HELLO, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
People often ask me, "S. Worz, you're the most famous, most respected, funniest wernalist on this continent, why do you even bother coming in to your day job anymore?" My answer is two fold. "You forgot handsome" and "Because then I wouldn't get to talk to people like this woman."
Me- Hello [Business name], how can I help you?
Her- Who are you?
Me- [Business name], how can I help you?
Her- Who are you?
Me- [Business name].
Her- Who are You??
(Now, I get what she's asking at this point. But I'm not about to just give out my name. We get enough nut jobs that call here that I don't just offer that sort of thing up. Also, she's being rude. "My I ask who I'm speaking too" or even "Who's this" will get a response. A terse "Who are you" will not.)
Me- [Business name], how can I help you ma'am?
Her- Do you advertise in the phone book?
Me- Not that I know of ma'am. We're listed in the phone book though.
Her- Who are you?
Me- [Business name].
Her- Seems like you're closer to the YWCA to me.
(Now, this is geographically true, but our actual name isn't even close, not alphabetically, not number of letters, not sounds like, nothing. Also, I now notice she's starting to get a little bit more of attitude, even though I still have no clue why she's on the phone with me.)
Me- Not really.
Her- Where are you?
Me- [Address]
Her- No. Where are you?
(Now I'm starting to get the feeling like she's trying to build to something, but still no clue what. I also don't know why she needs to know my personal location.)
Me- [Address]
Her- What do you look like?
Me- What do we look like?
Her- No. What do you look like and where are you?
(Okay, now there's no way On. This. Earth. I am telling this woman what I look like. Who asks that? So I decide to be coy.)
Me- Well we look like a big building with [identifying mark] right across from [another identifying building].
Her- What do YOU look like?
(Reflexively I look up to see if there's someone on the stairwell staring at me. Then I look past the stairwell out the window to see if there's someone standing on roof next door. The way this lady sounds, it is not outside the realm of reality that she'd be pulling a Batman right now.)
Me- Why do you need to know what I look like?
Her- Because we Pulled YOUR F***ING TAGS!! *click*
(Wait... how does a building have tags? Because she's not calling about me. I'm parked safely in my designated lot. She must have meant one of the other 100+ people who work here. I should have asked her who she thought she was yelling at before she hung up, but I can understand her rush. The pancakes were probably telling her the dog and cat weren't going to marry themselves.)
Me- Hello [Business name], how can I help you?
Her- Who are you?
Me- [Business name], how can I help you?
Her- Who are you?
Me- [Business name].
Her- Who are You??
(Now, I get what she's asking at this point. But I'm not about to just give out my name. We get enough nut jobs that call here that I don't just offer that sort of thing up. Also, she's being rude. "My I ask who I'm speaking too" or even "Who's this" will get a response. A terse "Who are you" will not.)
Me- [Business name], how can I help you ma'am?
Her- Do you advertise in the phone book?
Me- Not that I know of ma'am. We're listed in the phone book though.
Her- Who are you?
Me- [Business name].
Her- Seems like you're closer to the YWCA to me.
(Now, this is geographically true, but our actual name isn't even close, not alphabetically, not number of letters, not sounds like, nothing. Also, I now notice she's starting to get a little bit more of attitude, even though I still have no clue why she's on the phone with me.)
Me- Not really.
Her- Where are you?
Me- [Address]
Her- No. Where are you?
(Now I'm starting to get the feeling like she's trying to build to something, but still no clue what. I also don't know why she needs to know my personal location.)
Me- [Address]
Her- What do you look like?
Me- What do we look like?
Her- No. What do you look like and where are you?
(Okay, now there's no way On. This. Earth. I am telling this woman what I look like. Who asks that? So I decide to be coy.)
Me- Well we look like a big building with [identifying mark] right across from [another identifying building].
Her- What do YOU look like?
(Reflexively I look up to see if there's someone on the stairwell staring at me. Then I look past the stairwell out the window to see if there's someone standing on roof next door. The way this lady sounds, it is not outside the realm of reality that she'd be pulling a Batman right now.)
Me- Why do you need to know what I look like?
Her- Because we Pulled YOUR F***ING TAGS!! *click*
(Wait... how does a building have tags? Because she's not calling about me. I'm parked safely in my designated lot. She must have meant one of the other 100+ people who work here. I should have asked her who she thought she was yelling at before she hung up, but I can understand her rush. The pancakes were probably telling her the dog and cat weren't going to marry themselves.)
posted by Matt Worzala at
1:36 PM
3 Comments:
Like I've said many times before...I'm amazed at how people can dial the phone or type on a computer while wearing a straightjacket! The anonymity that the telephone (and now the internet) provides crazy people...what ya' gonna do?
By
James, at 1:27 PM
Uh, point of information, if some jagoff is a bad enough driver (like running over a small child or going under the speed limit), I can PULL THEIR TAGS through the Cali database and, with very little effort on google or a peoplefinder site, could access not only their home address, their phone number, but the schools their children attend, their church, their community employment, their employer, etc. etc.
Let me know if you need any protection, I am NOT competing with someone else for title of Queen Wackjob in your life. I worked too hard to earn it. If she bugs you again, let me know and I'll have her rubbed out.
Oh, and if I were you, I would tape tin foil over my windows for a while.
By
elleuqinat, at 11:39 AM
True, true Skip.
And Tani, as sweet as your offer to commit murder for me is, I'm pretty sure she has no clue who she was actually talking to. It happens all the time with people thinking our main business phone is some sort of magical direct line to whomever they have a complaint with.
By
Matt Worzala, at 4:53 PM
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