SURVIVOR
*cough* *cough* Sorry for the delay on the *cough**hork**hack**cough*wheeze* Survivor recap. I've been sick the past.... millennium or so (at least that's how it feels). But, cause you demanded it, and because I'm too lazy to create original content and badly need the 4 cents a day I average in ad revenue, here is this week on... SURVIVOR
(Spoilers. Really? Yeah, really.)
Fans:
Alexis
Chet
Erik
Jason
Joel
Kathleen
Mary gone
Mikey B gone
Natalie
Tracy
Favorites:
Amanda(China)
Ami(Vanuatu)
Cirie(Panama)
Eliza(Vanuatu)
James(China)
Jonathan(Cook Island)
Johnny Fairplay(Pearl Island) gone
Ozzie(Cook Island)
Parvati(Cook Island)
Yau-Man(Fiji) gone
Maybe it was the cold and the coughing and the sweats, but it struck me that a lot of the beginning of this week was recap. Probably because nothing too important happens until the teams show up for-
REWARD CHALLENGE!
But before there can be a reward challenge, drop your buffs everyone, it's time to-
TEAM SWAP!
By luck of the draw Ozzie and Natalie are the new team captains. If you found yourself going "Ozzie and who?" don't feel too bad. That girl is Natalie, and she's done nothing so far. Which means she'll make the jury. Seriously. The girl has kept her head down and her mouth shut, and they haven't even started airing interview segments with her yet. Why? Cause she's probably got a LOT of face time coming her way in the back half of the season. Trust me, Denise was the same way. So was Brian in Thailand.
New Teams! Team Ozzie and Team Who!
Team Ozzie:
Ozzie (natch)
Alexis
Amanda
Chet
Cirie
Erik
Joel
Tracy
Team Who:
Natalie
Ami
Eliza
James
Jason
Jonathon
Kathy
Parvati
The two funny parts to come out of this are Ozzie trying to pick Joel and calling him Troy, not once but three times.
Ozzie- Troy.
*Everyone looks around*
Probst- Who?
Ozzie- Troy?
Probst- Joel?
Ozzie- Yeah, Troy. Joel. Whichever.
That and the indignation Parvati had when Jason called her "Poverty" when he picked her. Hey, if she was named "Jason" people wouldn't screw it up so much. ... if she were named "Jason" and looked like this though:
That'd probably just confuse people more.
So, now that everyone has new fresh smelling buffs and the winning team has been offered meat and wine it's time to get to the-
REWARD CHALLENGE!
Pairs are tethered together and forced to run a course. Pair A tries to avoid Pair B for a full minute, if they do, they get a point. If Pair A catches them, then they get the point. Nothing like racing through a maze of low and middle hanging wooded beams to soften up the competition. Parvati gets a fat lip, Ami lands awkwardly and spends the rest of the episode gimping around and Jonathon makes a diving tag that leaves him with a gaping hole in his leg next to his knee. But none of those injuries match the sheer brutality that Joel visits on his partner Chet. After one bad tumble Chet literally can't get back to his feet for the final 30 seconds so Joel just drags him through the mud, slamming his head twice into a wooden beam and then sending him flipping over another beam. That Chet wasn't stretchered off the island right then and there was a miracle.
In the end Team Who wins the challenge. But every time God closes a door he opens a window and Team Ozzie gets to go back to the Favorites camp. I have to believe the Fans thought they had died on the trip over and ended up in heaven, that's how amazed they were about their new digs. And THEN the remaining Favorites took them all to their Summer Home, aka the cave, and showed them that area too.
Oh yeah, and then Amanda caught, wrestled, and killed a 40 pound shark, so they had 40 pounds of shark meat to feast on. Said Amanda "I found a shark in the net! I'm from Montana, we don't have sharks in Montana! So I had to, you know, just kinda, I guess, wrestle it." That Ozzie didn't drag her off and make passionate love to her right then and there is a testament to his self-restraint.
While Team Ozzie is putting a good face on their loss, Team Who is having a big ol' frowny face put on their win. First, there's home, sweet home.
Then there's the difficulty they have cooking their Reward, as the Fans (who, remember, are all HUGE FANS OF SURVIVOR), have built their fire pit beneath the TIDELINE. James wonders out loud how these people are even still alive.
Speaking of staying alive, Jonathon's in real bad shape with his knee. The medical team comes in that night and cleans out the wound, which looks a lot like the Sarlacc Pit. I think I can even see a little Boba Fett falling to his tiny death before they stitch it up. Morning finally comes and the Favorites jump into action. Just to show how easy it is when you know what you're doing, under the direction of the Favorites, Team Who has a new space cleared, fire pit dug and shelter built in ONE HOUR.
Let's review. 12 days on their own:
ONE day with the Favorites:
Good thing these people are fans, or who knows WHAT might have happened!
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
Four of the players have to throw rocks to break four clay tablets. When the four tablets break they will drop four stacks of puzzle pieces. The four players then give those pieces to three of the players to assemble into a color matching puzzle. The last player is in an elevated chair helping them figure out the puzzle from above. Team Ozzie jumps out to a huge lead despite Joel's ability to hit the broad side of a barn, let alone a clay tablet. James, Jason, Natalie and Jonathon are getting frustrated because they've finally hit all four clay tablets, but two of them refuse to break completely, keeping their pieces suspended in the air. At one point Jonathon hits a tablet and the rock bounces off causing him to throw his hands in the air and go "I mean... MY ASS!!" So it looks hopeless for Team Who.
But then we get to the puzzle and Team Ozzie can NOT figure out how it's supposed to work. And suddenly Team Who has broken all of their tablets and Ami, Kathy and Parvarti are clicking on the puzzle with Eliza leading them from on high. This leads Joel to start panicking and yelling advice to Chet, who's doing his best to a) solve the puzzle and b) not fall out of his chair. Joel's frustration grows and grows but even his rage can't stop Team Who from coming from behind to snatch victory out of the jaws of Chet.
Back at Team Ozzie, everyone agrees that Chet should go home tonight. Everyone. Ozzie, Joel, Erik, Amanda, Chet. Even the chickens agree. Everyone but Tracy. And Cirie. And those two, who have been behind all of the biggest power plays so far this season, conspire to get rid of Joel instead. Cirie makes the very valid point that for as big as Joel is he has yet to either a) dominate at a challenge or b) win one convincingly. Which is true. The only two wins Joel has under his belt have been team efforts, one of which involved puzzle solving (the first cart race) and accuracy shooting (the coconut net challenge). But still, I mean, Chet HAS to go, right?
Right?
Ri-
TRIBAL COUNCIL!
Joel refuses to apologize for almost murdering Chet in the reward challenge and the team talks about how much stronger they're going to be after tonight's vote. Then the votes are read.
Joel. Chet. Joel. Chet. Joel. Joel. Joel. Joel.
BONADUCE SLAM!
Poor Erik. He never saw it coming. And poor Chet. Now he's got to spend another three days on that island.
ELIMINATED
Fairplay(Favorites)
Mary(Fans)
Yau-man(Favorites)
Mikey B (Fans)
Joel (Fans)
NEXT WEEK
If Jason plays that fake immunity idol, James is going to lose it. If Jonathon doesn't leave the game, he's going to lose his leg.
(Spoilers. Really? Yeah, really.)
Fans:
Alexis
Chet
Erik
Jason
Joel
Kathleen
Mary gone
Mikey B gone
Natalie
Tracy
Favorites:
Amanda(China)
Ami(Vanuatu)
Cirie(Panama)
Eliza(Vanuatu)
James(China)
Jonathan(Cook Island)
Johnny Fairplay(Pearl Island) gone
Ozzie(Cook Island)
Parvati(Cook Island)
Yau-Man(Fiji) gone
Maybe it was the cold and the coughing and the sweats, but it struck me that a lot of the beginning of this week was recap. Probably because nothing too important happens until the teams show up for-
REWARD CHALLENGE!
But before there can be a reward challenge, drop your buffs everyone, it's time to-
TEAM SWAP!
By luck of the draw Ozzie and Natalie are the new team captains. If you found yourself going "Ozzie and who?" don't feel too bad. That girl is Natalie, and she's done nothing so far. Which means she'll make the jury. Seriously. The girl has kept her head down and her mouth shut, and they haven't even started airing interview segments with her yet. Why? Cause she's probably got a LOT of face time coming her way in the back half of the season. Trust me, Denise was the same way. So was Brian in Thailand.
New Teams! Team Ozzie and Team Who!
Team Ozzie:
Ozzie (natch)
Alexis
Amanda
Chet
Cirie
Erik
Joel
Tracy
Team Who:
Natalie
Ami
Eliza
James
Jason
Jonathon
Kathy
Parvati
The two funny parts to come out of this are Ozzie trying to pick Joel and calling him Troy, not once but three times.
Ozzie- Troy.
*Everyone looks around*
Probst- Who?
Ozzie- Troy?
Probst- Joel?
Ozzie- Yeah, Troy. Joel. Whichever.
That and the indignation Parvati had when Jason called her "Poverty" when he picked her. Hey, if she was named "Jason" people wouldn't screw it up so much. ... if she were named "Jason" and looked like this though:
That'd probably just confuse people more.
So, now that everyone has new fresh smelling buffs and the winning team has been offered meat and wine it's time to get to the-
REWARD CHALLENGE!
Pairs are tethered together and forced to run a course. Pair A tries to avoid Pair B for a full minute, if they do, they get a point. If Pair A catches them, then they get the point. Nothing like racing through a maze of low and middle hanging wooded beams to soften up the competition. Parvati gets a fat lip, Ami lands awkwardly and spends the rest of the episode gimping around and Jonathon makes a diving tag that leaves him with a gaping hole in his leg next to his knee. But none of those injuries match the sheer brutality that Joel visits on his partner Chet. After one bad tumble Chet literally can't get back to his feet for the final 30 seconds so Joel just drags him through the mud, slamming his head twice into a wooden beam and then sending him flipping over another beam. That Chet wasn't stretchered off the island right then and there was a miracle.
In the end Team Who wins the challenge. But every time God closes a door he opens a window and Team Ozzie gets to go back to the Favorites camp. I have to believe the Fans thought they had died on the trip over and ended up in heaven, that's how amazed they were about their new digs. And THEN the remaining Favorites took them all to their Summer Home, aka the cave, and showed them that area too.
Oh yeah, and then Amanda caught, wrestled, and killed a 40 pound shark, so they had 40 pounds of shark meat to feast on. Said Amanda "I found a shark in the net! I'm from Montana, we don't have sharks in Montana! So I had to, you know, just kinda, I guess, wrestle it." That Ozzie didn't drag her off and make passionate love to her right then and there is a testament to his self-restraint.
While Team Ozzie is putting a good face on their loss, Team Who is having a big ol' frowny face put on their win. First, there's home, sweet home.
Then there's the difficulty they have cooking their Reward, as the Fans (who, remember, are all HUGE FANS OF SURVIVOR), have built their fire pit beneath the TIDELINE. James wonders out loud how these people are even still alive.
Speaking of staying alive, Jonathon's in real bad shape with his knee. The medical team comes in that night and cleans out the wound, which looks a lot like the Sarlacc Pit. I think I can even see a little Boba Fett falling to his tiny death before they stitch it up. Morning finally comes and the Favorites jump into action. Just to show how easy it is when you know what you're doing, under the direction of the Favorites, Team Who has a new space cleared, fire pit dug and shelter built in ONE HOUR.
Let's review. 12 days on their own:
ONE day with the Favorites:
Good thing these people are fans, or who knows WHAT might have happened!
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
Four of the players have to throw rocks to break four clay tablets. When the four tablets break they will drop four stacks of puzzle pieces. The four players then give those pieces to three of the players to assemble into a color matching puzzle. The last player is in an elevated chair helping them figure out the puzzle from above. Team Ozzie jumps out to a huge lead despite Joel's ability to hit the broad side of a barn, let alone a clay tablet. James, Jason, Natalie and Jonathon are getting frustrated because they've finally hit all four clay tablets, but two of them refuse to break completely, keeping their pieces suspended in the air. At one point Jonathon hits a tablet and the rock bounces off causing him to throw his hands in the air and go "I mean... MY ASS!!" So it looks hopeless for Team Who.
But then we get to the puzzle and Team Ozzie can NOT figure out how it's supposed to work. And suddenly Team Who has broken all of their tablets and Ami, Kathy and Parvarti are clicking on the puzzle with Eliza leading them from on high. This leads Joel to start panicking and yelling advice to Chet, who's doing his best to a) solve the puzzle and b) not fall out of his chair. Joel's frustration grows and grows but even his rage can't stop Team Who from coming from behind to snatch victory out of the jaws of Chet.
Back at Team Ozzie, everyone agrees that Chet should go home tonight. Everyone. Ozzie, Joel, Erik, Amanda, Chet. Even the chickens agree. Everyone but Tracy. And Cirie. And those two, who have been behind all of the biggest power plays so far this season, conspire to get rid of Joel instead. Cirie makes the very valid point that for as big as Joel is he has yet to either a) dominate at a challenge or b) win one convincingly. Which is true. The only two wins Joel has under his belt have been team efforts, one of which involved puzzle solving (the first cart race) and accuracy shooting (the coconut net challenge). But still, I mean, Chet HAS to go, right?
Right?
Ri-
TRIBAL COUNCIL!
Joel refuses to apologize for almost murdering Chet in the reward challenge and the team talks about how much stronger they're going to be after tonight's vote. Then the votes are read.
Joel. Chet. Joel. Chet. Joel. Joel. Joel. Joel.
Poor Erik. He never saw it coming. And poor Chet. Now he's got to spend another three days on that island.
ELIMINATED
Fairplay(Favorites)
Mary(Fans)
Yau-man(Favorites)
Mikey B (Fans)
Joel (Fans)
NEXT WEEK
If Jason plays that fake immunity idol, James is going to lose it. If Jonathon doesn't leave the game, he's going to lose his leg.
Labels: Survivor:Fan Favorites
posted by Matt Worzala at
2:11 PM
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