THE REASON IS YOU... AND ALSO...
When I became a web journalist (a "wernalist", if you will) it was for two main reasons. One, to educate and entertain you, the loyal reader. Two, to win handfuls of web journalism awards. In these few months I have completely fulfilled my second objective, which is quite outstanding considering how big my hands are. The Rick Romano Cutting Edge Award, The Yahoo Award for Creative Journalism and The Al Gore Honorary Best Use Of The Internet April 2006 trophy to name a few. I was actually already in the running for the first ever Nobel Prize in Journalist Excellence, but when I learned that the fascits in charge of the dress code demanded all male recipients to wear tuxes I politely bowed out. I mean, if the man who wrote "Brokeback Mountain" can show up to the Oscars in jeans and cowboy boots, why can't I show up to the Nobel Awards in a polo shirt and khakis? I mean, that's the OSCARS for crying out loud, and it's not like I wasn't going to tuck the polo in. Seriously.
But let the Swedes have their formal dress and their "most supreme commendation in the world today." It was, as always, just an honor to be nominated. And besides, winning awards was a secondary motivation to me anyway. At least, it was.
That's right, I have decided to no longer use the pursuit of accolades and awards as motivation for my writing. It's a natural progression really, for I have been to the mountain top and when one reaches the mountain top one does not say "Hey let me pile another five feet of dirt on top of this mountain so that it's a little bit taller and I can climb even higher." For starters, where would one get the five feet of dirt? Do you realize how much dirt is required to increase a mountain's peak by five feet? Because I don't. And who's going to haul it up the mountain? The Sherpas? Good luck with that pal. All that is is a quick and easy way to learn the Sherpian phrase for "He wants us to do what? Forget that noise, let's just toss him off the mountain."
So I now need a second secondary goal to pursuit. Through a painstaking and mystical process I have narrowed it down to two options. Money or Women.
Money seems at first to be the hands-on winner. But, I can not, with a clean concious, make money my number two goal. After all, you, the loyal reader, are already doing your best to make sure that I am well compensated for my work by clicking on the ad link above this article when you stop by to visit. You ARE clicking the link right? Cause I've got twins in desperate need of braces and well, to be honest, the The Al Gore Honorary Best Use Of The Internet April 2006 trophy, while a great honor, doesn't come with free dental insurance.
This leaves women then. Which normally I'd be all for. But ever since I opened a Myspace account, the women have been flocking to me like bees to my journalistic honey. And the pictures they send? My goodness. I won't get in to detail because this is a family website, but I will say This. Where ever the pictures were taken it must be Very Warm. *wink*
So, hmmmm, money and women are off the list... what does that leave me with? OH! WAIT! Can you do this job for beer?
Because that would be AWESOME. Excuse me, I need to get my agent on the phone with the Pabst people.
But let the Swedes have their formal dress and their "most supreme commendation in the world today." It was, as always, just an honor to be nominated. And besides, winning awards was a secondary motivation to me anyway. At least, it was.
That's right, I have decided to no longer use the pursuit of accolades and awards as motivation for my writing. It's a natural progression really, for I have been to the mountain top and when one reaches the mountain top one does not say "Hey let me pile another five feet of dirt on top of this mountain so that it's a little bit taller and I can climb even higher." For starters, where would one get the five feet of dirt? Do you realize how much dirt is required to increase a mountain's peak by five feet? Because I don't. And who's going to haul it up the mountain? The Sherpas? Good luck with that pal. All that is is a quick and easy way to learn the Sherpian phrase for "He wants us to do what? Forget that noise, let's just toss him off the mountain."
So I now need a second secondary goal to pursuit. Through a painstaking and mystical process I have narrowed it down to two options. Money or Women.
Money seems at first to be the hands-on winner. But, I can not, with a clean concious, make money my number two goal. After all, you, the loyal reader, are already doing your best to make sure that I am well compensated for my work by clicking on the ad link above this article when you stop by to visit. You ARE clicking the link right? Cause I've got twins in desperate need of braces and well, to be honest, the The Al Gore Honorary Best Use Of The Internet April 2006 trophy, while a great honor, doesn't come with free dental insurance.
This leaves women then. Which normally I'd be all for. But ever since I opened a Myspace account, the women have been flocking to me like bees to my journalistic honey. And the pictures they send? My goodness. I won't get in to detail because this is a family website, but I will say This. Where ever the pictures were taken it must be Very Warm. *wink*
So, hmmmm, money and women are off the list... what does that leave me with? OH! WAIT! Can you do this job for beer?
Because that would be AWESOME. Excuse me, I need to get my agent on the phone with the Pabst people.
posted by Matt Worzala at
10:33 PM
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