SURVIVOR

(Are they Still Spoilers When They're This Late?)



Previously on... SURVIVOR

Team Fo'Shizzle
Alexis
Amanda
Cirie
Erik
James
Natalie
Parvati


God may look after the idiots of this world, but you gotta give God a fighting chance. Jason, dope that he was, is now gone and the estrogen percentage is growing higher every day. And just when it looks bad for the men, it starts to look worse, as James is called aside to have his finger looked at. He scratched it last episode and it's started to get infected. The medics look him over and tell him they'll send him back to camp, but if the finger isn't improving it'll need to have surgery. James is worried because as a grave digger he needs his hands to work. Now, surely, The Black Crocodile Dundee could just will a new hand into existence, but if he doesn't have to, that'd be for the best.

And then Alexis twists her ankle! Man, you'd think this was the Brewer's pitching staff and not Survivor with the way the injuries are mounting up.

Reward Challenge!
Oooooh, the figure crushing challenge! These are always fun, because someone always finds out the hard way where they sit with the rest of the tribe. Ooooh and it's personal question based. Man, that has potential drama written all over it. Nothing like finding out you're considered "Laziest Survivor" or "Least Deserving To Be Here" to rile someone up. Awwww, and loved ones! I thought for sure Erik's would be Snuffleupagus. But maybe because he's pretend he couldn't get a Visa.

I don't know why Cirie chooses to crush Amanda and let Alexis go. Well, I DO, cause she's more with that alliance now, which I guess makes sense. She's going to have an impossible time beating James. And she'd have a hard time beating Amanda too. Though she could probably beat Parvati, but she can beat Parvati with Natalie or Alexis hanging around in the final three.

Alexis, Cirie, What's-her-face and their assorted loved ones all get to go swim in Jellyfish Lake. Don't worry, they're stinger free Jellyfish. You can tell because it's not called "The Pain! Oh The Pain! I'm Frickin' Dying Here!" Lake. Amanda meanwhile not only gets crushed out of the winner's seat, she gets bounced to Exile Island. Maybe she'll find the As-yet-unused Hidden Immunity Idol. Maybe three people in a row can not use it. That'd be a new record.

Also setting a new record is James having to leave because of injury. That's three Survivors now who have had to leave for non-voting reasons, passing, I believe, All Star's record of 2.

Sniff

Good-bye James

Speaking of depressing, how must Amanda feel, frantically digging for the Immunity Idol on Exile Island? She knows she's in danger, and really, if she'd shown some sort of spine in the last three or four weeks, she'd be sitting in a much better position rather than squatting in the sand. And just when things couldn't get worse? Ohhhhh SNAP! The idol's back at camp! I bet Jamie's already found it!


Hey, here's an idea. If you're hurt, or you're tired, or you're just Chet, don't say you want to be voted out unless you actually DO want to be voted out. And if you bring up the possibility of voting yourself out, don't then get snippy if someone offers to take you up on your idea. *ahem*Alexis*ahem*. That's like the fourth rule of Survivor. No one wants to be the bad guy, cause no one thinks the bad guy can win (even though Richard Hatch did), so no one wants to make the mean cuts. So if you offer yourself up to the sharks, don't be surprised when they start to circle you.

What's-her-face then offers up Amanda's name if Erik should win immunity and they have to turn on each other. Parvati says she can't do it, and that has people looking in Parvati's direction. At the same time, they don't really NEED Parvati's vote to send Amanda home. So it's more a strategic move on Parvati's part ("Amanada, I swear I never wrote your name down" sounds really good to the Jury) than anything else. But hey, that only matters if Erik wins the-

REWARD CHALLENGE!

Uhhhh, I know Probst knows what he's doing. But I don't know how good an idea it is to give these people a gun this late in the game. Sure, they're SUPPOSED to shoot the saki bottles, but you know, the Donner Party was SUPPOSED to make it to the West Coast. Mistakes are made, is all I'm saying. I'm a little surprised that Amanda is a bad shot with the gun. She's from Montana and she killed a shark. I'm less surprised that Cirie and Alexis are not good shots. Has Cirie even come CLOSE to winning a challenge yet? Heck, keep her around to the final four and then cut her out when she fails to win the last immunity challenge.

Natalie is a little scary with how good a shot she is, but surprise, surprise, sur-fricking-prise, Erik wins AGAIN. With One of Ozzie's Sweethearts safe from elimination, it looks bad for his other Sweetheart. Unless she can find the Idol, that is. Because Parvarti's her only vote. Erik, useless as he is when it comes to voting, refuses to help her and Cirie is afraid of a tie. Why? The BLACK ROCK!



Wait, no, that's LOST.

They're afraid of the purple rock. You know, the one that hasn't been used to break ties in about a billion seasons? Even when Probst had to hand the Survivors lighter fluid and blow torches in order to start a tie-breaking fire, they still haven't gone back to the purple rock. So I don't know why Cirie's scared now. But she is, and so Amanda is screwed unless she can find the Idol. Which we don't know if she has because they cut to-

TRIBAL COUNCIL!
Amanda snipes at Erik for betraying her when she needed him most. No one talks about the biggest betrayal though. Natalie killing the chicken. Just like Tracy wanted to do all along and now that Ozzie's gone, look who's murdering chickens. WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!?!?!!!

Amanda is in bigger trouble than the chicken when the votes are made and Probst asks for the Hidden Immunity Idol. We wait. And wait. And waaaaaaaait and Good-bye Aman-OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! Amanada has the Idol! Amanda is swinging the Idol on her finger and it's all academic now! Ozzie and Eliza can't believe it! Jason can't believe it! James and his IV can't believe it! "When I told you I didn't have it, I didn't have it then so I didn't lie. Cause now I haaaaave iiiiiit." Awesome.

Doesn't matter! Doesn't matter! Doesn't matter! Doesn't matter! Alexis! Alexis!


BONADUCE BLINDSIDED SLAM!

I'm surprised none of the Survivors broke their jaws when they hit the floor.

ELIMINATED
Fairplay (Favorites)
Mary (Fans)
Yau-man (Favorites)
Mikey B (Fans)
Joel (Fans)
Jonathon (Favorites)
Chet (Fans)
Kathy (Fans)
Tracy (Fans)
Ami (Favorites)
Eliza (Favorites)
Ozzie (Favorites)
Jason (Fans)
James (Favorites)
Alexis (Fans)

NEXT WEEK!
Hush, Hush, keep it down now (Erik) voices carry! (to Natalie, three feet from where you're sitting)