WORZALA'S WEDNESDAY WORD 4-25-07
This week's Wednesday Word is brought to you by www.VentureScripts.com. www.VentureScripts.com, for all of your monologue/sketch/one-act/full length needs.
Today's Wednesday Word is "tell" as in "Well, we should probably tell somebody about the babies."
God: Good... morning, Saint Peter. It is morning, is it not?
Peter: Time has no meaning here in Heaven, Great I Am.
God: We'll just call it morning then, for argument's sake.
Peter: Yes my Lord.
God: Walking around the gardens today and I was thinking, you know what would go over well in Heaven?
Peter: A chocolate fountain?
God: What, you mean, like, what they have a weddings? With the- you know.
Peter: Yes with the- you know.
God: Hmmm... that could be good. Might be hard to plug it in. No outlets up here.
Peter: I'm sure You will think of some way.
God: I'll get Raphael on that. No, I was thinking that we should have a day care.
Peter: That... is an idea.
God: I sense your hesitation.
Peter: It's just, permission to speak freely?
God: You need only speak and I shall hear. ... that's good. I should have someone write that down.
Peter: Well, I would just have to ask who my God plans on placing in this day care.
God: Children, naturally.
Peter: Naturally.
God: Specifically children that have come home to My loving arms before their parents have. What's the earth word for that?
Peter: Babies.
God: Babies. That's adorable. Did Adam come up with that? But yes, babies are who I was planning on putting in the day care. Whom I was... whichever.
Peter: I see...
God: Buuuuuut.
Peter: Well it's just, we don't have a lot of babies in heaven God. You've probably noticed.
God: I had noticed. I always just assumed there was an unusually low infant mortality rate.
Peter: Not so much, no.
God: Well then where are they?
Peter: Limbo.
God: With the stick?
Peter: No, the void. Where they know contentment but never Your divine touch.
God: Well that's a crummy fate. What genius thought that up?
Peter: The Roman Catholic church.
God: Oy.
Peter: It is better than the original plan, my God.
God: And what was that?
Peter: Hell.
God: HELL?!?
Peter: St. Augustine assures us they suffer only the mildest condemnation.
God: HOLY *BLEEP*ING *BLEEP*!!
Peter: You're not pleased.
God: No Peter, I am the Lord Your God and I am Not Pleased!
Peter: If it's any consolation, it's only the unbaptized babies.
God: Oh, well why didn't you say so? I'm sure they had it coming then. You know, those darn babies and their commandment breaking. I just hope there's enough weeping and teeth gnashing to go around.
Peter: Was that-
God: Yes that was sarcasm. Who's Pope down there?
Peter: Benedict, my God.
God: Another Benedict? We've already got over a dozen up here.
Peter: Benedict XVI.
God: Good, get him on the Pope phone and tell him there's no more limbo for babies and certainly no more Hell. Babies go to heaven now. Got that? All babies. I mean, My Son, we let All Dogs up here, but not babies?? *Bleep* that. There's your 11th Commandment, *bleep* that.
Peter: Yes, my Lord.
God: I turn My back for one minute to work on 581 c and this is what happens. *sigh*
Today's Wednesday Word is "tell" as in "Well, we should probably tell somebody about the babies."
God: Good... morning, Saint Peter. It is morning, is it not?
Peter: Time has no meaning here in Heaven, Great I Am.
God: We'll just call it morning then, for argument's sake.
Peter: Yes my Lord.
God: Walking around the gardens today and I was thinking, you know what would go over well in Heaven?
Peter: A chocolate fountain?
God: What, you mean, like, what they have a weddings? With the- you know.
Peter: Yes with the- you know.
God: Hmmm... that could be good. Might be hard to plug it in. No outlets up here.
Peter: I'm sure You will think of some way.
God: I'll get Raphael on that. No, I was thinking that we should have a day care.
Peter: That... is an idea.
God: I sense your hesitation.
Peter: It's just, permission to speak freely?
God: You need only speak and I shall hear. ... that's good. I should have someone write that down.
Peter: Well, I would just have to ask who my God plans on placing in this day care.
God: Children, naturally.
Peter: Naturally.
God: Specifically children that have come home to My loving arms before their parents have. What's the earth word for that?
Peter: Babies.
God: Babies. That's adorable. Did Adam come up with that? But yes, babies are who I was planning on putting in the day care. Whom I was... whichever.
Peter: I see...
God: Buuuuuut.
Peter: Well it's just, we don't have a lot of babies in heaven God. You've probably noticed.
God: I had noticed. I always just assumed there was an unusually low infant mortality rate.
Peter: Not so much, no.
God: Well then where are they?
Peter: Limbo.
God: With the stick?
Peter: No, the void. Where they know contentment but never Your divine touch.
God: Well that's a crummy fate. What genius thought that up?
Peter: The Roman Catholic church.
God: Oy.
Peter: It is better than the original plan, my God.
God: And what was that?
Peter: Hell.
God: HELL?!?
Peter: St. Augustine assures us they suffer only the mildest condemnation.
God: HOLY *BLEEP*ING *BLEEP*!!
Peter: You're not pleased.
God: No Peter, I am the Lord Your God and I am Not Pleased!
Peter: If it's any consolation, it's only the unbaptized babies.
God: Oh, well why didn't you say so? I'm sure they had it coming then. You know, those darn babies and their commandment breaking. I just hope there's enough weeping and teeth gnashing to go around.
Peter: Was that-
God: Yes that was sarcasm. Who's Pope down there?
Peter: Benedict, my God.
God: Another Benedict? We've already got over a dozen up here.
Peter: Benedict XVI.
God: Good, get him on the Pope phone and tell him there's no more limbo for babies and certainly no more Hell. Babies go to heaven now. Got that? All babies. I mean, My Son, we let All Dogs up here, but not babies?? *Bleep* that. There's your 11th Commandment, *bleep* that.
Peter: Yes, my Lord.
God: I turn My back for one minute to work on 581 c and this is what happens. *sigh*
posted by Matt Worzala at
2:13 PM
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