I'M STILL A FUNGI

I have these two giant ferns my old roommate and I were given as gifts by a friend of ours. It was a bit of a sneaky hand-off, as when someone says to you "Hey, would you like two ferns" one tends to think of tiny, flower pot contained, windowsill plants, not the four foot tall monstrosities that were dropped off at our door. But as we always say, "When life gives you lemons, stick them in the back corner of the room and water them infrequently."

Apparently an infrequent watering is still too much, as I discovered while leaving for work this morning that the planters have been leaking for a long, long time. How long? You know how I found out they were leaking? Mushrooms. That's right. Mushrooms were growing out of the CARPET BEHIND THE PLANTER!! I am no longer impressed by the story of Moses and the mana from heaven, because I have somehow grown mushrooms out of carpet fibers.

Feel free to dry heave if you want, I know I did while making a mad dash for the cleaning supplies. Snagging the Windex, the only product I was positive would not stain the carpet, I carpet bombed the entire area leaving, hopefully, no survivors. Then, for good measure I sent in a land force of half a cup of dish soap and scrubbed until I had foam up to my wrist. Tonight when I get home I'm sowing salt into the area so that their children's children's children may not know prosperity there.

My house has never been what Mr. Webster would call "clean", but there's a difference between "two days of dishes in the sink and a pile of clothes in your own bedroom" dirty and "growing fungus in your living room" dirty. I feel like I'm failing some sort of Adult test, so I'm disappointed. I mean, I'm growing mushrooms on accident, but I can't get the plants in my closet to grow at all.

Oh, that reminds me, I need to pick up some more UV bulbs and baggies tonight from the store. Does Ziploc make a dime bag with the fresh seal?