I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS

What is love?

Is it a feeling?

Is it a biological impulse to facilitate procreation?

Is it born out of a fear of dying alone?

I don't know what love is. But I know that Antonio Moreno does.

Love, according to Moreno, is stealing 26 cars in 4 months.

Now, I love my girlfriend and I can't imagine my life without her. But I don't know if I have the constitution to steal 26 cars for her. Maybe 15. 20 tops. But Moreno's love for his girlfriend knows no such restrictions. Toyota Camrys and Nissan Sentras were as Cupid's arrows for Moreno. Neither lack of a driver's license nor "legality" were enough to stop Moreno from expressing his love for his girlfriend. Not even his own girlfriend's attempts to break up with him deterred him. And how could they? How could a simple "I don't wish to see you any more" or even the formidable "we've grown apart" stop a man so deeply in love that he would hotwire and steal an average of 6 1/2 cars a month since the beginning of the year?

For Valentine's Day I bought my girlfriend tickets to see Wicked as an expression of my love for her. I realize now that I may as well have spit in her face and kicked her fish out a window, so callow and low was my "token of affection". But I swear to you, Star Worz-iors, that our One Year anniversary will not suffer the same fate. Forget a dozen roses, if stealing late '80's model foreign cars is the only way to truly say that you love someone, my girlfriend can expect to find a dozen '89 Subarus parked on her front lawn. I can't wait to see the look on her face, hopefully the police will let me stick around long enough to see it.