WORZALA'S WEDNESDAY WORD 7-5-06
Today's word is "form" as in "Here's a handy form letter you can use if you'd like."
To Whom It May Concern:
Re: Your Fireworks Display
First, let me commend you on your patriotic spirit. Truly, we live in the greatest country in the world and the 4th of July is an excellent time to celebrate this fact. There are many different ways to celebrate. Parades, memorial services, movie marathons, bar-b-ques, and of course fireworks. I see you have chosen fireworks, congratulations on your selection. I see you have also chosen to begin lighting these fireworks at 11 o'clock at night. This is where you and I hold a difference of opinion. You seem to think you should keep shooting off explosive projectiles, I think you should have a tree fall on your head, and then be eaten by a bear.
I apologize, that was unnecessarily harsh of me. Please accept my apologies, I don't know why I am so on edge. Perhaps it's the fact that it's now past midnight and yet you keep firing what is rapidly appearing to be a limitless supply of roman candles. But that is probably my own fault. If I were more of a patriot I'd be right out there with you instead of laying in bed, attempting to get more than 6 hours of sleep so that I may function properly at my job tomorrow. Oh, that's right, I work in the morning. I can only assume that you do not. I can only assume that your July 5th plans include sleeping in until TRL comes on MTV and then going to the mall to "hang" with your friends over by the kiosk that sells decorative knives.
I'm sure you have a perfectly good reason. Maybe you had to work until 11 p.m. and had promised a dying child that he would see fireworks before he passed away at 1 a.m. this morning. Maybe zombies were attacking your home and you were trying to frighten them off. Maybe your kid brother was abducted by aliens years ago and has recently returned to earth, without aging, and now he navigates a shape-shifting spaceship and you were trying to lead him to the new house. Maybe you're an idiot. I couldn't rightfully say.
In conclusion, I would just like to say that while I enjoyed your pyrotechnical display last night, the type of display you can only get by dropping $50 at the gas station fireworks tent, I would appreciate it if, in the future, you limit your celebration to a more reasonable hour. If the urge for late night explosions is too much to resist, might I suggest some alternate locations. Inside your house, for one. Or in your pocket. Perhaps even up your own butt, if you can pull your head out of there long enough to light the fuse.
Think about it, won't you?
Your neighbor and fellow American,
(your name here)
To Whom It May Concern:
Re: Your Fireworks Display
First, let me commend you on your patriotic spirit. Truly, we live in the greatest country in the world and the 4th of July is an excellent time to celebrate this fact. There are many different ways to celebrate. Parades, memorial services, movie marathons, bar-b-ques, and of course fireworks. I see you have chosen fireworks, congratulations on your selection. I see you have also chosen to begin lighting these fireworks at 11 o'clock at night. This is where you and I hold a difference of opinion. You seem to think you should keep shooting off explosive projectiles, I think you should have a tree fall on your head, and then be eaten by a bear.
I apologize, that was unnecessarily harsh of me. Please accept my apologies, I don't know why I am so on edge. Perhaps it's the fact that it's now past midnight and yet you keep firing what is rapidly appearing to be a limitless supply of roman candles. But that is probably my own fault. If I were more of a patriot I'd be right out there with you instead of laying in bed, attempting to get more than 6 hours of sleep so that I may function properly at my job tomorrow. Oh, that's right, I work in the morning. I can only assume that you do not. I can only assume that your July 5th plans include sleeping in until TRL comes on MTV and then going to the mall to "hang" with your friends over by the kiosk that sells decorative knives.
I'm sure you have a perfectly good reason. Maybe you had to work until 11 p.m. and had promised a dying child that he would see fireworks before he passed away at 1 a.m. this morning. Maybe zombies were attacking your home and you were trying to frighten them off. Maybe your kid brother was abducted by aliens years ago and has recently returned to earth, without aging, and now he navigates a shape-shifting spaceship and you were trying to lead him to the new house. Maybe you're an idiot. I couldn't rightfully say.
In conclusion, I would just like to say that while I enjoyed your pyrotechnical display last night, the type of display you can only get by dropping $50 at the gas station fireworks tent, I would appreciate it if, in the future, you limit your celebration to a more reasonable hour. If the urge for late night explosions is too much to resist, might I suggest some alternate locations. Inside your house, for one. Or in your pocket. Perhaps even up your own butt, if you can pull your head out of there long enough to light the fuse.
Think about it, won't you?
Your neighbor and fellow American,
(your name here)
Labels: Worzala's Wednesday Word
posted by Matt Worzala at
9:22 AM
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