PASS ME YOUR PLATE
I drank a Diet Dr. Pepper today at work. I didn't want to, but I wanted the caffeine, but didn't want any coffee. Coffee is for closers. My soda options were Diet Rite, Diet Mountain Dew, Diet Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, Coke and 7-Up. 7-Up was out because, as I said, I wanted some caffeine. Mountain Dew was out because, at the same time, I just wanted to perk up, not dash around my cubicle. I wasn't in a Coke mood, so I got Diet Dr. Pepper, because it tastes MORE like Regular Dr. Pepper. It also tastes MORE like someone took all the fun out of my soda.
I hate diet soda. I hate the taste of it. It's like someone left the can sitting in the sun for a day and then handed it to me to drink.
But other people seem to love the stuff. I think it's because they think they're doing their body some sort of service by drinking diet soda instead of regular. "Hey Bill, isn't that your 6th soda in 5 hours?" "Yeah, but it's DIET soda, so back off." You want to do yourself a favor? Try cutting your soda intake by a factor of 3, then you could even afford to splurge on the regular stuff. You know, the cans with taste in them.
Or don't. Why should you be responsible for your own diet? The government apparently doesn't think you're up to it, so why should you think differently?
Last week the FDA issued a statement saying restaurants should reduce their portion sizes in an effort to help the American people fight the Obesity Epidemic.
Right off the bat, there is no "Obesity Epidemic", what there is is "A Lot of Fat People Running Around This Country". Trust me, I'm from Wisconsin, we're basically the fatest on average state in the union, so I know of what I speak. Yellow Fever was an epidemic, The Black Death was an epidemic, AIDS IS an epidemic, asking for fourths is not.
Here's some better ideas than the FDA's plan: Get the salad instead of the fries from time to time. Have a banana for breakfast. Don't dip your french fries into the extra ranch dressing. Don't get the extra ranch dressing. Drink more water. Go for a walk twice a week around the block. Don't go for a walk, stay in and have sex. Stop to drink some more water. Go back to having sex.
I know there are people who's bodies don't break down nutrients correctly and who can't burn fat off as easily as I can. I know once you put on a lot of extra weight it's very difficult to lose it. At the same time I know that people are not idiots. If you're in a situation like this you already know you've got to monitor what you can and can't eat. It shouldn't be the government's job to hold your hand at the dinner table because a couple of idiots didn't realize that 5 dinners at McDonald's a week wasn't going to get them a swimsuit model body. Have some pasta, eat some yogurt, jog to the nearest McDonald's if you want it so badly. Yes, I know it's raining out, what did I just say about getting more water in your system?
Please people, show some common sense, so we don't have the government looking over our shoulder at the drive-through and putting limitations on the buffet line. Because they just brought out a new tray of chicken drummies and I'm in the mood for sevenths.
I hate diet soda. I hate the taste of it. It's like someone left the can sitting in the sun for a day and then handed it to me to drink.
But other people seem to love the stuff. I think it's because they think they're doing their body some sort of service by drinking diet soda instead of regular. "Hey Bill, isn't that your 6th soda in 5 hours?" "Yeah, but it's DIET soda, so back off." You want to do yourself a favor? Try cutting your soda intake by a factor of 3, then you could even afford to splurge on the regular stuff. You know, the cans with taste in them.
Or don't. Why should you be responsible for your own diet? The government apparently doesn't think you're up to it, so why should you think differently?
Last week the FDA issued a statement saying restaurants should reduce their portion sizes in an effort to help the American people fight the Obesity Epidemic.
Right off the bat, there is no "Obesity Epidemic", what there is is "A Lot of Fat People Running Around This Country". Trust me, I'm from Wisconsin, we're basically the fatest on average state in the union, so I know of what I speak. Yellow Fever was an epidemic, The Black Death was an epidemic, AIDS IS an epidemic, asking for fourths is not.
Here's some better ideas than the FDA's plan: Get the salad instead of the fries from time to time. Have a banana for breakfast. Don't dip your french fries into the extra ranch dressing. Don't get the extra ranch dressing. Drink more water. Go for a walk twice a week around the block. Don't go for a walk, stay in and have sex. Stop to drink some more water. Go back to having sex.
I know there are people who's bodies don't break down nutrients correctly and who can't burn fat off as easily as I can. I know once you put on a lot of extra weight it's very difficult to lose it. At the same time I know that people are not idiots. If you're in a situation like this you already know you've got to monitor what you can and can't eat. It shouldn't be the government's job to hold your hand at the dinner table because a couple of idiots didn't realize that 5 dinners at McDonald's a week wasn't going to get them a swimsuit model body. Have some pasta, eat some yogurt, jog to the nearest McDonald's if you want it so badly. Yes, I know it's raining out, what did I just say about getting more water in your system?
Please people, show some common sense, so we don't have the government looking over our shoulder at the drive-through and putting limitations on the buffet line. Because they just brought out a new tray of chicken drummies and I'm in the mood for sevenths.
posted by Matt Worzala at
9:26 PM
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