ZAGFAN82 "TOTALLY CHEATING" SAYS THOMAS
-Raleigh, NC
Corey Thomas, 15, isn’t sure how ZagFan82 is doing it, but Thomas is positive he’s cheating.
“I’m losing 45 to 7, that’s just not possible!” exclaimed Thomas, known on-line as Thug4Life715. “He’s got to be cheating. He’s a hacker, I know it!”
Since accepting Thug4Life715’s challenge to a game of Madden Football 2006 earlier this afternoon, ZagFan82’s New York Jets have done nothing but dominate Thomas and his Carolina Panthers, racking up 300 yards passing and 4 interceptions.
“I read on the internet,” said Thomas. “That this guy in Sweden configured a Game Genie so it worked with the Playstation 2 to give your players unlimited sprint and also it let you see what plays your opponent was picking.”
“It’s so cheap it’s not even fair,” stated Thomas as yet another pass was intercepted by ZagFan82.
When asked about the potential use of a Game Genie by ZagFan82 to humiliate Thomas and his “leet skills”, Magnus Magnusson, Sweden’s Secretary of State, was skeptical.
“I’ve heard of this rumor since Madden 2004, but this such flagrant cheating is not in the nature of Sweden’s people. This sounds more like something the Danes would attempt,” said Magnusson. “That’s even if it were possible, which I highly doubt. The Game Genie was built to work with cartridge games, not discs, such as the ones that run on a PS2. If someone was able to make this item work they should be working for NASA.”
Thomas, meanwhile, has alternate ideas about what ZagFan82 should do with his life. Suggestions included being forced to sell his PS2 so that he could no longer cheat, being incarcerated and even possibly “falling down a well and dying.”
ZagFan82 is not the first person to have resorted to cheating in order to beat Thomas. Currently Thomas’ block list totals 400, a fantastic number considering Thomas has only been playing PS2 on-line for the past 16 months, meaning he has banned someone at a rate of almost once a day. The blockable offenses range from “constantly starting before [Thomas] said [Thomas] was ready” to “running the same cheesy play over and over.”
When questioned on what could be categorized as a tendency for “knee-jerk blocking”, Thomas remains unapologetic.
“They’re cheaters. Plain and simple. I’m really good at this game, I beat my brother all of the time and I beat most of my friends, except for Eric but that’s because he just plays as the Falcons and all he does is scramble with [Quarterback Michael] Vick. So if I’m good enough to beat everyone I know, how can KillBill420 beat me 35 to 3 as the Chargers, unless he’s cheating. He just keeps pitching it to [Running Back LaDainian] Tomlinson. You can’t do that in a real game. That’s cheating. So I quit after the third quarter and added him to my block list.”
ZagFan82, a 24-year-old teaching assistant at Reed College in Portland, has his own explanation for his dominant performance.
“Thug4Life715 just isn’t that good. He blitzes every down on defense, so all you have to do is anticipate it and then pass over the linebackers. And on offense he always runs the same slant route on third down. I even told him after my second interception that maybe he should change up his play calling. But he just called a homo and threatened to report me to Sony. How old is he anyway? I’m guessing 13, maybe 14 at the most.”
ZagFan82 then left for a date with his girlfriend of 2 years, a political science major who models on the side.
Corey Thomas, 15, isn’t sure how ZagFan82 is doing it, but Thomas is positive he’s cheating.
“I’m losing 45 to 7, that’s just not possible!” exclaimed Thomas, known on-line as Thug4Life715. “He’s got to be cheating. He’s a hacker, I know it!”
Since accepting Thug4Life715’s challenge to a game of Madden Football 2006 earlier this afternoon, ZagFan82’s New York Jets have done nothing but dominate Thomas and his Carolina Panthers, racking up 300 yards passing and 4 interceptions.
“I read on the internet,” said Thomas. “That this guy in Sweden configured a Game Genie so it worked with the Playstation 2 to give your players unlimited sprint and also it let you see what plays your opponent was picking.”
“It’s so cheap it’s not even fair,” stated Thomas as yet another pass was intercepted by ZagFan82.
When asked about the potential use of a Game Genie by ZagFan82 to humiliate Thomas and his “leet skills”, Magnus Magnusson, Sweden’s Secretary of State, was skeptical.
“I’ve heard of this rumor since Madden 2004, but this such flagrant cheating is not in the nature of Sweden’s people. This sounds more like something the Danes would attempt,” said Magnusson. “That’s even if it were possible, which I highly doubt. The Game Genie was built to work with cartridge games, not discs, such as the ones that run on a PS2. If someone was able to make this item work they should be working for NASA.”
Thomas, meanwhile, has alternate ideas about what ZagFan82 should do with his life. Suggestions included being forced to sell his PS2 so that he could no longer cheat, being incarcerated and even possibly “falling down a well and dying.”
ZagFan82 is not the first person to have resorted to cheating in order to beat Thomas. Currently Thomas’ block list totals 400, a fantastic number considering Thomas has only been playing PS2 on-line for the past 16 months, meaning he has banned someone at a rate of almost once a day. The blockable offenses range from “constantly starting before [Thomas] said [Thomas] was ready” to “running the same cheesy play over and over.”
When questioned on what could be categorized as a tendency for “knee-jerk blocking”, Thomas remains unapologetic.
“They’re cheaters. Plain and simple. I’m really good at this game, I beat my brother all of the time and I beat most of my friends, except for Eric but that’s because he just plays as the Falcons and all he does is scramble with [Quarterback Michael] Vick. So if I’m good enough to beat everyone I know, how can KillBill420 beat me 35 to 3 as the Chargers, unless he’s cheating. He just keeps pitching it to [Running Back LaDainian] Tomlinson. You can’t do that in a real game. That’s cheating. So I quit after the third quarter and added him to my block list.”
ZagFan82, a 24-year-old teaching assistant at Reed College in Portland, has his own explanation for his dominant performance.
“Thug4Life715 just isn’t that good. He blitzes every down on defense, so all you have to do is anticipate it and then pass over the linebackers. And on offense he always runs the same slant route on third down. I even told him after my second interception that maybe he should change up his play calling. But he just called a homo and threatened to report me to Sony. How old is he anyway? I’m guessing 13, maybe 14 at the most.”
ZagFan82 then left for a date with his girlfriend of 2 years, a political science major who models on the side.
posted by Matt Worzala at
10:04 PM
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