GOD ALMIGHTY STUNS CREATION MOVEMENT

Creationists were dealt a severe blow to their belief system when it was discovered recently that God had created a shallow water fish with many characteristics of land walking creatures, 375 million years ago. The Tiktaalik roseae, its name taken from the language of another one of God's creations, the Inuits, posses the jaw, fins and scales of a fish, but a skull, neck and ribs similar to early land walking creatures. Creationists everywhere were stunned by the Lord's most recently discovered wonder.

"I'm still in shock," said local Creationist Steve Stevens, a home school teacher. "I know our God is an awesome God, and it is not for us to question His grand design, but this really hurts our whole theory. And we making such headway into secular society too."

Indeed, Creationism had been making great strides in society. Several states have recently made efforts to include Creationism in their science textbooks, placing it side by side with the long held, and just as equally long debated, theory of evolution. There are even museums currently under construction to showcase proof of God's Master Plan. But now God Himself has thrown an evolved monkey wrench into those plans. Noted Bible student and Creationist author Luthor Stack, explains.

"Where you want to start? I mean, it's a fish, which God made, but it's kinda sorta like a land animal, which God also made. You could almost say it's a gator, if you squint, but why would He make a gator that ain't actually a gator?" questioned Stack. Stevens agreed this was problematic.

"Don't even get me started on its age. 375 million years old? How does that happen? The entire planet's only 6,000 years old. At least, that's what we've been telling everybody. I tell you, it's that whole Jurassic Park thing all over again."

"The whole Jurassic Park thing" Stevens refers to is the 1993 blockbuster movie of the same name, directed by Steven Spielberg.

"That movie nearly ended the entire Creationist movement," writes author Byron Blackstone in his book "Creationism: He Just DID, Okay??" (Westinghouse). "How do you explain to your children that the world was created by The Alpha and Omega 6,000 years ago when the very posters for the movie carry the heretical tag line "An Adventure 65 Million Years In the Making"? It wasn't like you could keep your children from going to see it. Everyone was seeing it, three or four times in some cases. My own parents went to see it! My 70 year old father, who doesn't even own a microwave becaue he thinks it's 'the Devil in there cookin' food so fast', wouldn't stop raving about how great it was. Jesus Christ, His only Son our Lord, do you understand what sort of press that is for Evolutionists?"

"And you can't call Spielberg a hack," continued Blackstone. "Because then the media says you're anti-Semitic. And if there's one thing the Bible has taught me, it's you don't tangle with The Great I Am's chosen people. That, and that dinosaurs and man lived together in the Garden of Eden."

God Himself was able to be reached for comment through fervent prayer and fasting.

"Tiktaalik roseae? Yay, I do remember creating him. I was going to name him Croco-Walko, but then decided against it. Funny story, that name is what inspired Me to make the Choco Taco. True story. I swear to Me."

God added in closing, "Just wait till they find the man-ape I buried in Africa. It's going to blow some minds. So sayeth The Lord."