PEYTON MANNING

In the lead-up the Super Bowl, I've heard a lot of things about the Colts and quarterback Peyton Manning. Here are just a few of them:

--The state of Tennessee was founded so Peyton Manning would have a place to play college football.

--Peyton Manning is the NFL all time Touchdown passer. He is merely letting Dan Marino hold it for the moment.

--Peyton Manning put the bob in the bob-sha-bob.

--Peyton Manning's wild gesturing at the line is actually detailed love notes to all of his deaf fans.

--When the ultrasound was done for Peyton Manning, he had a twin brother. When Peyton was born, the twin was gone, and in its place was a football. Which Peyton Manning then threw across the room. It would have gone further, but he was only 2 minutes old.

--Peyton Manning is no longer allowed to play defense after punching an opposing offensive lineman with his fist. The Lineman's fist.

--Peyton Manning once accidentally killed a man with a football. He then threw a second football so hard it went into orbit, circling the earth until it reversed the planet's spin, turning back time and bringing the man back to life.

--Peyton Manning is the inspiration for the end of Superman: The Movie.

--Peyton Manning holds the high school record for most interceptions in one game. In his defense, the passes were landing in another stadium.

--Peyton Manning eats two Burger King Quad Stackers every morning to tide himself over until his Denny's Grand Slam Skillet is served.

--Peyton Manning knows what you're thinking right now. And yes, he does believe that would be awesome.

--In the off season Peyton Manning operates his own petting zoo. The only exhibit is a live T-rex.

--Peyton Manning is the reason you cannot use your hands in soccer.

--Peyton Manning did it. But you'll never be able to prove it.

--Peyton Manning has a level 80 Shaman in WoW, and that's his secondary character

--Peyton Manning builds robots in his spare time.

--Peyton Manning once went camping in Alaska, got frostbite and lost two of the fingers on his right hand. Through sheer force of will, he taught himself to grow two new fingers.

--Peyton Manning cannot ever be put on trial, because you could never find twelve of his peers.

--Peyton Manning was begged not to join the NHL for fear he would revolutionize the game beyond all recognition.

--Peyton Manning is the mind behind the Budweiser frogs. To date, it is his greatest failure.

--Peyton Manning can win a game of Monopoly in under 10 minutes.

--Peyton Manning will leave the Super Bowl with a Super Bowl ring, whether he wins or loses.

--Peyton Manning is everyone's first round fantasy draft pick. Even God's.

--Peyton Manning doesn't fly in the team jet to games, he tethers a ball to each arm and then throws.

--Peyton Manning knows I am writing this, and will stop me when I start lying.

--Peyton Manning is all that is man and 1/9 all that is woman.

--Peyton Manning gets a nickle any time someone says "Man up".

--Peyton Manning is the Alpha, pray that he is not the Omega as well.