AND THE LORD SAID...

I was in Texas this weekend, as you undoubtably know. While I was there I attended a wedding of two people I've never met before in my life. That's just the way I roll.

The reception was a nice little affair, but it seemed to clear out awfully early, especially considering the reception hall was in the same building as the church, and the whole shindig was ending at 8 p.m. Not exactly a long day by any standards. I was standing in the lobby giving Jennifer and her friends a chance to gossip about me in private when I overheard one of the guests talking with a security guard.

Guard- Place seemed to clear out kind of early.
Guest- Well, half of the guests are Church of Christ. So they don't drink or dance.
Guard- So? They couldn't have pulled out a deck of cards?

The guard raises a good point. What part of "no drinking and no dancing" translates to "can't stick around a party"? Even better question, what kind of wacky church is the Church of Christ?? I'm sorry, you mean THE Christ? The guy that turned Water into Wine is the namesake of your teetotaler sect? I could understand if Jesus had been at that wedding and turned the water into coffee or something, then it all makes sense.

"And the LORD did say 'Drink this, for thou has to work tomorrow.'" Mrk 7:15.

And Dancing? Seriously? Dancing is the devil? I thought that line of thinking was eradicated with the release of Footloose. Dancing? Get out of here.

I know they're not alone in thinking this either. I know there are varations of Christians out there that think that going to the movies is a sin. Can you beat that? Look, people, if Jesus died for your sins, I think he's got it in him to forgive you for watching pictures rapidly pulled across a constant stream of light to trick your eye into seeing motion. Cause if he doesn't? Well then I'll see you in Hell.

Look for me, I'll be the guy between Ghandi and Ben Affleck.

Awww man, that'd be a GREAT dinner party.