GETTING RICH, GUARANTEED
People often say to me “Matt, you’ve done so much for me with your blog. I wish I could repay you, but my significant other won’t let me name a child after you.” My advice for these people has always been “leave your significant other.” While this solves one problem, the bigger question still remains for most: How Can I Repay Matt Worzala?
Worry no more faithful readers, I have finally come to a solution. And, generous as I am, not only can you repay me, but you can make yourself financially wealthy as well. Truly, Star Worz IS the gift that keeps on giving.
As you know, when I’m not winning awards for my hard hitting brand of two fisted journalism, I work for a radio broadcasting company. If you didn’t know this, it’s probably because this is the first time I’ve mentioned it, but please, try and keep up. You’re better than this. Like everyone who works in radio I am both wealthy and Jewish, and even though Yahweh knows I don’t need the money, my coworkers and I are often brainstorming new money making opportunities. I am about to share with you now the greatest money making idea in the history of mankind.
The Badger 5 lottery.
Now, I am an idea man, so if the genius of this plan isn’t immediately clear, allow me to explain. The odds of winning the Badger 5 are 1 in 170,000. Here’s the genius, you buy 170,000 tickets, at the cost of one measly dollar each, and you are guaranteed to win the jackpot. Guaranteed! Plus, as an added Star Worz exclusive bonus, you’re also guaranteed to win more than just the jackpot due to the fact that many of your other 169,999 tickets will contain combinations of the winning five numbers. I’m talking free money and all you have to do is wait until the jackpot is worth more than $170,000. My partners and I recommend waiting for the jackpot to reach at least $200,000. Don’t worry about all of the other suckers out there buying one ticket at the local Gulp ‘n Go or the collective of women buying a dozen through their quilting circle, you’ll have this locked up tighter than a Notre Dame football television contract.
There will be naysayers. All great ideas have those who are too shortsighted to see the genius involved. The wheel, the automobile, the hula-hoop, all had their detractors. This is no different. Some will say it can’t be this easy to become stinking rich. Guess what? It not only can be, it IS. Ask them which part of “guaranteed” they fail to comprehend. Then ask them how they’ll like mopping up your yacht every day after you win.
So, here is how you help me and help yourself at the same time. Most of my portfolios are tied up in land development and hydrogen fuel cells at the moment so I’m a little short on the capital needed to get this Badger 5 ball rolling. All I need is a few wise investors to help bankroll Jim and myself to victory. Or else 169,980 cautiously optimistic investors.
What a great time this is for you. Baseball season is right around the corner, you’re going to become rich beyond your wildest dreams and you get to repay your old friend Matt for all he’s done for you. Remember this is completely, 100%, written in stone guaranteed money. You can’t lose.
Unless someone else wins the jackpot too. Cor. We’d take a bath on this deal if that happened.
Worry no more faithful readers, I have finally come to a solution. And, generous as I am, not only can you repay me, but you can make yourself financially wealthy as well. Truly, Star Worz IS the gift that keeps on giving.
As you know, when I’m not winning awards for my hard hitting brand of two fisted journalism, I work for a radio broadcasting company. If you didn’t know this, it’s probably because this is the first time I’ve mentioned it, but please, try and keep up. You’re better than this. Like everyone who works in radio I am both wealthy and Jewish, and even though Yahweh knows I don’t need the money, my coworkers and I are often brainstorming new money making opportunities. I am about to share with you now the greatest money making idea in the history of mankind.
The Badger 5 lottery.
Now, I am an idea man, so if the genius of this plan isn’t immediately clear, allow me to explain. The odds of winning the Badger 5 are 1 in 170,000. Here’s the genius, you buy 170,000 tickets, at the cost of one measly dollar each, and you are guaranteed to win the jackpot. Guaranteed! Plus, as an added Star Worz exclusive bonus, you’re also guaranteed to win more than just the jackpot due to the fact that many of your other 169,999 tickets will contain combinations of the winning five numbers. I’m talking free money and all you have to do is wait until the jackpot is worth more than $170,000. My partners and I recommend waiting for the jackpot to reach at least $200,000. Don’t worry about all of the other suckers out there buying one ticket at the local Gulp ‘n Go or the collective of women buying a dozen through their quilting circle, you’ll have this locked up tighter than a Notre Dame football television contract.
There will be naysayers. All great ideas have those who are too shortsighted to see the genius involved. The wheel, the automobile, the hula-hoop, all had their detractors. This is no different. Some will say it can’t be this easy to become stinking rich. Guess what? It not only can be, it IS. Ask them which part of “guaranteed” they fail to comprehend. Then ask them how they’ll like mopping up your yacht every day after you win.
So, here is how you help me and help yourself at the same time. Most of my portfolios are tied up in land development and hydrogen fuel cells at the moment so I’m a little short on the capital needed to get this Badger 5 ball rolling. All I need is a few wise investors to help bankroll Jim and myself to victory. Or else 169,980 cautiously optimistic investors.
What a great time this is for you. Baseball season is right around the corner, you’re going to become rich beyond your wildest dreams and you get to repay your old friend Matt for all he’s done for you. Remember this is completely, 100%, written in stone guaranteed money. You can’t lose.
Unless someone else wins the jackpot too. Cor. We’d take a bath on this deal if that happened.
posted by Matt Worzala at
12:06 AM
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