THE HALLS ARE DECKED WITH SOMETHING
It stinks in our hallways at work. It has stunk for the last 5 work days, and a full weekend. I don't know why.
It smells like bad feet. You know what I'm talking about, don't pretend like you don't. But this couldn't be any normal foot. The smell is bad enough that if I were to see the offending feet I would be disappointed if I couldn't actually see those colorful "stink waves" emanating from it. Sadly, despite what my nose is telling me, it is unlikely it actually is feet, as the smell fills all three levels of the building's hallways. Swamp foot (swampus stinkus podiatristist) while powerful, has a very limited range of attack. Someone would have to be holding a fan to their naked feet to be spreading this smell this far. Who has that kind of time? Also, to be honest, a lot of the staff here couldn't find a fan to use if we put one in a see-through bag labeled "Fan" and then shoved their head inside. There's always the possibility that Mighty Odius, God of Smelly Feet, has returned to this mortal plane to once again plague humanity. But since I'm a monotheist, I can't give too much weight to that one.
On the other hand, it could be something died in the building. I would not be surprised as it is a bit of a deathtrap. Between the wet floors in the bathroom, the freezing cold studios and the asbestos in our tiles, I'm surprised we don't lose more people than we do each year. The fact that the smell fills the entire building lends credence to the idea that something could have died in a vent and the smell is being pumped around the building. I don't know what would want to come into this building to die though. We're probably the only 100+ year old building that no ghost wants to be caught dead in. Yes, I realize there was a pun in there, I apologize for all of us.
Seriously, what is that smell? It's like someone made cookies, but used roofing tar instead of eggs, hate instead of flour and then baked them inside of an outhouse. And you can't open the windows because 1) it's winter and we'd all die of exposure before the smell left and 2) the windows don't open. They put in new "energy efficient" windows a few years ago and while they don't, you know, keep out the cold or anything, what they lack in energy efficiency they make up for in all around inefficiency. Did you ever read The Glass Menagerie? Neither did I, but it was probably better to be in that play than in this building.
I think the people that rent the building are trying to send us a message. We're moving onto our own property next summer and I think they found out too early about it. I know I'd be upset if my only renter was leaving, they can't pay people to stay in the floor above us, and after we're gone this place is going to need a complete overhaul to make it useful to anything but, I don't know, a slaughter house maybe. The carpet couldn't get any more stained. Since they know we're already leaving, what do they have to worry about? That we're going to get so angry we'll stay an extra 6 months just to show them? We can't move yet, the building's not done and I'm not answering phones out in a tent in January. We know this and our land lords know this. I wouldn't be surprised if they have the custodian up in the vents every night laying out new dead rats to keep the stench up. The only question would be whether or not there's a union mandate that gets him time and a half for that sort of thing.
This is bogus. I was all happy this weekend to finally be done with this cold, only to return to work to find my nose no longer protected from this rank smell. So much for the benefits of clear sinuses.
My boss has me hanging car air fresheners around the office until further notice to help break up the smell. There's a box of 500 "Real Pine" tree shaped air freshers staring me in the face as I write this. I'm so glad I went to college.
It smells like bad feet. You know what I'm talking about, don't pretend like you don't. But this couldn't be any normal foot. The smell is bad enough that if I were to see the offending feet I would be disappointed if I couldn't actually see those colorful "stink waves" emanating from it. Sadly, despite what my nose is telling me, it is unlikely it actually is feet, as the smell fills all three levels of the building's hallways. Swamp foot (swampus stinkus podiatristist) while powerful, has a very limited range of attack. Someone would have to be holding a fan to their naked feet to be spreading this smell this far. Who has that kind of time? Also, to be honest, a lot of the staff here couldn't find a fan to use if we put one in a see-through bag labeled "Fan" and then shoved their head inside. There's always the possibility that Mighty Odius, God of Smelly Feet, has returned to this mortal plane to once again plague humanity. But since I'm a monotheist, I can't give too much weight to that one.
On the other hand, it could be something died in the building. I would not be surprised as it is a bit of a deathtrap. Between the wet floors in the bathroom, the freezing cold studios and the asbestos in our tiles, I'm surprised we don't lose more people than we do each year. The fact that the smell fills the entire building lends credence to the idea that something could have died in a vent and the smell is being pumped around the building. I don't know what would want to come into this building to die though. We're probably the only 100+ year old building that no ghost wants to be caught dead in. Yes, I realize there was a pun in there, I apologize for all of us.
Seriously, what is that smell? It's like someone made cookies, but used roofing tar instead of eggs, hate instead of flour and then baked them inside of an outhouse. And you can't open the windows because 1) it's winter and we'd all die of exposure before the smell left and 2) the windows don't open. They put in new "energy efficient" windows a few years ago and while they don't, you know, keep out the cold or anything, what they lack in energy efficiency they make up for in all around inefficiency. Did you ever read The Glass Menagerie? Neither did I, but it was probably better to be in that play than in this building.
I think the people that rent the building are trying to send us a message. We're moving onto our own property next summer and I think they found out too early about it. I know I'd be upset if my only renter was leaving, they can't pay people to stay in the floor above us, and after we're gone this place is going to need a complete overhaul to make it useful to anything but, I don't know, a slaughter house maybe. The carpet couldn't get any more stained. Since they know we're already leaving, what do they have to worry about? That we're going to get so angry we'll stay an extra 6 months just to show them? We can't move yet, the building's not done and I'm not answering phones out in a tent in January. We know this and our land lords know this. I wouldn't be surprised if they have the custodian up in the vents every night laying out new dead rats to keep the stench up. The only question would be whether or not there's a union mandate that gets him time and a half for that sort of thing.
This is bogus. I was all happy this weekend to finally be done with this cold, only to return to work to find my nose no longer protected from this rank smell. So much for the benefits of clear sinuses.
My boss has me hanging car air fresheners around the office until further notice to help break up the smell. There's a box of 500 "Real Pine" tree shaped air freshers staring me in the face as I write this. I'm so glad I went to college.
posted by Matt Worzala at
11:50 AM
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