SURVIVOR

(Beware Traveller! Here there be SPOILERS!)

Last Week on... SURVIVOR

Team Ozzie:
Ozzie (natch)
Alexis
Amanda
Chet
Cirie
Erik
Joel(gone)
Tracy

Team Who:
Natalie
Ami
Eliza
James
Jason
Jonathon
Kathy
Parvati

After being blindsided by the Joel vote, Erik comes to the realization that sometimes people lie in the game of Survivor in order to further their own agenda. Seriously, I don't know what game these people are supposed to be fans of, but it's not Survivor. The next morning Tracy explains her side of things on the ousting of Joel. Man, it must be cold on that island. That's all I'm saying.

Tracy also tries to pull over Ami to the Fan side by acting like a sad-sack around camp. If you notice though, that's two different conversations edited together, as you can tell by the rather blatant change in apparel between the start and end of the talk between the women. Will Ami switch sides? Well we won't know until Tribal Council and we can't get there until we have-

REWARD CHALLENGE!
The players have to swim out to a float stacked with logs, boards and rope. Then they float those supplies back to the mat where they'll have 10 minutes to build a blockade to stop the other team from advancing. The two teams will then switch sides and the first team to overcome the barricaded chamber and get all members to the mat will win. And what do they win? SLAVES! YAYS!!

Ahhhh, I'm kidding, they win a pair of Islanders who will help show them how to better live on the island. Despite Jonathon's bum knee, he insists that he can be helpful in this challenge, so what's-her-face sits out instead. Good old what's-her-face.

Jonathon hobbles on the beach as the rest of the group swims out to get the bundles, yelling encouragement. Both teams get their supplies to the mat about the same time and the barricade building begins. Team Who? jams as much of their material into the chamber as they can, while Team Ozzie spends most of their time building a nigh-impenetrable front. This reminds me of a challenge seasons ago where the teams had to lock up a treasure chest as tightly as they could. One team tied a bunch of small knots, while the other group put all of their hope on one giant "super knot", in the end the "super knot" failed and the other team breezed to victory. The same thing happens here, as after Jason and Eliza manage to squeeze past Team Ozzie's first barricade there's nothing stopping them and the rest of the team quickly follows suit. Even Jonathon, who has to be pulled out by James and Jason at the end.

Chet and Jason are then sent off to Exile Island, but we'll get to that in a moment.

First we have to interrupt Team Who's good mood by having the doctor check on Jonathon's condition. The prognosis is not good as the doctor very bluntly informs him that if he doesn't get thee to a hospital he's going to lose his leg and possibly his life. Teary eyed and certain he had the game in his pocket, Jonathon gets on a boat and heads off into the sunset.


*sniff*

Back at Camp Who? everyone is sad that Jonathon has had to leave the game, especially James, who realizes that he is suddenly the odd man out and his lack of communicative skills, while very cool as a character trait, do him little good in a game of strategy.

Then came the Islanders


I mean the Samoans


I mean Edwin and Joe. They aren't even out of the boat before Parvati is hitting on them. Ohhhh good old Parvati. The Samoans show them how to catch fish and get crabs, ... must resist Parvati joke.... musssst fiiiight. While the Samoans teaching, the players are plotting. I know, Erik would be SHOCKED. Amanda wants to chop out Chet, because, well, he's Chet. Ami, however, feels bad for the Fans and talks to Tracy about possibly kicking out Cirie. Man, Tracy is like 10 Jedi!

Over at Exile Island Chet is Chet-tin' it up aka laying in the water. He hurt his heel I guess (I don't know how you hurt yourself just laying around all day) and doesn't want to look for the Idol, which he thinks Ozzie already has. Jason is a little more optimistic and goes looking. And then he finds it. The fake idol. The terrible fake idol. The hacked out of a piece of driftwood terrible fake idol. AND HE TAKES IT! Ohhhhhh Jason, Jason, Jason. Even Jamie thinks that's a dumb move.



Oh well, it'll only matter if Team Who loses the-

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
Probst explains the Jonathon situation to everyone and lets them all know that he is doing much, much better now that he's gotten the wound cleaned and some IV antibiotics into him. Then he explains the challenge, two players must cross a wide gap with the rest of the team holding balancing platforms for them to stand on. Once they've crossed, the entire team must then climb a small tower where all of them must have both feet on or above the top platform. I don't know if it's because it's Fans vs Favorites or because it's the sixteenth season, but I've seen this challenge before.

James literally carries Team Who to victory, as they use a single balance pole to carry first Eliza and then Parvati across the water. Team Ozzie, meanwhile, struggle to use the poles as they're intended, inching Tracy across the gap. Before they even get back to grab Ami, Team Who is up on the platform using James as an anchor to hold everyone aloft.

Back at camp, Team Ozzie is talking about how strong of a competitor Jonathon is and how much pain he must have been in to leave. So who comes hobbling up? If you guessed Chet, congratulations! You've been watching the show! So Chet wants out because his heel really hurts. Like, a lot. Ouchies. Tracy and Erik want Chet to stick around though, so they can use his vote to get rid of Ozzie and eliminate a huge threat. Erik starts throwing around hyperbole like a zoo monkey flings poop, telling Chet it'd be the greatest thing EVER in Survivor history if he could do this with his "last dying breath". Chet is undecided. I'm reminded of, I want to say Survivor: Amazon where after the merge the woman's tribe members absolutely REFUSED to vote off one of their women so they would have numbers on the guys. Every week the woman would beg to be voted off because she hated it and was sick and every week the women would vote off a guy instead. Funny, really, when you think about it. Unless you were that woman, I guess.

TRIBAL COUNCIL!
People talk about Jonathon and the possibility of Ozzie having the Immunity Idol. Ozzie denies it and then seems to speak prophetically as he says if he's voted off it would be a complete blindsiding. Chet, for his part, is dumb and doesn't say "I want to go home" but instead says something about no one ever knowing who's going home. So, you know, way to blow the potential blindsiding Chet. None the less, Ozzie refuses to play the immunity idol and the votes come out.

Chet. Chet. Chet. Chhhhhhhhet. And like that, Chet is gone! Even Erik voted for him, proving that Erik has no idea what he's doing in this game. At all. Tracy, meanwhile, watches her Survivor plans go up in a cloud of pink smoke.


BONADUCE SLAM!

ELIMINATED
Fairplay (Favorites)
Mary (Fans)
Yau-man (Favorites)
Mikey B (Fans)
Joel (Fans)
Jonathon (Favorites)
Chet (Fans)

NEXT WEEK!
Life is hard. Hard for the Fans. Hard for Team Who. Hard. Hard. Hard. Welcome to Survivor!