IN HAWAII THIS WOULD BE AN AWARD WINNING POST

I've been sitting on spam e-mail titles for over a month now. I was hoping to do... I don't know, something with them, but I never could figure out what. As some of you more dedicated Star Worz-iors know, I used to do a "Friday Sp-oetry" section, but that was eventually cut due to lack of interest by both you, the Star Worz-iors, and myself. You can only try and spin "Larger Love Unit" into something poetic so many weeks in a row. I blame it on the boring spam I was getting. Peter tried to help, sending me some Japanese spam, but the file must of corrupted because I couldn't read it and the words were all mumbo-jumbo. Half of it was widgets instead of letters.

So here are some of the golden grahams that I've gotten lately.

-Goodiest Offer
(Wait, is that better than Best? What about Bestest?)

-Power drill your way to her
(Two movies come to mind. Porky's and Tetsuo, The Iron Man. Trust me, DON'T see Tetsuo. At least not after eating.)

-You should be made of honor
(Uhhh, I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure I'm better off being made of bone and muscle.)

-Be the pleasure machine of legend
(Now THAT is a spam title I can get behind! I envision a bronze statue years in the future with "Here Lies The Pleasure Machine" inscribed on a plaque below it. And then Charlton Heston rides up on it and freaks the heck out.)

-geysered sneezewort
(Anyone know that this means? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?)

-She will sure like how those pilules enhanced you.
(Those "pilules"? Well heck, nothing shady sounding about that. Sign me up!)

-Rod of pleasure in your pants
(Is that a rod of pleasure in your pants, or are you just happy to see me? Rod of pleasure sounds like something Starman would carry.)

-It's driller time!
(Oh man, is it drill o'clock all ready? I think I'll have a Driller Genuine Draft.)

-Your pants' key from her bedroom.
(So, if I understand you correctly, my pants have a key. And that key is located in her bedroom. And you will give me this key if I open this e-mail? Question, couldn't I just switch to button fly?)

-Feel proud if being a MAN!
(If being a woman, feel shame. So much shame.)

-Set your wife on fire
(Worst Marital Advice. Ever.)