HAMM FROM THE LAND OF SKY BLUE WATERS

Olympic gold medalist and Wisconsin boy Paul Hamm has had to drop out of the 2008 Summer Olympics (slogan: WHY did we give them to China again? The country can't make a Happy Meal toy without it killing someone) due to injuries to his wrist.

I've got to ask the question on everyone's minds. Or at least on the minds of everyone I talk to. What kind of jerk is Morgan Hamm? Oh, I should have mentioned I spend most of my day talking to myself. That should have come earlier in the paragraph according to my lawyer.

Morgan Hamm is a jerk. What kind of jerk? A huge one. Paul and Morgan are identical twins, okay? So even though Paul Hamm's wrist isn't healthy enough to allow him to compete in the Olympic games is no reason that "Paul Hamm" has to drop out of the Olympics. C'mon Morgan! We're US Americans and we're trying to show up the rest of the world! The first All-Around male Gymnastics champion EVER from the U.S. shouldn't have to miss competing in the Olympics just because he Can't Compete in the Olympics. The second Morgan heard that Paul wasn't going was thinking of dropping out he should have stepped up and done the patriotic thing, lied and taken his brother's place.

And if Paul wasn't willing to go along with it? Well that's why God gave us ether and rags.




Can YOU tell the difference? Heck no!

Now, the only reason I can think of for Morgan Hamm not only betraying his own brother but also betraying his own country, is because he's afraid he won't be able to win. Morgan, Morgan, Morgan. It's so simple. Paul has a well documented wrist injury, if "Paul" came up short all you'd have to do is blame it on "your" wrist. Miss the landing on the rings? Grab your wrist. Tuck out of the parallel bars too late? Grab your wrist. Start grabbing your wrist at the opening ceremonies to establish a storyline and you'll be on Wheaties boxes by September! Well, you won't. Paul will. But seriously, show that stuff to a girl and she's going to be All Over You.

Who can say no to this face?



I sure can't.

FORCE FED UP

I've been seeing trailers for Star Wars: Cashing In, errrrr, Clone Wars, for a while now. If you haven't seen it, here's the trailer.



This movie is going to suck.

Why? Because I already know everything that's going to happen. And everything that's not going to happen. How do I know? Because I saw the movie that comes after this one, THREE YEARS AGO.

Oh no, a scary bald woman is coming at Obi-Wan, he could be in trouble!
No, he's not.
But what if I told you she had TWO lightsabers?
No, nothing's going to happen to him. Because he's in EPISODE FOUR. And she's NOT. So I'm willing to guess what her fate is.

Uh-oh, Count Dooku is fighting Anakin in the desert, he's doomed!
No, he's not.
But Dooku just told him "You've failed, Jedi"!
So? Dooku gets an Epic Fail at life in Episode Three when Anakin plays "Beauty School Dropout" with a pair of lightsabers and Dooku's head.

Well, I mean, the robots are winning! Oh nos! The droid army is unstoppable!
Yeah, I remember the South winning a couple of battles as well, last I checked, I wasn't sweating Gettysburg.

The only person who's fate hangs anywhere close to "in the balance" is the red-faced Jedi Ahsoka (I had to look up the spelling) and that's only because I can't remember if she's killed during the great Jedi purge in Episode III or not. And no, I'm not going back to watch Episode III a second time.

You know what George? You know what would have made this movie really good? Perhaps even exciting? If you had MADE IT WHEN IT MATTERED. Instead of shoe-horning more story into an already completed novel, maybe you could have made THIS Episode II, made Episode II into Episode I and wiped Pod Racing off the face of the plane. Maybe that would have been an idea someone could have thrown out at the meetings.

Oh, and p.s. you couldn't have gotten Frank Oz to do the voice of Yoda? He's only been doing it for, you know, EVER.

ALOHA GARBAGE

Oahu, Hawaii, is having a little garbage problem. Apparently their landfills are overflowing due to the fact that they produce 10 pounds of garbage per person PER DAY. Now they want to load their excess garbage onto ocean liners and ship it to the West Coast to be disposed of.

That strikes me as a lot of work.

If only there was somewhere else they could put the garbage.



If only there was place that they could put their garbage where they wouldn't have to worry about it any more.



If only there were an easy way to dispose of that much garbage. Some sort of giant, I don't know, super hot thing.



Oh well, I'm sure they would have thought of it if there were. Boats it is!

YIKES

June 23rd?

Man.

...an
...an
...an.

Kind of echo-y in here.

Anyway, I have a friend who used to also be my roommate. He has a video series that he does over on the gaming website ScrewAttack.com called "Nametags".

Yes, I know THAT Jared.

Jared went to a conference for this website recently. He didn't tell any of us much in the way of details, and after watching this video, I think I understand why.

Enjoy. (and remember, the camera adds 10 pounds [and there's about 4 cameras on Jared during this filming])