SPACE: THE FINAL DUMPING GROUND

This week Lisa Nowak, NASA Astronaut, was arrested and charged with attempted murder, after driving across the country from Texas to Florida and attacking a fellow astronaut, Colleen Shipman, with pepper spray. Shipman was able to fight off Nowak, but it is alleged that if Nowak had succeeded in kidnapping Shipman she would have proceeded to murder her, potentially to death, with the contents of a black duffel bag which included a steel mallet, a buck knife and a loaded BB gun. Nowak is currently out on bail and has been suspended by NASA from all work, including space flights, until she is cleared of the charges before her.

Some people think this is a good idea. Some people are idiots.

Do I think we should be sending Lisa Nowak back into space? Short Answer: Yes. Long Answer: Hell Yes.

Have you ever seen space? It's vast and cold and without any breathable air. You've got to eat dehydrated food, pee in a tube, and if you step outside without a giant suit and helmet on you'll find your eyeballs bursting as your blood boils over like an unattended vat of pasta.

And the only way to get to this wonderland of frozen death? Why, strap yourself to a giant gas tank, light the fuse, and blast yourself into the atmosphere, that's how. Oh, is that all?? Let me ask the wife, maybe we can squeeze a trip in this weekend! You ever see Apollo 13? You ever hear of Columbia or Challenger or Apollo 1? The Gremlin runs neck and neck with the space shuttle for least safe mode of transportation. At least you could make out in the back seat of a Gremlin, good luck trying that in space.

Space is a perfect place for an alleged attempted murder! What's the worst that happens? They were going to send Lance Bass into space, remember? Nowak has at least had NASA training. And last I checked she on trial for being a crummy human, not a crummy astronaut. She's not going to try and murder the lunar lander or anything because it's been making eyes at the booster rockets. Worse case scenario, something goes wrong and she dies in space, what's been lost? A psychotic, diaper wearing, revenge fueled, alleged attempted murder machine. B-o-o H-o-o. It'll be like the old days all over again. You think they packed the Mayflower with the best and brightest minds Europe had to offer? Heck no. They shoved it to bursting with religious nutjobs who they were just happy to have out of their hair, sail or sink.

NASA should use Nowak to springboard a new "Dirty Dozen" style division of their space program. They could be used to colonize Mars, or shot out into deep space with what ever new "hyperdrive" engine NASA's working on these days. If you lose them, it's not like the Boy Scout/Mensa scholar population is going to decrease back here on Earth. It's our tax dollars at work whether she's sent to prison or shot into Outer Space, I say we get our money's worth.