SURVIVOR

SCHPOOOOOOOOILERS!!!

Fans:
Alexis
Chet
Erik
Jason
Joel
Kathleen
Mary
Mikey B
Natalie
Tracy

Favorites:
Amanda(China)
Ami(Vanuatu)
Cirie(Panama)
Eliza(Vanuatu)
James(China)
Jonathan(Cook Island)
Johnny Fairplay(Pearl Island)gone
Ozzie(Cook Island)
Parvati(Cook Island)
Yau-Man(Fiji)

We open with the Favorites returning to camp short Johnny Fairplay. In reality, this was the smartest move they could make. No one liked Fairplay, he wasn't going to make it to the end, and it was smart to cut him now rather then fall upon themselves and get rid of Parvati or Eliza.

Speaking of fall upon themselves, it seems that Parvati and James and Ozzie and Amanda can't wait to fall all over each other. Ozzie tries to put some brains to it, realizing that if he and Amanda are too Schmoopy one of them is going to get the boot and soon. But brains aren't really Ozzie's strong suit, if they were, Yul wouldn't have won the million that season, and he and Amanda are soon making out in the shelter at night. It gets so bad Cirie and Jonathan go sleep on the raft rather than take the chance they'll get rolled on.

At Fan camp it still looks like a disaster area. Their shelter sucks, their lack of food sucks, and their fire making skills suck. How hard? "We've used up half our flint and still don't have a fire." How you do you use up half a ROCK?? A real split is forming between the 7 younger people and the 3 older Survivors (Chet, Kathy and Tracy), so much so that people aren't allowing each other sleep under rocks. Yes, that's right people, no matter how bad your life gets just know that you will never have to face the humiliation of being told by a 20 year old that no, you can't sleep under their rock outcropping in a pile of sand and bugs. Things eventually come together, a lil' bit, as they finally get a fire going and build two separate shelters. Boy, I hope they've still got some juice in the tank for...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
What's that Probst? This challenge involves swimming? Well, I think we can guess who's going to win. And his name rhymes with Fozzieisanincredibleswimmer. Run across some lily-pad floats, swim a bit, climb a ladder, knock those clay blocks with keys attached loose with a hammer, use the keys to unlock a chest, assemble a map out of the puzzle pieces in the chest. Not only do you win immunity, but you also win... Fishing Gear! The Favorites all roll their eyes as Ozzie has literally been CATCHING FISH WITH HIS BARE HANDS. How he got those hands off a bear, I'll never know. Also, winner gets to send one member of the other team to Exile Island.

Before Probst finishes saying "go" Ozzie is already back on land with the first key. Chet, going third for the fans can't find his key in the water and can't get enough air in his lungs to go back under and look. Eventually his team calls him back in frustration, but it's too late and the Favorites lead is too big. James ignores the keys and rips the chains off the chest with his bare hands and then Yau-Man throws all of the puzzle pieces in the air, claps his hands twice and they fall into the correct spots. "The hardest part," said Yau-Man, "was figuring out how many times to clap my hands."

The Favorites decide to send Kathy to Exile Island, but remember when I said there was a twist last week? The winning team also sends one of their OWN members to Exile island. Two exiles, one immunity idol. Cirie elects to go, which is both good and bad. Yau-man is probably better at solving clues and we all know James doesn't use immunity idols (even when he should) so they would make better candidates in my opinion.

Cirie and Kathy get to the island and Cirie starts marching them all over God's kingdom looking for the immunity idol. It's amusing to watch as the clues keep sending them back and forth across the lagoon. I have to give Cirie a lot of credit, this is a woman who was afraid of leaves when she first played Survivor. In the end, their search is fruitless, but Kathy still has that immunity idol from before, so she's safe tonight. But what about Chet and Tracy?

Back at camp Mikey B (who, by the by, is the best example of Terrible Tattoos EVER. The guy has a ticket stub tattooed down his spine! Why? "I go to a lot of games") is plotting out just that scenario. "Okay, if she gives Chet the immunity idol, the girls will all vote for Tracy and she's gone. If she gives Tracy the immunity idol all the guys will vote for Chet and he's gone. When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars..." But there's another twist in the works! Joel, who looks like pro-wrestler Rhyno, thinks now would be a good time to get rid of Mikey's lady friend Mary, before they start to gather too much power. So he quickly brings in Chet and Tracy and a few others. Then comes Kathy.

"Who are we voting-"
"Mary."
"Who?"
"Mary."
"I don't... uh, is there a Mary on the-"
"Just. Write. Down. Mary."
(The Badger State, Ladies and Gentlemen!)

So with another double-cross in the works, we go to-

TRIBAL COUNCIL!
Nothing of any real importance comes out in council, so they get to the voting. Mikey looks happy at first, Tracy, Chet, Chet, Mary, Tracy... Mary? Mary?? MARY!?!


Mary, Mary, where you going to?
Oh, that's right. Home.

You can barely hear Probst read off the deciding vote for Mary over the sound of Mikey's jaw hitting the floor. Probst gives them a little smirk about blind siding and trust and sends them on their way.

ELIMINATED
Johnny Fairplay (Favorites)
Mary (Fans)

NEXT TIME
Action, Adventure, Face Paint!