have announced intentions to sign 60 year old comedian Billy Crystal to a one-day contract. Barring disapproval by Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig, Crystal, a life long Yankees fan, will play Thursday in a spring training game against the Pittsburgh Pirates.
The immediate ramifications have been felt throughout the rest of the MLB. The Boston Red Sox are already offering huge two-day contracts to both Ben and Casey Affleck, in an effort to stay ahead of the Yankees in the completely unimportant spring training pennant race.
The Milwaukee Brewers, meanwhile, have announced signing Kevin Costner, Tim Robbins, Charlie Sheen and that kid from Rookie Of The Year that went on to be in "that pie movie" all to lucrative multi-year contracts as their new pitching rotation. When informed he would be released from his contract with the Brewers, Olympic Gold Medalist Ben Sheets broke down into tears. He then immediately contracted pneumonia from the tears and was put on 85 day injured reserve.
The immediate ramifications have been felt throughout the rest of the MLB. The Boston Red Sox are already offering huge two-day contracts to both Ben and Casey Affleck, in an effort to stay ahead of the Yankees in the completely unimportant spring training pennant race.
The Milwaukee Brewers, meanwhile, have announced signing Kevin Costner, Tim Robbins, Charlie Sheen and that kid from Rookie Of The Year that went on to be in "that pie movie" all to lucrative multi-year contracts as their new pitching rotation. When informed he would be released from his contract with the Brewers, Olympic Gold Medalist Ben Sheets broke down into tears. He then immediately contracted pneumonia from the tears and was put on 85 day injured reserve.
posted by Matt Worzala at
11:59 AM
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