GUN RUNNER PT. 1

WHEN THE POLICE HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO TURN...

THEY TURN TO THE LOOSEST OF LOOSE CANNONS...

THE CRACKEST OF CRACK SHOTS...

THEY TURN TO...

GUN RUNNER

The city was hot. Hot like a woman. And damp. Hot and damp like a woman who'd just run through a sprinkler. And gritty. Hot and damp and gritty like a woman who'd just run through a sprinkler, then tripped and fallen into a sandbox. ...That's almost too gritty.

A crime wave had been sweeping the city, drugs were pouring into the town like lemonade into a glass. Except in this case the lemonade was grade A crack and the glass was human veins. Yeah, not so appealing now, is it?

The police chief hung up the phone and wiped his brow with a handkerchief. The mayor had been reading him the riot act for the last hour, he wanted results and he wanted them now. Of course, he didn't want to give the chief any additional resources to get the job done, typical politician. It was days like this the chief regretted that he'd stopped drinking. Sighing, the chief picked up his phone and dialed a number, there was only one man who could help him now.

"Gunther Ruettiger," said the voice on the other side.

"Gun, it's the chief."

*click*

Dial

"Gunther Ruettiger."

"It's the chief and your boss. Listen here Gun-"

*click*

Dial

"Gunther Ruettiger."

"Stop hanging-"

"I've gotta get caller ID."

*click*

Ring! Ring!

"Chief of Police."

"It's Ruettiger. I thought I'd call you for a change. See how you like it."

"Reuttiger, there's no time for your games. You know about the drug problem this city is having?"

"I do. It's like Girl Scout Cookie season, except the delicious Thin Mints are delicious crack."

"The mayor's all over me like a fat guy on a Chinese buffet. He wants this resolved yesterday and you're the only cannon on the force loose enough to handle the job."

"Right, well, I'll need a time machine..."

"Just get on the case wise guy. And Ruettiger, try not to shoot anything."

"I wouldn't have to Chief... if they weren't all so guilty."

*click*

Rising from his desk, the chief looked out his office window down onto the city. The man the criminals called Gun Runner better solve this case quick, the mayor wasn't going to be happy if he found out Gun was on the case and not still suspended. Turning back to his desk the chief pulled out a dog eared magazine. Good thing he hadn't given up pornography yet.